I'ma Start Where I'm at, and Change the Endin'
- Deric Hollings
- Jul 13
- 6 min read
It’d be difficult for me to come up with an entire verse from a hip hop song that better represents the progression of my mindset from childhood to present than that of lyricist Lil Fame’s contribution to “Lights Out” by Gang Starr and featuring M.O.P. Specifically, Lil Fame states:
Yo, a wise man once said…fuck what a wise man said
Bitch, gimme that bag; otherwise, y’all dead
Leave you paralyzed from your eyebrows down
I got two parts of my brain, fuck your life on my right
Ain’t nothin’ left on my left – ain’t nothin’ right
For the bread, I’ll leave ya head smokin’ like a muffler
Bitch, shut up, it’s in my bone marrow
Marked for death, I don’t even trust my own shadow
When they can’t touch who you become
They’ll try to dig up who you used to be (Ahh)
Tell them niggas get used to me (Come on)
You can’t go back and change the beginnin’
But I’ma start where I’m at, and change the endin’
Lil Fame begins his verse by ostensibly declaring that he doesn’t care what wisdom was offered to him at one point in his life, because he was merely concerned with advancing his own interests. I don’t think that’s an uncommon outlook for many people in their younger years.
For instance, in my adolescence, I didn’t always consider what wise men and women told me. As a result, I (may or may not have) engaged in similar violent behavior described by the lyricist. Hypothetically speaking, suppose that I did. Would such actions bring about success?
If “success” is measured by death or incarceration, as was the case for my teenage friends, then the answer is no. Still, similar to how Lil Fame described his dichotomous perspective (i.e., “I got two parts of my brain”), I maintained a black-and-white outlook well into adulthood.
That didn’t serve well my goal for success. Unsurprisingly, my irrational view of the world was adequately illustrated by Lil Fame’s admission of thinking he was “marked for death,” as I, too, once maintained, “I don’t even trust my own shadow.” I was distrustful and ready for death.
Can you envision what life is like, day in and day out, for someone who maintains such an unhealthy perspective? It wasn’t pleasant. Fortunately, I learned of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) and turned my life around. (Herein, I’m not peddling hyperbole.)
Once I devoted myself to practice of the ABC model and unconditional acceptance, which for me requires daily practice, I began to change my ways. Still, some people who knew previous iterations of me had quite a bit to say about my growth, sometimes expressed with negativity.
About such instances, Lil Fame states, “They’ll try to dig up who you used to be (Ahh). Tell them niggas get used to me (Come on). You can’t go back and change the beginnin’, but I’ma start where I’m at, and change the endin’.” I can relate. Can you?
Have you ever made necessary changes to your frame of mind or how you behaved, only to find that some individuals hold you to a shadow of your former self? Regarding this matter, I stated in a blogpost entitled I Have Moved On:
In 2000, Freddie Foxxx, also known as Bumpy Knuckles, released Industry Shakedown—an album that critiqued shortcomings within hip hop. Twenty-two years later, it would seem as though the lessons he delivered were largely ignored. Yet, I digress.
Track eighteen of the album featured the “world famous” Mash Out Posse, or M.O.P—a rap duo known for rouged lyrics, unique instrumentals, and a hard core image—in a song entitled “The Mastas.”
While the song may not be to the taste of those who prefer mumble rap, hip pop, or trap, I’ve appreciated its chorus for over two decades. In my opinion, one of the standout features of the track is an excerpt of a quote that states:
“I am not now what I was yesterday, and I am not now what I shall be tomorrow. So you do yourself an injustice to judge me by yesterday when I have moved on.”
I can’t find the source of the quote, though one site claims it’s from someone named Corey Lyles.
Suppose that today you say “I’ma start where I’m at, and change the endin’” of your life, because the past is unalterable. Yet, some people criticize you for not maintaining consistent thoughts, beliefs, behavior, etc. This isn’t an uncommon experience.
To them, you may express that you aren’t now who you were yesterday, or who you may become tomorrow, so they do themselves no justice to judge you by the shadow of yourself when you’ve already moved on. What do you think about this mindset?
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
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