ABBA

[DISCLAIMER]

Earlier, when listening to an EduTry electronic dance music (EDM) remix of ABBA’s song “Don’t Shut Me Down”, I thought of a psychoeducational lesson on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). In particular, I contemplated the ABC model.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and one Believes an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s one’s unfavorable assumption and not the occurrence itself that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as self-disturbance.

Addressing how people self-upset with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model uses Disputation of unproductive assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs. This helpful technique is how one un-disturbs oneself. With this understanding, I thought about ABBA’s first verse:

A while ago, I heard the sound of children’s laughter

Now it’s quiet, so I guess they left the park

This wooden bench is getting harder by the hour

The sun is going down, it’s getting dark

I realize I’m cold, the rain begins to pour

As I watch the windows on the second floor

The lights are on, it’s time to go

It’s time at last to let him know

To expand upon these lyrics, I ask you to forgive me a personal anecdote. While I was in United States Marine Corps Recruit Training, I received a Dear John letter from a woman who I intended on marrying. Unaware of REBT, I self-disturbed quite a bit about the matter.

Also, during military leave (vacation), I visited a high school friend who also self-disturbed with irrational beliefs about the woman who sent me the letter. Visiting my friend’s home after rain began to pour, receiving an earful about her lamentation, the following photo was taken:

The first verse of “Don’t Shut Me Down” reminds me of that moment. Rather than sitting in a park, I sat upon a proverbial bench of sorrow and in a storm of my own creation. Framing the matter like this, I take personal responsibility and accountability for my reaction to the breakup.

From an Action-Consequence (A-C) perspective, my girlfriend sent a Dear John letter (Action), thus ending our relationship (Consequence). However, an A-C connection isn’t what caused my saddened disposition. Rather, a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection explains this outcome.

My girlfriend sent a Dear John letter (Action) and I unfavorably Believed, “I can’t stand not being with her, and it’s awful that this is happening!” With this unaccommodating attitude, I then experienced sorrow (Consequence). Therefore, a B-C outlook is what caused my disposition.

Meanwhile, my friend self-disturbed when using her own assumptions. I was sad (Action) and my friend likely Believed, “That worthless woman hurt my friend, and she shouldn’t have!” As a result, my friend experienced anger (Consequence). Truly, the B-C connection is quite impactful.

When providing psychoeducational lessons on the ABC model, I often evoke the is-ought problem posited by the late philosopher David Hume. It highlights the logical gap between descriptive statements about what “is” and prescriptive statements about what “ought” to be.

Essentially, Hume posited that judgments of a moral variety (e.g., what one ought to do) cannot be directly derived from factual statements about the world (e.g., what is occurring). Fundamentally, one can’t deduce a moral conclusion from purely descriptive facts.

In consideration of Hume’s postulation and the ABC model, I think of “ABBA” as relating to: Action (is), Belief (ought), Belief (ought), Action (is). Stated differently: is-ought, ought-is.

For instance, my girlfriend sent a Dear John letter (Action; is) and I unfavorably Believed, “I can’t stand not being with her, and it’s awful that this is happening [inferred ought]!” In principle, I maintained, “She should’ve stayed with me [ought] rather than breaking up [is].”

Deriving an ought from an is relates to irrationally demanding that life must adhere to one’s own rigid prescriptions. While it may be useful to flexibly describe what one prefers, self-disturbing with unaccommodating beliefs isn’t all that enjoyable or productive.

My girlfriend dumped me (Action; is) and I developed a self-disturbing narrative (Belief; ought). When prescribing how events were to instead have taken place (Belief; ought), my friend’s unrealistic philosophy didn’t accurately portray life (Action; is). Thus, neither of us was happy.

As such, this “ABBA” approach to life represented Hume’s is-ought problem. And for some reason, that’s where my mind went when hearing an EduTry remix of ABBA’s song “Don’t Shut Me Down.” With hope, you’ve taken some cogent point from this somewhat convoluted lesson.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters. 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

ABBA. (2021, September 2). ABBA – Don’t Shut Me Down (Lyric video) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/hWGWFa3jznI?si=nCcQcFhdHdDLyvPv

Bandcamp. (n.d.). EduTry. Retrieved from https://edutry.bandcamp.com/

EduTry Music. (2022, February 9). ABBA – Don’t Shut Me Down [EduTry remix] [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/dAwQJSwG3Y4?si=Lzq304ZhN07INa9j

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Wikipedia. (n.d.). ABBA. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ABBA

Wikipedia. (n.d.). David Hume. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Hume