Relax

[DISCLAIMER]

The American Psychological Association defines relaxation as “abatement of intensity, vigor, energy, or tension, resulting in calmness of mind, body, or both” and “the return of a muscle to its resting condition after a period of contraction.” This post only vaguely relates to this term.

When practicing Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) with clients, it isn’t uncommon for innuendo (an oblique allusion, especially a veiled or equivocal reflection on character or reputation) of a sexual nature to arise. This tends to occur when discussing a main tool of REBT.

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to upset themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

It’s when providing psychoeducational lessons on the ABC model and discussing Disputation that sexual innuendo tends to arise from some of the clients with whom I’ve worked—both men and women. “So, when I self-disturb,” client X may say, “I can put some D into the mix?”

For the modest reader, client X makes an allusion to dick (i.e., penis). Favorably, I appreciate use of humor when working with my clients. Therefore, not to be upstaged, I may respond to client X, “That’s right! Put some D into the mix, and fuck the shit outta your unhelpful Beliefs!”

Of course, not all clients may respond well to this sort of rhetoric. I use it sparingly and typically when a client initiates use of sexual innuendo. Noteworthy, the late psychologist who developed REBT, Albert Ellis, coined the term “musturbation”, as he also used a similar form of humor.

According to one REBT source, titled “Musturbation: Stop Rubbing Yourself the Wrong Way”, the author states that “musturbation, [is] a term coined by Albert Ellis to refer to demandingness about the self, others, or the world.” Arguably, the ‘D’ in GLAD narratives gets around a lot!

Therefore, some D on ‘D’ action may be useful. Further contemplating sexual innuendo that I’ve demonstrated thus far, I’m reminded of an electronic dance music (EDM) DJ set by Stephanie Loayza during which she spun “Relax” (2025) by Devastating Dennis and George Calle.

The song is a remix of “Relax” by English band Frankie Goes to Hollywood, and from the group’s album Welcome to the Pleasuredome (1984), as the sexual innuendo used on the track was obvious even in my childhood. Regarding this matter, one source states:

One of the decade’s most controversial and most commercially successful records, “Relax” eventually sold a reported two million copies in the UK [United Kingdom] alone, easily ranking among the ten biggest-selling singles in the UK. […]

Throughout the “Relax” controversy, the band continued to publicly deny that the song’s lyrics were sexual. Nevertheless, by late 1984, it was clear that the public were aware of the sexual nature of the lyrics, but the scandal had fueled sales anyway.

In 1985, with the release of the Welcome to the Pleasuredome album (which included “Relax”), the band dropped any public pretense about the lyrics: Everything I say is complete lies. Like, when people ask you what ‘Relax’ was about, when it first came out we used to pretend it was about motivation, and really it was about shagging.

For context, lyrics of the song state, “Relax! Don’t do it, when you want to go to it. Relax! Don’t do it, when you want to come [cum]. Relax! Don’t do it, when you want to suck it, chew it. Relax! Don’t do it, when you want to come, when you want to come.”

I find it humorous that anyone couldn’t have comprehended the sexual innuendo contained in “Relax”. And that is one detail that makes the song so memorable to me. This is precisely why I value use of similar innuendo when teaching lessons on the ABC model.

Again, not all clients may appreciate crude use of humor. Yet, for the clients X of the world, humorous sexual innuendo can stiffen the lesson on Disputation, as people can then pound the shit outta their irrational Beliefs, and achieve climax through Effective new beliefs.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Relaxation. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/relaxation

Apple Music. (n.d.). Devastating Dennis. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/devastating-dennis/1696847559

Apple Music. (n.d.). George Calle. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/george-calle/78942460

Apple Music. (n.d.). Stephanie Loayza. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/stephanie-loayza/1470696924

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Lackey, S. (2013, September). Musturbation: Stop rubbing yourself the wrong way. Albert Ellis Institute. Retrieved from https://albertellis.org/2013/09/musturbation-stop-rubbing-wrong-way/

Loayza, S. (2025, August 29). Stephanie Loayza - Live @ LA National Forest, California/Latin house 4K DJ mix 2025 [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/il7dKQKioWw?si=FUBxtX0zW6fbL45g

Release – Topic. (2025, July 10). Relax [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/JDGvrHE9KG4?si=ob53dh3BFk1udNkJ

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frankie_Goes_to_Hollywood

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Relax (song) [Image]. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relax_(song)#:~:text=Like%2C%20when%20people%20ask%20you,really%20it%20was%20about%20shagging.&text=In%20September%201993%2C%20%22Relax%22,to%20be%20reissued%20that%20year.

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Stephen Covey. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Covey

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