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We Decide Whether to Label Something Good or Bad

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • Jul 18
  • 6 min read

 

Do you know about the belief-consequence (B-C) connection of self-disturbance? It results when an undesirable Action occurs and you maintain an unfavorable Belief that then causes unpleasant Consequences – all associated with the ABC model of the psychotherapeutic modality I practice.

 

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

 

Using the B-C connection, people determine whether or not an undesirable event is wanted or unwanted, good or bad, angering or not, etc. Our reactions then follow this determination. Regarding this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic quote Epictetus who stated (page 70):

 

Keep in mind that it isn’t the one who has it in for you and takes a swipe that harms you, but rather the harm comes from your own belief about the abuse. So when someone arouses your anger, know that it’s really your own opinion fueling it. Instead, make it your first response not to be carried away by such impressions, for with time and distance self-mastery is more easily achieved.

 

From the interpreted perspective of Epictetus, it isn’t an undesirable event that causes an unpleasant reaction – forming an action-consequence (A-C) connection. Expanding upon this outlook, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 70):

 

The Stoics remind us that there really is no such thing as an objectively good or bad occurrence. When a billionaire loses $1 million in market fluctuation, it’s not the same as when you or I lose a million dollars.

 

Criticism from your worst enemy is received differently than negative words from a spouse. If someone sends you an angry email but you never see it, did it actually happen? In other words, these situations require our participation, context, and categorization in order to be “bad.”

 

Even in the event that someone sends you an angry email and you see it, there’s no A-C connection that transfers anger communicated in the message to you own experience with anger. Rather, it’s a B-C connection that causes your unpleasant outcome.

 

Therefore, if you receive such an email and instead conclude, “I prefer not to receive such messages, though I don’t have to allow myself to be disturbed,” then you can retain a peaceful disposition. About this healthy practice, authors of The Daily Stoic continue (page 70):

 

Our reaction is what actually decides whether harm has occurred. If we feel that we’ve been wronged and get angry, of course that’s how it will seem. If we raise our voice because we feel we’re being confronted, naturally a confrontation will ensue.

 

Correctively, I’ll draw a distinction between feelings and cognitions. A feeling relates to either an emotion (e.g., anger) or a sensation (e.g., tingling in the feet). To the contrary, cognitions relate to thoughts and beliefs (i.e., I believe that I’ve been wronged).

 

Unhelpfully, authors of The Daily Stoic conflate these terms. So do virtually countless other people. When practicing the ABC model, it’s important to understand that the words we use matter. Thus, it isn’t accurate to claim that “we feel we’re being confronted.”

 

Instead, we are being confronted or we believe we’re being confronted. This distinction has merit, because the ABC model uses Disputation of unfavorable Beliefs to discover Effective new narratives. We do challenge cognitions, though we don’t challenge feelings (Consequences).

 

In any event, I appreciate that the authors of The Daily Stoic advocate the B-C connection framework rather than endorsing an A-C connection. Helpfully, they conclude (page 70):

 

[I]f we retain control of ourselves, we decide whether to label something good or bad. In fact, if that same event happened to us at different points in our lifetime, we might have very different reactions. So why not choose now to not apply these labels? Why not choose not to react?

 

Giving oneself the option not to self-disturb about undesirable events, such as receiving “an angry email,” is a matter of empowerment. Would you like to know more about how to determine healthier choices which better serve your interests and goals in this regard?

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


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References:

 

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

Hollings, D. (2024, October 29). Cognitive continuum. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/cognitive-continuum

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Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

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Wikipedia. (n.d.). Epictetus. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epictetus

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