Turn Around

[DISCLAIMER]

Within my blog, I’ve made no secret of the fact that I didn’t get along with members of the Marine Security Guard (MSG) detachment (det) Rio de Janeiro, Brasil during my time in-country (1999-2000). In part, this was due to bullying behavior exhibited by my colleagues.

As an example, I was often assigned menial tasks. On one such occasion, a staff non-commissioned officer (SNCO) from our parent command came to Rio to assess our det performance. I was the designated “bitch” tasked with retrieving him from the airport.

Det assessments were largely considered a dog and pony show during which military visitors to Rio would breeze through rudimentary bureaucratic errands, and after which they promptly insisted on MSG members showing them to the nearest sex work establishments. It was farcical.

Perhaps because I refused to engage in prostitution services, I was the “bitch” who was sent to pick up the eager SNCO. He couldn’t remove his wedding ring fast enough within minutes of greeting him. “C’mon, devil dog [Marine],” he said, “let’s get this show on the road!”

About 30 minutes into the trip from the airport to the consulate, something seemed off. It appeared as though the chauffer assigned to MSGs was lost. “Is everything alright” I asked him in Brasilian Portuguese, “It seems as though we’re going in circles.”

“Tudo bem,” the driver assured me, meaning “everything’s fine.” Another 30 minutes or so passed, and I began watching the chaffer’s eyes dart back and forth between the road and a self-disturbed SNCO. “Goddamn, devil dog, what’s taking so long?” he barked. I wondered the same.

Because my language skills were limited, I contacted the assistant det commander (“a-slash”) via a Nextel cellphone that featured a two-way radio function, also known as push-to-talk (PTT). That way, whatever communication took place could be heard by the antsy SNCO.

The driver appeared nervous, as the SNCO was shifting back and forth in his seated position and motioning toward me with a knife-hand. He had full-on disturbed himself with irrational beliefs about our situation to the point of being enraged. All the while, I tried to make small talk.

“Devil dog, if you don’t turn this motherfuckin’ vehicle around and un-fuck our situation,” he began his threat as I had him keyed up on PTT for the a-slash to hear, “I’m gonna lose my shit!” Using a helpful Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) tool, I’ll explain what took place.

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and the SNCO Believed an unhelpful narrative about the event, it was the SNCO’s unfavorable assumption, and not the occurrence itself, that caused an unpleasant Consequence. This is how one self-disturbs.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD. The SNCO used GLAD to get mad.

For instance, it was taking longer than expected to arrive at the consulate (Action). The SNCO likely Believed, “This is utter bullshit [G], and I can’t take being stuck in traffic [L]! In fact, it’s horrible that I’m in this predicament [A], because we should be at the consulate already [D]!”

With that GLAD self-narrative, the SNCO disturbed himself into an angry disposition (Consequence). Targeting unhelpful attitudes of this sort, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.

Hearing how unpleasant the SNCO’s voice sounded via PTT, the a-slash laughed out loud during his response. In Portuguese, he instructed the driver to return to the consulate. I couldn’t understand everything he said, though I understood that “brincadeira” meant “joke.”

On whom the prank was played, me or the SNCO, I was uncertain. Later that evening, after the senior leader from our parent command checked into his hotel room, showered, and prepared for a night of debauchery, available Marines went out to eat beforehand.

“Shiiiiiiiiittttt,” the SNCO loudly stated at the dinner table with a smile, “y’all had me stuck in a van with this weird-ass devil dog who was tryin’ to make small talk, and I was fuckin’ pissed!” Alas, there are many aspects of my service in the Marine Corps that I don’t miss in the slightest.

When recalling this event, I’m reminded of an electronic dance music (EDM) track from an album released in the year I was assigned to MSG det Rio. In specific, I recall the house music anthology Now Phats What I Small Music by Phats & Small. Namely, one source states:

“Turn Around” is a song by British electronic dance music duo Phats & Small, released on 22 March 1999 from their first album, Now Phats What I Small Music, as their debut single. The song samples vocals, primarily from the first verse, of Toney Lee’s “Reach Up” and Change’s “The Glow of Love”. It reached number two on the UK Singles Chart.

In repetition, the track lyrics state, “Hey! What’s wrong with you? You’re lookin’ kind of down to me, ‘cause things ain’t gettin’ over. Listen to what I say, got to turn around.” This is where the finer points of REBT are worth highlighting.

When the SNCO self-disturbed with GLAD beliefs, he was “lookin’ kind of down to me.” Arguably the most significant of his irrational prescriptions was “we should be at the consulate already!” When left unmet, this form of rigid demandingness (i.e., “should”) caused anger.

Still, REBT literature outlines flexible demands which may result in healthy distress (i.e., frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.) rather than unhealthy disturbance if left unmet. As an example, consider a recommendatory belief expressed in the form of a “got to” statement.

In the moment, the SNCO unhealthily believed, “You got to turn this motherfuckin’ vehicle around!” Yet, using a healthy outlook from “Turn Around”, I could’ve disputed his unhelpful belief by stating, “You’re lookin’ kind of down to me, got to turn around your attitude.”

Noteworthy, in the Stoic tradition, REBT theory maintains that undesirable events aren’t what cause self-disturbance. Instead, people self-upset with unaccommodating interpretations of events. Therefore, we can un-disturb ourselves by turning around the way we perceive matters.

Unfortunately, I had neither the rank nor knowledge of REBT to keep the SNCO with questionable moral and ethical fiber from upsetting himself. Thus, I share this psychoeducational lesson about his experience so that you may turn matters around within your own mind.

“Hey! What’s wrong with you? You’re lookin’ kind of down to me, ‘cause things ain’t gettin’ over. Listen to what I say, got to turn around.”

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters. 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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