Can You Feel It?

[DISCLAIMER]

When listening to an electronic dance music (EDM) DJ set by Holly Loo, I heard her spin the track “Can You Feel It?” (2024) by Chymamusique and Floyd D., featuring vocals by Wanda Baloyi. Lyrics state in part:

Can you feel it?

I never thought I’d feel this way

About somebody else who is not me

All these feels that you’ve given me

Are so brand new

Oh, they’re new to me

Could this be love? Could this be true?

Could this be real between me and you?

When hearing the afro house song, three things came to mind. First, the expressed experience of Baloyi is a fairly common one. Especially when in the early stages of an intimate partner relationship, it can be difficult to determine truth about reality. About this, I stated in Luv(sic):

Though not a recognized mental health condition, one source describes lovesickness occurring when “you may become consumed by thoughts or feelings of yearning for the romantic love of someone.”

A separate source expands upon this by describing lovesickness as an “ailment [that] involves all those unwanted feelings you might experience when your passion doesn’t play out as planned.” This explanation, whether intended or not, highlights the connection between one’s interpretation and resulting emotions.

I suppose one could argue from a materialist perspective, declaring that the chemical composition of attraction—or what many refer to as being “in love”—is comprised by fluctuation of dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, and phenylethylamine.

Essentially, we get ourselves high when romantically attracted to others. However, this process isn’t solely a biological matter. The consequence of our beliefs may have a lot to do with it.

After posting that blog entry on October 30, 2022, I directly shared it with a select number of people. Unsurprisingly to me, it wasn’t well-received. Some individuals prefer to view romantic love in a way that is irrational (not in accordance with both logic and reason).

Yet, if you find yourself surrounded by aquatic creatures singing “Kiss the Girl” from The Little Mermaid (1989), then you’re either experiencing hallucination or delusion, or you’re high off your own supply of biological chemicals—or perhaps all three options at once!

It’s a matter of irrationality to base one’s judgment off an experience in which one can’t decipher fact from fiction. This is unhelpful experience is communicated well by Baloyi as she states, “Could this be true? Could this be real between me and you?” She’s apparently confused.

Despite a number of individuals not appreciating what I expressed in Luv(sic), I was pleased to discover that in Pluribus (stylized as PLUR1BUS), a post-apocalyptic science fiction television series (2025), the following dialogue occurred for the world to rationally consider:

Carol: I don’t think I’m good at just…just feeling good. What does that to you?

Zosia: Does what?

Carol: Like, makes you happy? Like, in our bodies, what chemicals?

Zosia: There’s a mix. Serotonin, dopamine, vasopressin, oxytocin, of course. Fun fact! A study of zebrafish seems to imply that oxytocin is responsible for the development of empathy in vertebrate species about 200 million years ago.

Carol: I must have every happy chemical flowing in my bloodstream. I keep thinking it’s gonna go away, but then it doesn’t. And I don’t want it to.

I’ll stop the scene there, as not to provide any spoilers. What I will say that that Carol sobers up rather quickly when using logic and reason concerning Zosia response thereafter. In any event, something Zosia stated brings me to the second consideration when I heard “Can You Feel It?”

Setting aside the commentary or perspective “study” referenced by Zosia that perhaps doesn’t represent a primary research paper claiming direct zebrafish oxytocin empathy; it may be useful to define empathy nonetheless. The American Psychological Association defines this concept as:

[U]nderstanding a person from their frame of reference rather than one’s own, or vicariously experiencing that person’s feelings, perceptions, and thoughts. Empathy does not, of itself, entail motivation to be of assistance, although it may turn into sympathy or personal distress, which may result in action.

I argue that “vicariously experiencing” another person’s emotions, sensations, conceptualizations, or cognitions is virtually (if not literally) impossible! It’s the stuff of singing crabs and dancing frogs in an animated movie! About this matter, I stated in On Empathy:

[E]mpathy isn’t a feeling like our core emotions (joy, fear, anger, sorrow, and disgust). Rather, it’s an imagined experience with this interpretation then projected onto the person who is suffering.

