Wherever You Go, There You Are

[DISCLAIMER]

In the summer of 2009, before I began graduate school to become a counselor, a couple of friends, my then-girlfriend, and I took a trip to the mountains of New Mexico. We had a lovely time! Also, just outside of Taos, we observed a home at the base of a mountain range.

With few other properties nearby, I thought of how appealing it may’ve been for people to have essentially escaped the chaos of society. In short, I imagined that distancing oneself from problems of the world was an ideal option for tranquility. But, was it though?

Did the people who lived in the home featured in the photo above have no issues of their own? Of course they did, as my nearsighted perspective didn’t factor into account realistic matters. For context, consider what I stated in a blogpost entitled External Things Can’t Fix Internal Issues:

[P]eople with money still have problems […] Although I don’t have Elon Musk’s level of wealth, I suspect that even the current richest person in the world understands that external things can’t fix internal issues. Therefore, I invite you to consider this helpful psychoeducational lesson in regard to your own life.

I suspect that a significant amount of financial resources were required to live in that secluded spot in New Mexico. Nevertheless, wealth, relocation, and other means of external escape from internal chaos don’t fully make life better. Regarding this stance, I’m reminded of a book.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

Imagine being an emperor in ancient Rome. With a vast sum of wealth, power, and prestige, it’s understandable how so many Roman rulers succumbed to debauchery. However, authors of The Daily Stoic quote ancient Roman emperor and Stoic Marcus Aurelius who stated (page 97):

People seek retreats for themselves in the country, by the sea, or in the mountains. You are very much in the habit of yearning for those same things. But this is entirely the trait of a base person, when you can, at any moment, find such a retreat in yourself.

For nowhere can you find a more peaceful and less busy retreat than in your own soul—especially if on close inspection it is filled with ease, which I say is nothing more than being well-ordered. Treat yourself often to this retreat and be renewed.

Rather than deluding himself into the illogical and unreasonable (collectively “irrational”) notion of external things being able to resolve internal issues, Aurelius advocated properly ordering one’s own internal environment so that it could become “a more peaceful and less busy retreat.”

In this way, calmness within one’s own self follows wherever one goes, as opposed to requiring a drastic move to a destination with the hope of attaining serenity that may never actually manifest – at least not for long. Regarding this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 97):

Do you have a vacation coming up? Are you looking forward to the weekend so you can have some peace and quiet? Maybe, you think, after things settle down or after I get this over with. But how often has that ever actually worked?

Admittedly, my mini-vacation to New Mexico didn’t remedy any problems I faced. In fact, shortly after that trip, the intimate partner relationship with my girlfriend dissolved. Sure, we could travel from Texas to New Mexico with momentary escape regarding our issues.

Yet, once we returned from the trip, the complications we faced in the romantic relationship awaited us. Concerning this sort of reality check, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 97):

The Zen meditation teacher Jon Kabat-Zinn coined a famous expression: “Wherever you go, there you are.” We can find a retreat at any time by looking inward. We can sit with our eyes closed and feel our breath go in and out.

We can turn on some music and tune out the world. We can turn off technology or shut off those rampant thoughts in our head. That will provide us peace. Nothing else.

Perhaps unsurprisingly to anyone familiar with my blog category The Daily Stoic, I don’t always agree with what the authors have to say. Herein, I disagree with the absurd notion regarding one’s ability to “shut off those rampant thought in our head,” as one source states of this matter:

“Thought-stopping” is a now discarded behavioral technique that involves getting rid of negative or unwanted thoughts by suppressing them.

Thus, whenever you have the worry that you will lose all your money in the stock market, you are encouraged to force yourself to stop having these thoughts by snapping a rubber band on your wrist (to distract you) or just yelling to yourself, “Stop.”

This is supposed to reduce your worries. Unfortunately, thought stopping not only does not work, it actually leads to “thought-rebounding” and makes things worse in the long term.

I’ll leave the delusional technique of thought-stopping to philosophers. Given that I’m a psychotherapist with Master of Arts in Counseling (2011) and Master of Science in Social Work (2014) degrees, I’m not going to advocate an asinine thought-stopping technique.

You’re welcome to lie to yourself all you want about the efficaciousness of that tool. In any case, I appreciate that the authors of The Daily Stoic advocate consideration of a Kabat-Zinn quote. In a blogpost entitled No Matter Where You Go, There You Are, I expressed something similar:

[O]ne of my favorite hip hop groups was Naughty by Nature and their second album, Naughty by Nature (1991), had only a couple of tracks which I didn’t favor. One of my most adored songs on the album was “Uptown Anthem,” also featured on the Juice soundtrack.

On the song, lyricist Treach states, “You can run, but you can’t hide. You can’t go far. No matter where you go, there you are.” That line stuck with me.

I contemplated all the places that I’d been in life. No matter where I went, from Aurora to a children’s home in Amarillo, I couldn’t escape the memory of the problems I endured.

Rather than endorsing the preposterous technique of thought-stopping, I advocate a rational approach to life offered by REBT tools of the ABC model and unconditional acceptance. Besides, even if you moved to a secluded home in the mountains, you can’t escape yourself.

Wherever you go, there you are!

You may as well properly order your virtually inescapable internal environment, per Aurelius’s helpful recommendation, than to endorse what rapper ANoyd said in the song “Mama Porch,” when stating, “If you lonely when you alone; that mean you don’t like you.” There you are!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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