Have you ever heard mental, emotional, and behavioral health practitioners encouraging people to sit with feelings or not attempt to alter emotional experiences, though to instead consider as valid any and every unpleasant emotive or bodily sensation that an individual may experience?
Better yet, have you ever been so upset that an angry emotional response was accompanied by a rapid heartrate, tightness in your chest, clenching of your jaw, and trembling throughout your body – as you followed the guidance of the aforementioned behavioral health clinicians?
If so, what was it like to sit with a rageful experience without attempting to change how you felt? With little doubt, it was an authentic emotional, sensory, and behavioral condition that you experienced. All the same, was the process of sitting and validating altogether helpful?
For some people, I suspect that experiencing any and every uncomfortable feeling (emotion and sensation) or enduring all unproductive behaviors may be the way to go. Then again, I’m not addressing those individuals. I’m asking you. Did you consider the experience helpful?
I ask, because my approach to wellness is conducted through use of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). At the risk of sounding like the male version of a psychotherapeutic “pick me,” allow me to briefly make my case.
Unlike other psychotherapeutic modalities which may encourage you to saturate yourself in discomfort or experience catharsis as a means of feeling better, REBT seeks to help people actually get better. This is accomplished through use of two techniques.
First, REBT theory maintains that when an unexpected Activating event occurs and a person uses an irrational Belief about the situation, it’s one’s unhelpful attitude and not the undesirable circumstance that causes unpleasant emotional, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
Rather than remaining self-disturbed, an individual is invited to try Disputation which may lead to an Effective new belief that’s used in place of an unproductive self-narrative. With the ABC model, a person learns to stop needless suffering which is caused by unhelpful assumptions.
Through use of the ABC model, I essentially teach people to push the feeling on in the direction of a preferred outcome. If you’re self-disturbed into an angry disposition, you can dispute unhelpful beliefs which caused the feeling so that you can instead feel something different.
When thinking of this approach to well-being, I’m reminded of an electronic dance music (EDM) track that came out when I was in high school. In 1992, house music group Nightcrawlers released the song “Push the Feeling On.”
The linked song herein is MK’s Dub of Doom version, which I prefer. It’s a quintessential old school house track. Yet, I digress.
Second, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.
Whereas the ABC model allows you to alter your unpleasant feelings, UA is practiced in recognition of how little control and influence you have over yourself, regarding others, and in life. Therefore, you change what you can and let go of the illusion of mastery regarding all else.
While you could opt to sit with unpleasant feelings or to engage in cathartic therapy designed to help you feel better, REBT aims to help people get better by providing self-help techniques which you can use outside of a session. Now, which approach to wellness do you prefer?
I prefer to push the feeling on and stop deluding myself about how much control and influence I actually have in life. If you prefer something else, then you’re invited not to “pick me” as your therapist.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
Photo credit (edited), fair use
References:
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