Is This Really the Life I Want?

[DISCLAIMER]

*After having received an image takedown notice regarding the picture previously used on this blog entry, this blogpost has been modified to demonstrate good faith compliance with same on October 16, 2025.

Unique disclaimer: Information contained herein isn’t intended to defame or reflect poorly on the character of any individual. Rather, this blogpost is intended for psychoeducational purposes only.

Likewise, defense of principles espoused herein isn’t intended to serve as a defense of any particular individual or one’s behavior. Contrarily, this blogpost is intended to serve in the interest of justice and rationality. Unique disclaimer aside, let us move on.

Yesterday, I posted a blog entry about to the legal case of Sean “Diddy” Combs. Then, I proverbially ate popcorn and practiced Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) while observing feminists rush to socially indict the rapper, record producer, and record executive.

I wasn’t left disappointed. Predictably, echoes of feminism permeated online dialogue. As an example, Rosie O’Donnell reportedly stated on her Instagram account (posted as captured, as is the case for a subsequent social media post):

i guess a jury just never wants to believe that a woman stays because of power and coercion- wow - they just think women stay because what? money - fame - “they love the abuse” - what a fucking joke - this decision got me angry 

Nothing seems to deprive women of personal agency, as well as personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”), like overused feminist talking points. From an REBT outlook, the Diddy verdict isn’t what caused O’Donnell’s anger, because demandingness did.

Considering the ABC model, Diddy wasn’t found guilty of the most severe charges he faced (Action), an individual then likely Believed, “What a fucking joke, because women should be believed despite what evidence shows,” and with this attitude anger resulted (Consequence).

In essence, one imagines that O’Donnell self-disturbed with a rigid self-narrative. This isn’t an uncommon experience for those who cling to illogical and unreasonable (collectively “irrational”) feminist narratives. Interestingly, another person reportedly stated of the case:

I guess the jurors aren’t familiar with Stockholm syndrome. What’s really bothers me is that women will once again be reluctant to come forward and testify and that’s really really sad. I’m sure the women involved , or now nervous about having testified. Such minor consequences for the perpetrator. I can’t even say his name.

Here, the individual presumably used a low frustration tolerance narrative. Diddy wasn’t found guilty of the most severe charges he faced (Action), the person then likely Believed, “I can’t even say the name of someone whose verdict may impact women reporting [alleged] violence.”

When using this unhelpful attitude, sadness resulted (Consequence). Regarding both instances of feminism-laced self-disturbing narratives, people posting online ostensibly sacrificed their peace of mind regarding undesirable events over which they had no (or very little) control or influence.

When thinking about this matter, I consider how REBT is informed by Stoic philosophy, as this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote Epictetus who said, “Keep constant guard over your perceptions, for it is no small thing you are protecting, but your respect, trustworthiness and steadiness, peace of mind, freedom from pain and fear, in a word your freedom. For what would you sell these things?” (page 58).

What was the cost of feminists griping, whining, bitching, moaning, complaining, whinging, venting, etc. online about the Diddy verdict? Addressing the Epictetian price of one’s peace of mind, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 58):

The dysfunctional job that stresses you out, a contentious relationship, life in the spotlight. Stoicism, because it helps us manage and think through our emotional reactions, can make these kinds of situations easier to bear. It can help you manage and mitigate the triggers that seem to be so constantly tripped.

But here’s a question: Why are you subjecting yourself to this? Is this really the environment you were made for? To be provoked by nasty emails and an endless parade of workplace problems? Our adrenal glands can handle only so much before they become exhausted. Shouldn’t you preserve them for life-and-death situations?

If evidence from the Diddy trial in regard to violence is genuine, it stands to reason that there was at least one authentic victim of intimate partner violence (IPV) in this case (though presumably not the only one). As I’ve experienced IPV, I have emic knowledge of this matter.

Still, what was the cost I paid for sacrificing my peace of mind when having volunteered to endure IPV abuse? I chose to stay, which resulted in continued abuse. Thus, I was a volunteer and not a victim after making that unhelpful decision.

No irrational feminist narrative deprived me of personal agency and ownership for having paid the price of remaining in an abusive romantic relationship. Similarly, no such illogical and unreasonable belief deprives the apparent victim(s) of Diddy’s behavior. None!

Even in instances of sexual, physical, psychological, or other forms of violence, practice of REBT and its Stoic principles can help an individual take control of one’s reaction to maltreatment. Regarding this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 58):

So yes, use Stoicism to manage these difficulties. But don’t forget to ask: Is this really the life I want? Every time you get upset, a little bit of life leaves the body. Are these really the things on which you want to spend that priceless resource? Don’t be afraid to make a change—a big one.

Feminists who ostensibly argue that girls and women have no personal agency or ownership for their behavior, as peace of mind is apparently stolen from them by boys and men, unjustly (and perhaps injuriously) self-disturb while commanding that the world must conform to their ideas.

Of course, I’m grateful for freakouts about “freak-offs.” Such instances allow me to grab the proverbial popcorn, practice REBT, and draft psychoeducational content for my blog. Is this really the life you want, to sacrifice your peace of mind while providing blog content for others?

If not and you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

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