Lifestyles of the Rich and Shameless

[DISCLAIMER]

Growing up in a standard slightly above abject poverty (the most severe form of poverty, defined as a lack of basic human needs like food, clean water, sanitation, and shelter), I recall watching the television series Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous which was hosted by Robin Leach.

Although the program didn’t distract from my own circumstances (i.e., government-assisted living, roach and rat infestations, insecure housing, etc.), I’d often fantasize about the opulence that Leach telecasted into my home. Back then, I wanted to be rich!

However, my childhood desires didn’t come to fruition. In fact, I was eventually transferred to a children’s home with a lack of supportability as the narrative for my placement. In 1995, I graduated high school and discovered that no one was going to give me wealth and abundance.

Yet, during high school, I may or may not have participated in criminal activity. After graduating, the classic hip hop album Legal Drug Money (1996) by the Lost Boyz was released. It contained the track “Lifestyles of the Rich & Shameless” that was produced by Easy Mo Bee.

The song told of tales with which I was familiar. The premise of the first verse is simple: A person named “Jack” is aware of a better life and engages in illegal activity, as he’s “on the road to riches.” In the first verse, Jack appears to have improved his circumstances.

The chorus then speaks about “lifestyles of the rich and shameless, some die with the name, some die nameless.” According to the American Psychological Association, shame is defined as:

[A] highly unpleasant self-conscious emotion arising from the sense of there being something dishonorable, immodest, or indecorous in one’s own conduct or circumstances.

It is typically characterized by withdrawal from social intercourse—for example, by hiding or distracting the attention of another from one’s shameful action—which can have a profound effect on psychological adjustment and interpersonal relationships.

Shame may motivate not only avoidant behavior but also defensive, retaliative anger. Psychological research consistently reports a relationship between proneness to shame and a host of psychological symptoms, including depression, anxiety, eating disorders, subclinical sociopathy, and low self-esteem.

Shame is also theorized to play a more positive adaptive function by regulating experiences of excessive and inappropriate interest and excitement and by diffusing potentially threatening social behavior.

Looking back to when I may or may not have engaged in criminal activity, I can recall the experience of shame regarding a lifestyle of the poor and shameful. Perhaps that’s a major contributing factor as to why I appreciated the Lost Boyz track.

Of note, the premise of the second verse is simple: It details how an individual named “Yvette” also pursues a criminal lifestyle. Still, the verse states, “It’s all the same shame, just a different name, shorty’s sniffin’ [co]caine just to maintain.” Yvette wasn’t doing all too well.

In early adulthood, I thought in matters of an Action-Consequence (A-C) connection regarding shame, rather than understanding the Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection of self-disturbance. I’ll address this A-C versus B-C distinction shortly. For now, ponder the conclusion of the song.

The premise of the third verse is simple: It regards Lost Boyz member Mr. Cheeks who reportedly also engaged in a life of crime until he “caught a bid, got a wife and kid. The name just burned in the flame, so out the game [he] slid” and began making music instead.

I, too, ultimately turned my life around. Unfortunately, it took far longer than necessary to do so. Now, I share with you the psychotherapeutic modality I teach others so that they may save themselves valuable moments left in life, rather than living in a shameful or questionable way.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote Stoic philosopher Gaius Musonius Rufus who stated, “How much better is it to be known for doing well by many than for living extravagantly? How much more worthy than spending on sticks and stones is it to spend on people [page 144]?”

I knew nothing of this quote or REBT in childhood. Moreover, I didn’t know about the A-C and B-C distinction of self-disturbance. Using the ABC model of REBT, allow me to briefly clarify the difference.

When watching Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous as a boy (Action), viewing the program isn’t what caused internalized shame regarding my impoverished circumstance (Consequence). In the naturalistic world is where A-C connections exist (e.g., a shock of electricity causes pain).

In terms of my own psychological perspective, using a B-C view, watching Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous as a boy (Action) and Believing that I was less than for my impoverished condition when others teased me is what caused shame (Consequence). Thus, I disturbed myself.

If I had or hadn’t engaged in criminal activity in order to resolve my B-C self-disturbance, no amount of possessions would’ve made me rich in character any more than it truly uplifted anyone in “Lifestyles of the Rich & Shameless”. Worldly riches don’t infer wealth of character.

This is how I interpret Gaius Musonius Rufus’s quote. Thus, unresolved B-C self-disturbance is a character-impoverishing matter irrespective of how much money one accumulates – legally or otherwise. Regarding this topic, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 144):

Think of all you know about the lifestyles of the rich and the famous. That so-and-so bought a home for so many millions. That so-and-so travels with their own barber. That so-and-so owns a pet tiger or an elephant.

The exact same gossip and notoriety was popular in Roman times. Certain Romans were known for the thousands of sesterces they spent on their koi ponds. Others were notorious for orgiastic parties and sumptuous feasts. The works of Roman poets such as Juvenal and Martial abound with tidbits about these types.

Can you think of a single commonality every rich and famous person share – or even rich and shameless, for that matter? Each of them inescapably dies. What then of the wealth they’ve amassed, as family members and others then bicker over the inheritance?

Lifestyles of the rich and shameless then begin anew, as the character of the rich and departed may remain in question. What was one’s life genuinely worth, if for little more to amass wealth, spend it, and die with leftovers being divided thereafter? Of this, the authors state (page 144):

The conspicuously wealthy earn and ultimately get what they want out of spending: their reputation. But what an empty one! Is it really that impressive to spend, spend, spend? Given the funds, who wouldn’t be able to do that?

Reflecting to my youth, my mom, sisters, and I didn’t have much to spend. Nevertheless, I recall wonderful memories of my siblings and me making due with what we had. In a sense, we were rich in imagination – and dare I suggest character? That counted for something!

Similarly, when I may or may not have participated in illegal activity that generated revenue, I don’t consider my character to have been enriched by any such endeavors. Concluding an assessment of this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 144):

Marcus Aurelius courageously sold off some of the imperial furnishings to pay down war debts. More recently, José Mujica, the former president of Uruguay, stood out for giving 90 percent of his presidential salary to charity and driving a twenty-five-year-old car. Who can do stuff like that? Not everyone. So who’s the more impressive?

Make no mistake about what I’m advocating herein. This blogpost isn’t meant to serve as a critique on capitalism. After all, having grown up in poverty, I vowed to myself that if I could help it I’d never again remain subject to the conditions up with which I was raised.

Currently, I’m a homeowner in a gated community, a small business owner, and I have a modest amount of money available to me. I doubt I’d have been able to accomplish the feats I have under an economic system unrelated to the capitalist (in part) system under which I live.

Even so, I’m inviting you to consider how B-C shame regarding financial impoverishment may serve as a driver for questionable behavior whereby people are able to enrich themselves while impoverishing their character. Then, when you die, people will fight over your money.

Maybe you won’t sell your belongings, like Mujica. Fine. What, then, will you do? Personally, offering pro bono and reduced cost services is one way in which I give back to others. How about you? When conclusively contemplating this matter, I think of the Lost Boyz track.

Particularly, the chorus states that regardless of wealth or poverty, “some die with a name, some die nameless; it’s all the same game.” In this game of life, will your character prevail? I invite you to consider that if “it’s all the same game,” how you choose to play it actually matters.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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