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The Only Way Out Is Through, Not Back

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • 5 hours ago
  • 5 min read

 

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

 

How do you approach the often arduous process of living from day-to-day? Unless your life is all sunshine and roses, I imagine you have some method that gets you through difficult times. Personally, an old adage sometimes helps. Regarding this phrase, one source states:

 

[T]he earliest instance of [“the only way out is through, not back”] was written by George William Curtis in 1870; hence, Curtis is currently the most likely originator. Robert Frost included a version in his 1914 poem “A Servant To Servants”. Frost was the most important popularizer.

 

An appointment of mine is delayed? I use the adage. Other scheduled plans are canceled? I use the adage. I experience any of the virtually endless inconveniences life has to offer? I use the adage. Concerning a similarly helpful perspective shift, Marcus Aurelius stated (page 180):

 

You must build up your life action by action, and be content if each one achieves its goal as far as possible—and no one can keep you from this. But there will be some external obstacle! Perhaps, but no obstacle to acting with justice, self-control, and wisdom.

 

But what if some other area of my action is thwarted? Well, gladly accept the obstacle for what it is and shift your attention to what is given, and another action will immediately take its place, one that better fits the life you are building.

 

Building your life block-by-block and recognizing that when facing problems the only way is through, not back, is a Stoic method of achieving eudaimonia (a well-lived life). In relation to this perspective, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 180):

 

Elite athletes in collegiate and professional sports increasingly follow a philosophy known as “The Process.”

 

It’s a philosophy created by University of Alabama coach Nick Saban, who taught his players to ignore the big picture—important games, winning championships, the opponent’s enormous lead—and focus instead on doing the absolutely smallest things well—practicing with full effort, finishing a specific play, converting on a single possession.

 

A season lasts months, a game lasts hours, catching up might be four touchdowns away, but a single play is only a few seconds. And games and seasons are constituted by seconds.

 

Perhaps Saban’s philosophical view of “The Process” is why I’ve so often heard the phrase “trust the process.” When entangled in the minutia of inconvenient details regarding everyday living, it’s easy to lose sight of what’s in front of you while instead focusing on the bigger picture.

 

If the only way out it through, not back, then an individual may unhelpful disregard important details which comprise that bigger picture. In so doing, a person may deviate from one’s intended path in life. Conclusively, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 180):

 

If teams follow The Process, they tend to win. They overcome obstacles and eventually make their way to the top without ever having focused on the obstacles directly. If you follow The Process in your life—assembling the right actions in the right order, one right after another—you too will do well.

 

Not only that, you will be better equipped to make quick work of the obstacles along that path. You’ll be too busy putting one foot in front of the next to even notice the obstacles were there.

 

The detailed obstacles you’ll inevitably encounter from day-to-day are just as important as the bigger picture, if not more so. Thus, I invite you to unconditionally accept that the only way out is through, not back, with each of those significant hindrances. Push through them on your path!

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


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References:

 

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/acceptance

Hollings, D. (2025, May 7). C is for contentment and that’s good enough for me. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/c-is-for-contentment-and-that-s-good-enough-for-me

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2024, April 26). Eudaimonia. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/eudaimonia

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Feeling better vs. getting better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/feeling-better-vs-getting-better-1

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (2024, April 13). Goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/goals

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2025, October 13). Knowledge, wisdom, understanding. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/knowledge-wisdom-understanding

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2024, June 25). Obstacles to change. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/obstacles-to-change

Hollings, D. (2025, September 15). One of life’s little inconveniences. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/one-of-life-s-little-inconveniences

Hollings, D. (2025, November 17). Pay attention to what’s in front of you. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/pay-attention-to-what-s-in-front-of-you

Hollings, D. (2025, April 9). Perception, action, and will. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/perception-action-and-will

Hollings, D. (2024, July 20). Perspective shift. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/perspective-shift

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Preferential should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/preferential-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, November 23). Problems. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/problems

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2025, July 4). Self-control becomes the real pleasure. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-control-becomes-the-real-pleasure

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Stoicism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stoicism

Hollings, D. (2025, January 2). The distinction between law and justice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-distinction-between-law-and-justice

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2025, July 3). Trust the process. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/trust-the-process

Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux

Quote Investigator. (2025, June 30). Adage origin: The only way out is through. Retrieved from https://quoteinvestigator.com/2025/06/30/way-out/

Wikipedia. (n.d.). George William Curtis. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_William_Curtis

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Marcus Aurelius. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcus_Aurelius

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Nick Saban. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nick_Saban

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Robert Frost. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Frost

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Ryan Holiday. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryan_Holiday

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