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Writer's pictureDeric Hollings

Be Humble


 

During my elementary school years, I was an obese child. Fallible human beings as they were, other children, adults, and even my late mom subjected me to bullying. This included everything from scathing comments about my weight to physical battery.

 

It wasn’t until my fifth grade year, when my dad gave me permission to defend myself rather than to maintain his Jehovah’s Witnesses (JW) principle of passivity, that the tables turned in my favor. Remarkably, I began fighting back and the verbal and physical assaults stopped.

 

When returned to the care of my mom, I stood my ground against the main person from which childhood trauma stemmed. This assertion isn’t to be confused with colloquial use of the term “trauma,” by which people claim hardship concerning displeasure common occurrences.

 

I’m talking about a woman who once left her children in a car, while the transmission was in neutral, when on a steep incline that feed into a main street. This was a woman whose idea of punishment was to punch and stomp her kids while yelling at and spitting upon them.

 

In any case, I don’t blame my mom, educators, other adults, or children for my reaction to the bullying behavior I endured. This is because I take personal responsibility and accountability for my beliefs about traumatic experiences and other unpleasant treatment to which I was subjected.

 

Not always was it the case that I exercised a healthy mental, emotional, and behavioral approach to wellness in this regard. Truly, it was only once I began devoted practice of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) that I was able to take personal ownership of my reactions.

 

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what cause unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.

 

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. In REBT, the process of upsetting oneself with these unfavorable beliefs is referred to as self-disturbance.

 

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of these unproductive assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Noteworthy, Actions and Consequences aren’t Disputed, only unproductive Beliefs.

 

From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

 

As an example, after beating me on one occasion (Action), I was bruised so badly that my mom kept me from going to school the next day (Consequence). From an A-C perspective, sustained closed-fist strikes to the body can cause bruising.

 

Alternatively, when I was physically battered (Action) and I unhelpfully Believed, “I can’t stand that my mom would hurt me like this, because it’s awful,” then I self-disturbed into a sorrowful disposition (Consequence). Thus, self-disturbance is caused by a B-C connection.

 

Helpfully, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.

 

When using REBT with clients, I try to help people to stop upsetting themselves through use of B-C connections, though I can’t fully resolve their A-C experiences. After all, I can address past B-C trauma events though I can’t stop people from presently committing A-C offenses.

 

By taking personal ownership of the consequences caused by unfavorable beliefs about childhood bullying, I’m able to live rationally. Even when subjected to bullying since childhood, it wasn’t until I dedicatedly practiced REBT that I was able to live with relative peace of mind.

 

Now, I use REBT techniques in reference to the 2024 United States (U.S.) presidential election. According to one source, “Former President Trump will be the 47th U.S. president.” As has been expressed many times in my blog, I don’t vote.

 

This is partially because of maintained JW principles. Therefore, I claim no victory for the election results. Honestly, I took no actions to bring about Trump’s triumph. Also worth mentioning, I think Trump is a far better option than either Kamala Harris or Joe Biden.

 

Whether or not you agree, or if you self-disturb with unhelpful beliefs about this admission, is of little consequence to me. Interestingly, I often hear criticism of Trump for apparently behaving like a bully. Perhaps there’s some merit to this critique.

 

Still, for almost four years at this point, I’ve observed the bullying tactics of the Biden-Harris administration and supporters of this regime. All the same, Trump may be credibly accused of trollish behavior through his mockery and derision of those with whom he’s displeased.

 

I have functional eyes and ears, so I can observe the evidence to support this claim. Likewise, I’ve witnessed the U.S. engaging in a global bullying campaign under the Biden-Harris administration. Perhaps you, too, can detect the evidence in support of this allegation.

 

Our nation has funded efforts of Ukraine when we have no constitutional authority to do so. Likewise, and for arguably far too long, we’ve supported Israel with zero constitutional right to do so. Under a Trump-Vance administration, I suspect the latter will continue nonetheless.

 

Our nation has also seized funds from people associated with Russia and blamed the Russian Federation for virtually any and everything our nation’s elected officials find displeasing. Such bullying has led to Russia and other countries to unite against a global bully: us (U.S.).

 

Aside from international affairs, of which there are far too many to address herein, the Biden-Harris administration has conducted an informal campaign against males within our own borders. This is especially damaging for straight, white, Christian men.

 

Of course, behavior of the current administration in regard to social issues has been eclipsed by its utter disdain for U.S. citizens during the pandemic. Authoritarian bullying on a level I’ve only witnessed in other countries while serving in the military was exercised within our own borders.

 

This doesn’t even begin to address partisan weaponization of the judicial system against January 6th participants, various politicians, parents who exercised their free expression rights at school board meetings, and people who resisted COVID-19 tyrannical behavior.

 

All the while, the U.S. southern border situation has been abysmal, our nation has been plunged into near-crippling debt, and the “United” qualifier of the “States” is so incredibly fractured that one wonders whether or not it will be repaired within the years to come.

 

Despite all this, I turn toward REBT and remind myself about the principles of rational living. In particular, I remember what I wrote in a blogpost entitled Schadenfreude:

 

Admittedly, I find it a little challenging not to express joy or pleasure concerning the suffering of some people. After all, I’m a fallible human being and it’s easy to rejoice when those who I perceive as opposing me end up failing at one point or another.

 

The term for this experience is “schadenfreude” (shaa·duhn·froy·duh). Describing the word, one source states:

 

It’s obvious that schadenfreude is not an English word—it’s German, and it’s made up of the words Schaden, which means “harm” or “damage,” and Freude, which means “joy.” By definition, schadenfreude means finding joy in someone else’s misfortune.

 

I imagine that I’m not alone in the experience of schadenfreude, as I suspect the reader also understands this matter from a personal perspective. Expanding upon this matter, one source claims, “Researchers have found that there are three driving forces behind schadenfreude – aggression, rivalry, and justice.”

 

Contemplating what it means to live rationally and in consideration of aggression, rivalry, and justice, I ask myself, “Deric, how do you want to respond when faced with the undesirable events of the Biden-Harris administration and Trump’s victory over oppression?”

 

The answer’s quite simple. I want to practice humility—freedom from pride or arrogance: the quality or state of being humble—not proud or haughty: not arrogant or assertive.

 

Of this personal interest and goal, I now turn to lyricist Kendrick Lamar’s 2017 album DAMN. In particular, I contemplate the lyrics of the track entitled “HUMBLE.” Lamar states, “Bitch, be humble (Hold up, bitch). Sit down (Hold up, lil’— hold up, lil’ bitch).”

 

I loathe bullying behavior, though I unconditionally accept people who bully. This was true of mom, educators, other adults, and children during my youth. So, too, is it accurate for Harris, Biden, and other politicians and their supporters who’ve oppressed and bullied the world for years.

 

Because I’m the only one who’s personally responsible and accountable for my consequential reaction to irrational beliefs about the behavior of others, I’ll productively choose to be humble. Besides, I’m already sitting down, so I’m halfway to Lamar’s recommendatory instruction.

 

Since I personally own my reactions in life, I’ll helpfully sit down and be humble at the present time. After all, I have some clients who I suspect will need a psychotherapist who’s capable of exercising rational compassion on what may be for them an arduous path to Inauguration Day.

 

If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

 

References:

 

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