Don't Call Me Baby

[DISCLAIMER]

In 1994, I had a girlfriend (“Baby Girl”) who was friends with the same gang members I befriended. In the image above is one of many homework assignments from math class on which I drew graffiti and was threatened with exclusion from class, as I was ultimately removed.

Baby Girl and I didn’t last as a couple for more than a couple months, which was typical of student dating behavior, yet we remained as friend nonetheless. Years after we lost contact, Australian house music duo Madison Avenue released their song “Don’t Call Me Baby” (1999).

My favorite track from the duo’s album The Polyester Embassy (2000), I didn’t think much of the lyrics when dancing nights away in South America at that time. Now, I contemplate them from the perspective of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). For instance, lyrics state:

Don’t call me baby

You’ve got some nerve and, baby, that’ll never do

You know I don’t belong to you

It’s time you knew I’m not your baby

I belong to me, so don’t call me baby

For now, let’s set aside they fact that vocalist Cheyne Coates tells the person in which she’s romantically interested not to call her “baby” while simultaneously calling this individual “baby.” When thinking about the lyrics, I consider the irrational belief of demandingness.

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and one Believes an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s one’s unfavorable assumption and not the occurrence itself that causes an unpleasant Consequence. Let’s use the lyrics and Baby Girl as an example.

Suppose that I called Baby Girl by her given nickname (Action) and she Believed, “Don’t call me baby! You’ve got some never and, baby, that’ll never do. You know I don’t belong to you! It’s time you knew I’m not your baby. I belong to me, so don’t call me baby!”

Inferred in Baby Girl’s self-narrative is that I shouldn’t, mustn’t, or oughtn’t to call her “baby.” Depending on what type of Consequence her attitude produced, we could consider Baby Girl’s narrative as either a flexible or inflexible demand. So, what’s the difference?

Suppose that Baby Girl merely expressed a flexible preference. For instance, she Believed, “You preferably shouldn’t call me baby,” and then stated this to me. I imagine that if I ignored her non-self-disturbing narrative, she may be frustrated, annoyed, or disappointed (Consequence).

Alternatively, if Baby Girl maintained an inflexible demand by Believing, “You absolutely mustn’t call me baby,” and then stated this to me as I ignored her self-disturbing narrative, then she may become angry, spiteful, or combative (Consequence). (She’d likely laugh at this option.)

Because Baby Girl had a laidback personality, it’s probable that she merely would’ve experienced distress (frustration, annoyance, or disappointment) from a flexible narrative rather than disturbance (anger, spite, or combativeness) by way of an inflexible attitude.

Thus, it all depends on what outcome Coates experiences if her “baby” refers to her as “baby.” If you found this relatively brief ABC model lesson helpful and would like to know more about REBT, then I invite you to reach out or read more of my blogposts. (Also, I won’t call you “baby.”)

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost electronic dance music (EDM)-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters. 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

Hollings, D. (2024, July 9). Absolutistic should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/absolutistic-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, November 15). Assumptions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/assumptions

Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

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Hollings, D. (2025, April 25). Preferences vs. expectations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/preferences-vs-expectations

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Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

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Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

ViciousRecordings. (2016, June 13). Madison Avenue – Don’t Call Me Baby [Official video] [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/M1kEjj3Ej68?si=giB9M393rMHlTvMo

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Cheyne Coates. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheyne_Coates

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Madison Avenue (band). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madison_Avenue_(band)

Wikipedia. (n.d.). The Polyester Embassy. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Polyester_Embassy