In Your Dreams

[DISCLAIMER]

The above photo was taken on a trip to Washington, D.C. when I was in high school. The family that took me in to live with them from my placement in a children’s home (“family X”) shared a style of humor to my own, so we took this picture.

For whatever reason, we thought it was hilarious that I appeared to be sleeping when in an upright position. While I don’t recall the specifics of the rationale for the photo, I remember laughter during the event. (I was barely able to contain my smile at the time.)

Satisfaction of that sort was something that I previously thought was unattainable. As the phrase “in your dreams” is used to assert that something much desired is not likely ever to happen, I thought happiness of the sort surrounding this photo was only in my dreams.

From the same era in which this picture was captured, Swedish-Norwegian electronic dance music (EDM) duo Solid Base released the track “In Your Dreams” (1995). Lyrics include:

In your dreams, you made my desire

Come with me and set me on fire

Talk to me when you’re ‘lone at night

Till you see everything’s all right

Rather than “in your dreams” referencing an unattainable desire, “In Your Dreams” showcases an individual whose desires are fully realized. It’s an upbeat track with a hopeful message.

Of course, as anyone who remains familiar with the content of my blog likely knows, I often address matters which aren’t as hopeful. This isn’t done to dampen the mood of the reader, as though I have control over such matters in the first place, though to provide important lessons.

Now, I present a psychoeducational lesson in self-disturbance. Through the lens of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), using the ABC model and unconditional acceptance (UA), I view the event in which I was kicked out of family X’s home.

First, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and one Believes an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s one’s unfavorable assumption and not the occurrence itself that causes an unpleasant Consequence.

For example, I was kicked out of family X’s home (Action) and I unfavorably Believed, “If people love me, then they shouldn’t abandon me. Worse, I can’t stand how awful this is! Besides, life is meaningless, if all I have are dreams. I was loved? Ha! In my dreams!”

With that unhelpful attitude, I experienced cognitive, emotive, sensational, and behavioral Consequences. For instance, I had ruminating thoughts, felt sorrow and heaviness throughout my body, and I cried quite a bit when returning to the children’s home.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, as I did, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of these unproductive assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Noteworthy, the process of disputation is longer than I care to demonstrate herein.

Therefore, in the interest of your time, imagine that I’d Disputed my unproductive Beliefs and arrived at an Effective new belief when telling myself, “Although I would’ve preferred to remain with family X, I understand that my behavior led to an outcome whereby I was kicked out.”

Taking personal responsibility and accountability for my reaction to the displeasing event, I could’ve saved myself a lot of heartache. Alas, I didn’t know about REBT when in high school. Thus, I self-disturbed. In doing so, I only made matters worse.

Second, REBT uses the technique of UA to relieve suffering of the kind that I experienced in adolescence. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Suppose that I had Believed, “I’m a fallible human being [USA] who behaved poorly, and that’s why imperfect people like family X [UOA] made the decision to kick me out of their home. While staying with them would’ve been nice, life doesn’t come with such a guarantee [ULA].”

I likely wouldn’t have tarnished the otherwise pleasant memories I had with family X. “In Your Dreams,” you may sometimes receive what you desire. Yet, “in your dreams,” unattainable desire is also an option. When the latter occurs, what will you do?

Will you self-disturb with unproductive beliefs, as I did in my youth? Or will you instead practice the ABC model and UA to relieve unnecessary suffering? For your sake, I hope you do the latter. G’night.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters. 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

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Solid Base. (2019, November 6). In Your Dreams [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/bujPi5_c41U?si=6jM8n9kUe5N0t_qr

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Solid Base. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solid_Base