This Cake Smells Unpleasant

[DISCLAIMER]

In a blogpost entitled You Can’t Have Your Cake and Eat It, Too, I described an axiom of the post’s namesake by stating, “In literal terms, I couldn’t simultaneously retain possession of my cake while eating it, too. This is because once the cake was eaten, I couldn’t have it anymore. It’d be gone!”

When thinking about this axiomatic expression, as it relates to intimate partner relationships, I consider what was helpfully stated in the book Creative Marriage. A client who achieved a healthy level of intellectual and emotional insight said to one of the authors (page 171):

[A] preference is not a need, a wanting is not a necessity. You’re right. I would like to have my cake and eat it, but I can’t. I’m beginning to see that—no, even better, accept that—after all these years. And it’s real good facing up to that kind of reality.

With my approach to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I recognize the difference between preferences and needs, as they relate to desire and disturbance – alluded to by the client in the book. In particular, I stated in a blogpost entitled Desire Much, but Need Very Little:

“Desire” may be defined as a wanting, hoping, or wishing for something. For instance, I may want to help all of my clients achieve a higher level of functioning and improved quality of life. Of this, I stated in a blogpost entitled Desire and Disturbance:

From the REBT perspective I use, there is nothing inherently unhelpful or unhealthy about desire. It’s when the desire is paired with demands of ourselves, others, and the world that self-disturbance may occur.

Now suppose that instead of desiring to help my clients I instead maintained the irrational belief that I need to be of help. Demandingness of this sort may contain some form of should, must, or ought-type statement.

Imagine that I inflexibly believed, “I must be of help to my clients, because if I’m ineffective at increasing their level of functioning and quality of life, I don’t think that I could stand to continue on as a psychotherapist!” Would this rigid need-based declaration serve me well? No.

When thinking about having a cake of self-disturbed demandingness, I’m reminded of a meme about which one source states, “Cake Farts is a shock site featuring a video clip of a woman breaking wind on a frosted cake.” I recall when the meme went viral online.

Photo credit, fair use

Even Dictionary.com states of this phenomenon, “Cake farting is the act of sitting on, or squatting over, a cake and then farting on said cake.” Imagine that I handed you a fart cake, then you took a whiff, and you ultimately concluded that this cake smells unpleasant.

You can have your cake (i.e., preferences, desires, etc.), though I wonder whether or not you’d want to eat the cake farts product (i.e., misperceived need in the form of demandingness, self-disturbance, etc.). The client in Creative Marriage declined this offer. What will you do?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

Caldwell, D. (2014). Cake farts. Know Your Meme. Retrieved from https://knowyourmeme.com/sensitive/memes/cake-farts

Dictionary.com. (n.d.). Cake farts. Retrieved from https://www.dictionary.com/e/pop-culture/cake-farts/

Ellis, A. and Harper, R. A. (1961). Creative Marriage. The Institute For Rational Living, Inc. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/creative-marriage-e184052310.html

Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/acceptance

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2022, May 28). Desire and disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/desire-and-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2024, January 10). Desire much, but need very little. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/desire-much-but-need-very-little

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2024, May 27). Intellectual vs. emotional insight. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/intellectual-vs-emotional-insight

Hollings, D. (2023, May 18). Irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/irrational-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2025, January 14). Level of functioning and quality of life. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/level-of-functioning-and-quality-of-life

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance

Hollings, D. (2024, July 7). Non-dogmatic preferences. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/non-dogmatic-preferences

Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2023, May 3). Want vs. need. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/want-vs-need

Hollings, D. (2025, February 27). You can’t have your cake and eat it, too. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-can-t-have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too

Shock Sites. (n.d.). Cake farts [Image]. Retrieved from https://www.meatspin.com/shock-sites/cake-farts/