Self-Reliance

[DISCLAIMER]

Years ago, when employed in the field of nuclear security, a coworker buddy of mine asked for help with constructing an at-home concrete walkway. In effect, he expressed reliance (the state of being reliant—having dependence on something or someone) on me for the project.

It wasn’t that my friend spoke of an inherent need (a condition requiring supply or relief), as he could’ve completed the walkway on his own. Nevertheless, reliance on me for the project was expressed as a matter of efficiency (the quality or degree of being productive of desired effects).

In this way, my buddy chose reliance on me even though he was otherwise an individual capable of self-reliance. As such, reliance and self-reliance aren’t mutually exclusive terms. For context regarding self-reliance, one source states:

“Self-Reliance” is an 1841 essay written by American transcendentalist philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson. It contains the most thorough statement of one of his recurrent themes: the need for each person to avoid conformity and false consistency, and follow his or her own instincts and ideas. It is the source of one of his most famous quotations:

“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines.”

This essay is an analysis into the nature of the “aboriginal self on which a universal reliance may be grounded”. Emerson emphasizes the importance of individualism and its effect on a person’s satisfaction in life, explaining how life is “learning and forgetting and learning again”.

While I’m aware that an Emersonian view may serve as a direct challenge to societal power structures – because forbid members of the masses actually establish personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) for themselves /s – I advocate this principle.

For instance, consider my coworker buddy. He was married to an employed woman with whom he had a toddler boy. As my friend and I made a relatively substantial amount of money in the field of nuclear security, my buddy didn’t express worry about financial matters.

He and his wife easily cleared a collective six-figure income while residing in a modest home. Vanity projects like a do-it-yourself concrete walkway were a matter of luxury. Otherwise, my buddy reportedly had a sizable amount of personal savings and could afford basic necessities.

As well, we were both firearms enthusiasts at the time. Having served in the United States military, my friend was able to defend against undesirable potential threats such as home invaders. Fortunately, he didn’t need to utilize his defensive skills.

As he was raised with conservative values, similar to those up with which I was brought, my buddy fulfilled a subjective standard of masculinity. Specifically, we were both taught to provide and protect oneself, one’s family, the community in which one lives, and others as necessary.

Ergo, my confidant was self-reliant while simultaneously prepared to choose reliance on others, depending on the circumstances. When thinking back to his example – one that I admire – I now contemplate material in a book that I’ve been steadily reading.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote ancient Stoic philosopher Epictetus who stated, “God laid down this law, saying: if you want some good, get it from yourself” (page 147). I’m not familiar enough with Epictetus’s religious or spiritual foundation to remark about his perspective in this regard.

Still, I was raised with religious principles which were aligned with Acts 10:34-35, “34 Then Peter began to speak: ‘I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism 35 but accepts from every nation the one who fears him and does what is right.”

Per my former religious foundation – again, steeped in values of conservatism – I was taught that I’d also be known by my actions (Proverbs 20:11, 21:8). Apparently, this is something which Epictetus valued, as well. Concerning this view, authors of The Daily Stoic state (Page 147):

Here is how to guarantee you have a good day: do good things. Any other source of joy is outside your control or is nonrenewable. But this one is all you, all the time, and unending. It is the ultimate form of self-reliance.

Because I recognize the impermanence and uncertainty of life, I don’t endorse the “guarantee” of the authors. Still, I appreciate that they ostensibly advocate taking healthy action in the interest of self-reliance, as a means of improving one’s own level of functioning and quality of life.

That’s precisely how a coworker buddy of mine and I approached rational living. Self-reliant as separate entities, we also relied on one another for various challenges (i.e., firearms training, physical fitness, do-it-yourself projects, etc.).

In doing so, our source of joy stemmed from our own actions, as we took personal ownership of our own outcomes. Now, I invite you to do the same. Are you self-reliant enough to give it a try? If not, what would it take to get you to that point? Once you know that, you may know joy.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Conformity. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/conformity

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

Hollings, D. (2025, September 24). Animalistic instinct: Just because it seems right doesn’t mean it is. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/animalistic-instinct-just-because-it-seems-right-doesn-t-mean-it-is

Hollings, D. (2023, April 22). Control. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/control

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Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

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Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

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Hollings, D. (2024, January 2). Interests and goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/interests-and-goals

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Hollings, D. (2025, January 14). Level of functioning and quality of life. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/level-of-functioning-and-quality-of-life

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2022, November 7). Personal ownership. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-ownership

Hollings, D. (2025, September 9). Personal responsibility and accountability. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-responsibility-and-accountability

Hollings, D. (2025, September 19). Power. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/power

Hollings, D. (2024, May 26). Principles. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/principles

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Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, May 15). Rational living. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-living

Hollings, D. (2025, January 15). Satisfaction. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/satisfaction

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Stoicism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stoicism

Hollings, D. (2022, November 22). The thief of joy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-thief-of-joy

Hollings, D. (2025, January 16). The words we use matter. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-words-we-use-matter

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2024, November 24). Values. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/values

Hollings, D. (2023, May 3). Want vs. need. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/want-vs-need

Hollings, D. (2025, April 12). What’s the big idea? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/what-s-the-big-idea

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Epictetus. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epictetus

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Ralph Waldo Emerson. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ralph_Waldo_Emerson

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Ryan Holiday. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryan_Holiday

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Self-Reliance. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-Reliance