As one source states, “A sympathetic understanding is an imaginative attempt to sense another’s otherness without purporting to appropriate or own their existential uniqueness.” The operative word is “imaginative.” […]

In my personal life, I’ve known of people who claim to be empaths. I’m uncertain as to whether or not the experience they describe is a blessing, curse, or something else. From what I understand, constantly feeling what other people feel seems like it would be unpleasant.

According to one source, “[R]esearch on the concept of empaths is inconclusive at best.” Moreover, a separate source suggests, “[T]he powers associated with being an empath as described online appear to be bogus pop psychology.”

There is an abundance of resources in online search engines which claim empaths are legitimate conditions or identities. Personally, I don’t know if such a circumstance is possible.

Christopher Hitchens, a late author and journalist, is credited with Hitchens’ Razor which claims “what can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence.” Carl Sagan, a late astrophysicist and author, is credited with the Sagan Standard which states that “extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.”

I see no convincing evidence to suggest that what self-professed empaths experience is genuinely shared thoughts, feelings, or experiences of other people. As such, I simply dismiss the empath critique as prima facie nonsense. […]

While humans may share similarities, we aren’t a monolith. We are not all the same. In fact, our diversity of cognition, complexity of emotion, and vastly different experiences may only be shared or imagined by a minority of individuals—if not solely by ourselves.

I reject claims of empathy which regard shared thoughts, feelings, or experiences of other people. I accept such nonsensical propositions as much as I believe in the existence of mermaids! This brings me to my final point of consideration regarding “Can You Feel It?”

On the topic of feelings, I often find it valuable to clarify what this element represents. I say this, because people generally misuse this term. While some people may view my perspective as pedantic, it isn’t. Thus, I invite you to consider what feelings are and are not.

A “feeling” relates to either: 1. Emotion (i.e., joy, fear, anger, sorrow, disgust, surprise, etc.) or 2. Sensation (e.g., tightened or stiffened jaw). If the word “feel” (or any derivative thereof) can be replaced with “hunch,” “thought,” or “belief” (or any derivative thereof), it’s not a feeling.

Thus, it’s improper to say something along the lines of “I feel like you did that to get back at me,” because what one typically intends on communicating is “I believe that you did that to get back at me.” Noteworthy, there’s a foundation for quibbling with this sort of misuse.

In REBT, unfavorable beliefs which cause unpleasant consequences are rigorously challenged. However, feelings (i.e., emotions and sensations) aren’t confronted. Thus, proper use of feelings-based language affords a person the opportunity to examine the logic and reason one uses.

Here, “logic” is the interrelation or sequence of facts or events when seen as inevitable or predictable, and “reason” is a statement offered in explanation or justification. For instance, a modus ponens syllogism uses the following logical form: If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

As an example, Baloyi questions on “Can You Feel It?” whether or not her intimate partner can feel what she feels, adding, “I never thought I’d feel this way about somebody else who is not me,” and, “All these feels that you’ve given me.” Let’s plug this into a modus ponens syllogism:

If you feel what I feel, as I never thought I’d feel this way with all these feels that you’ve given me (p), then this experience of empathy must be love (q). You feel what I feel, as I never thought I’d feel this way with all these feels that you’ve given me (p). Therefore, this experience of empathy must be love (q).

Although this proposition follows logical form, I argue that it’s unreasonable. I suggest this, because from an REBT perspective, no one can make another person feel a certain way. Further, as far as I believe, empathy in the way of experiencing what another experiences isn’t real.

Therefore, I maintain that the lyrics of “Can You Feel It?” are irrational, even though I admit it may be nice to imagine an experience whereby others can feel what we feel. Then again, I don’t value making myself high on my body’s chemicals any more than I’d like to see a singing crab.

Of course, you may hold a different perspective—one influenced by hallucination, delusion, or being high off your own supply of biological chemicals. Don’t allow me to blow your high. Similarly, don’t ask me if I can feel what you feel, because I can’t. Arguably, no one can!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters. 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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