I Do This, Because I Love You

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Photo credit (edited), fair use

There were narratives used by my parents during childhood, relating to psychological and physiological abuse, which were sadistic in nature (taking pleasure in the infliction of pain, punishment, or humiliation on others). For instance, here are statements which I was told:

·  “This hurts me more than you.”

·  “Spare the rod or spoil the child.” (Derivative of Proverbs 13:24)

·  “If you tell CPS [Child Protective Services], I’ll kill you whenever I get out of jail!”

·  “What goes on in this house stays in this house.”

·  “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!”

·  “If you keep putting your hands in the way [of your buttocks], I’ll keep resetting the count.” (Setting a specified number of spankings while prolonging the process by resetting the count.)

·  “You won’t be able to sit down when I’m done with you!”

·  “I do this, because I love you.”

While I could provide many more examples, I think the cited narratives will suffice. Regarding the current blogpost, I’ll focus on that last statement. Rationalizing abuse that was inflicted upon me, both of my parents proposed that I was being mistreated due to the love they felt for me.

Whereas rational thinking is that which remains in accordance with both logic and reason, rationalization is a way of describing, interpreting, or explaining something (such as bad behavior) that makes it seem proper, more attractive, etc. These aren’t the same concepts.

The justification I received regarding childhood abuse never made sense to me. Even though my brain wasn’t finished developing, I was able to comprehend basic logic of the claim my parents made. To illustrate the irrational statement in question, consider the following syllogism:

Form (modus ponens) –

If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

Example –

If my mom and dad loved me, then they would beat me. My mom and dad loved me. Therefore, they would beat me.

Although the statement in question follows logical form (displaying the interrelation or sequence of facts or events when seen as inevitable or predictable) I argue that it wasn’t reasonable (a sufficient ground of explanation). To test my argument, consider the following proposition:

Form (modus ponens) –

If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

Example –

If a husband loves his wife, then he will beat her. A husband loves his wife. Therefore, he will beat her.

Would you agree with the premises and conclusion? Presuming you don’t maintain a sadist worldview, I imagine that you wouldn’t attempt to rationalize abuse in such a manner. Instead, I suspect that you’re capable of using rational thinking.

If you can comprehend the basic logic and reason I’ve outline thus far, then I invite you to take your rational thinking to the next level. Even if you aren’t generally interested in geopolitics, I encourage you to consider the psychoeducational lesson I’m presenting herein.

According to one source, “On June 22, 2025, the United States [U.S.] Air Force and Navy attacked three nuclear facilities in Iran under the codename Operation Midnight Hammer, as part of the Iran–Israel war.” This occurred, despite President Donald Trump touting “no new wars.”

Regarding his perspective on the provocative Iran attacks, Trump reportedly stated that future attacks would be “far greater” unless Iran reached a diplomatic solution. Whereas diplomacy is the art and practice of conducting negotiations between nations, bombing campaigns evoke war.

Thus, I conceptualize Trump’s ostensible positon as relating to something similar to what my parents relayed to me in regard to abuse. Granted, I don’t have a direct link to his mind, yet I posit that Trump’s apparent rationalization for combative actions toward Iran is as follows:

Form (modus ponens) –

If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

Example –

If Trump wants diplomacy, then he’ll bomb Iran. Trump wants diplomacy. Therefore, he’ll bomb Iran.

I argue that a peace-through-bombing strategy is irrational. Still, I’m aware that Trump and his supporters may disagree. For example, one source reports, “Trump has claimed he took a nuclear weapon ‘out of [Iran’s] hands’ with military strikes against its nuclear facilities last night.”

In order not to self-disturb with irrational beliefs about my outlook on the U.S. seemingly being plunged into Middle Eastern conflict again, utilization of rational thinking is necessary. Thus, refraining from a straw man argument, my steel man argument of Trump’s position is thus:

Designated as a state sponsor of terrorism, Iran has repeatedly been warned not to enrich uranium to the degree whereby it could assemble a functional nuclear weapon. However, at least one of Iran’s enrichment facilities was reportedly producing uranium enriched up to 60%.

Thus, given that Iran and Israel have been engaged in armed conflict since June 13, 2025, and Israel is an ally to the U.S., the Trump administration concluded that bombing Iran’s facilities was in the best interest of Israel and the U.S. Retaliation from Iran would thus constitute further aggression.

My steel man argument is a good faith attempt to present the official U.S. position. All the same, it reminds me a lot of the irrational narrative used by my parents to justify abuse. Conclusively, the following syllogism summarizes the Trump administration’s imagined outlook:

Form (modus ponens) –

If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

Example –

If the U.S. loves peace, then violently bombing Iran is essential. The U.S. loves peace. Therefore, violently bombing Iran is essential.

Fundamentally, “I do this, because I love you” from my parents is akin to the Trump administration saying to Iran, “I violently bomb you, because I love peace.” Rationalize this perspective however you may, it isn’t rational. What evidence do I offer to support my claim?

First, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (North Korea) is a designated state sponsor of terrorism. Second, North Korea reportedly has a nuclear weapons program with approximately 50 nuclear weapons, capable of manufacturing six to seven nuclear weapons per year.

Third, although North Korea isn’t in direct conflict with Israel it has sent troops to aid Russia against the Ukraine, which is an ally of the U.S. Finally, the U.S. hasn’t applied the same standard of provocation toward North Korea as it has regarding Iran. My argument is rational.

In consideration of the perspective I’ve offered herein, I think it’s important to conclude with two points relating to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). First, in this blogpost, I’ve demonstrated techniques associated with the ABC model.

I’ve used this approach to reducing self-disturbance in regard to both my childhood and actions conducted by the U.S. toward Iran. In particular, I’ve utilized both logic and reason to steady my mind so that I can consider what is, rather than unhelpfully demanding what ought to be.

Often, my parents beat me (is). Yesterday, the U.S. acted aggressively toward a sovereign nation (is). While these outcomes preferably shouldn’t have happened, it isn’t as though they absolutely mustn’t have happened (ought). It’s irrational to upset myself with beliefs about these matters.

Second, I utilize the technique of unconditional acceptance to un-disturb myself. In specific, I recognize that I have no control or influence over how my parents treated me in the past, or how the U.S. is behaving in the present. Rationally, what is within my control?

I’m the only individual who remains personally responsible and accountable for my reaction to historic child abuse or my country’s current aggressive actions on behalf of Israel. It’s irrational to upset myself with beliefs about these matters.

Perhaps the lesson addressed herein may be of use to you, perhaps not. Even if the latter is the case, I’ve benefited from approaching these matters rationally. If the former applies to you and you’d like to know more about REBT, then I look forward to hearing from you.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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