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Writer's pictureDeric Hollings

It's in Your Eyes


 

When recently listening to a DJ set from Chris Luno, I heard a Diode Eins remix of the track “It’s in Your Eyes” by Disappeared Completely. Not often do I have an opportunity to write about electronic dance music (EDM) with plentiful lyrics.

 

Therefore, I’ll post all of the lyrics regarding the original song which I think are worthy of critique using the lens of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Lyrics are as follows:

 

You always do this stuff

We’ll never be enough

You were floating in life

We were floating in life

It’s in your eyes

 

You think that’s not fun, day is done

With no other feelings

Why are your eyes not shining in lights?

There’s more than one meaning

 

Just get what you want, but again you got numb

It’s because of freaking illusion

That life is not fiction

The sense in the description of love

It’s an awful conclusion

 

You could always turn it back

Get another heart attack

We roll! We roll!

We’ll find ourselves in love. We’ll find ourselves in love

 

Oh, fuck

 

The artist on this track appears to be describing how his intimate partner is likely self-disturbed. To understand what I’m implying, it may be useful to briefly describe the ABC model.

 

REBT theory maintains that when an unexpected Activating event occurs and a person uses an irrational Belief about the situation, it’s one’s unhelpful attitude and not the undesirable circumstance that causes unpleasant emotional, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.

 

Rather than remaining self-disturbed, an individual is invited to try Disputation which may lead to an Effective new belief that is used in place of an unproductive self-narrative. With the ABC model, a person learns to stop needless suffering which is caused by unhelpful assumptions.

 

Regarding “It’s in Your Eyes,” the artist’s romantic interest apparently has self-disturbed into a state of despondency. As indicated by the line “you always do this stuff,” this individual likely has a pattern of self-upset which impacts the couple.

 

The artist states, “We’ll never be enough,” which alludes to the notion that his partner doesn’t approach the intimate relationship with a good enough standard of functioning. Perhaps you wonder what I mean.

 

Healthily aiming for an objective whereby things in an intimate partner relationship aren’t fantastic, though they aren’t terrible, is both achievable and sustainable. In the third verse, listeners are privy to the self-disturbed outcome the artist’s partner seemingly experiences.

 

Although the individual received what was apparently sought, the person ostensibly realized that the illusory aim for a romantic relationship of fictional proportions resulted in “an awful conclusion.” This is precisely the sort of experience for which the ABC model was designed.

 

For instance, one of the four major self-disturbing beliefs recognized in REBT is awfulization or merely awfulizing. This occurs when a person unfavorably concludes that oneself, others, or life is terrible, horrible, or awful.

 

If the artist’s partner unhelpfully expected anything more than a relationship based on a good enough standard, then the individual likely concluded that the experience of an unrealized demand on another person and life in general was awful.

 

This distorted inference utilizes a second major self-disturbing belief related to demandingness. This experience occurs when absolutistically or conditionally demanding what one believes should, must, or ought to be the case.

 

In the second verse, the artist inquires, “Why are your eyes not shining in lights?” However, it becomes apparent that he understands the situation. In the fourth verse, he expresses that his partner could potentially start anew. The end of the relationship has already been considered.

 

Still, he admits that the couple will only find themselves ensnared in love once again – the same in-love experience which correlated with his partner’s activating event – to which he then laments, “Oh, fuck.” Apparently, this answer was revealed in his romantic interest’s eyes.

 

I appreciate this track and how well it represents the process of self-disturbance. Noteworthy, people who self-disturb with unhelpful assumptions don’t have to remain in a state of despondency.

 

Fortunately, along with the challenge of unproductive beliefs, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.

 

Frequently, I use both the ABC model and unconditional acceptance in my personal and professional life. If you would like to know more about how these helpful techniques may benefit you, I’m here to help you.

 

If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters. 

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

 

References:

Apple Music. (n.d.). Disappeared Completely. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/disappeared-completely/1200517285

Beatport, LLC. (n.d.). Diode Eins. Retrieved from https://www.beatport.com/artist/diode-eins/888085

Hollings, D. (2024, October 18). ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/abc-model

Hollings, D. (2024, July 9). Absolutistic should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/absolutistic-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, August 7). Awfulizing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/awfulizing

Hollings, D. (2024, July 9). Conditional should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/conditional-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, March 19). Consequences. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/consequences

Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2024, March 28). Distorted inferences. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/distorted-inferences

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (2023, December 26). Good enough is good enough. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/good-enough-is-good-enough

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2023, May 18). Irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/irrational-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2022, October 30). Luv(sic). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/luv-sic

Hollings, D. (2024, September 27). My attitude. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-attitude

Hollings, D. (2024, April 22). On disputing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-disputing

Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation

Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought

Hollings, D. (2024, February 27). Suffering, struggling, and battling vs. experiencing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/suffering-struggling-and-battling-vs-experiencing

Hollings, D. (2022, November 2). The critical A. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-critical-a

Hollings, D. (2024, September 17). The E-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-e-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux

Hollings, D. (2023, March 11). Unconditional life-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-life-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, February 25). Unconditional other-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-other-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2024, March 18). Unhealthy vs. healthy negative emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhealthy-vs-healthy-negative-emotions

Hollings, D. (2024, October 26). Unhelpful expectations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhelpful-expectations

La Belle Musique. (2023, January 30). Disappeared Completely – It’s in Your Eyes (Diode Eins remix) #lyrics [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/69tWbOkM2NQ?si=HVFXyjkYUt7oy6B2

Luno, C. [@chrisluno]. (2024, March 4). Sunset deep house mix – Chris Luno [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/BXmd3zIyU7M?si=hPeJzeCTCjv79HW_

Resident Advisor Ltd. (n.d.). Chris Luno biography. Retrieved from https://ra.co/dj/chrisluno/biography

Vecstock. (n.d.). Young woman with wet hair and a raindrop on her face generated by artificial intelligence [Image]. Freepik. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-ai-image/young-woman-with-wet-hair-raindrop-her-face-generated-by-artificial-intelligence_79684476.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=26&uuid=3dac9ee3-ccf4-4ff2-bcd3-9aeef253d11f

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