Perseverance and Persistence: What Does Not Kill Me Makes Me Stronger

[DISCLAIMER]

From what I was told, I sustained bilateral clavicle breaks during natural childbirth when I weighed 10 pounds and 10 ounces. Thereafter, I was said to have contracted pneumonia which required placement into an incubator. Also, I apparently had an allergy to dairy and breastmilk.

Isolated from my mother’s touch and subject to incubation, I reportedly had a photo taken of me with a paragraph written about my case that was placed in a medical book. As the story goes, I nearly died on a few occasions within weeks of being born, yet I persevered nonetheless.

Perseverance is continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition. This term is relatively synonymous with persistence, which the American Psychological Association thusly defines:

1. continuance or repetition of a particular behavior, process, or activity despite cessation of the initiating stimulus.

2. the quality or state of maintaining a course of action or keeping at a task and finishing it despite the obstacles (such as opposition or discouragement) or the effort involved.

3. continuance of existence, especially for longer than is usual or expected.

Despite perseverance and persistence with my introduction into life, matters didn’t become much easier for me once I left the hospital as an infant. My parents were said to have divorced when I was three-years-old, as my white mom was assigned physical custody over my black dad.

Living with her, I experienced repeated traumatic events which included physiological and psychological abuse, as well as neglect. By the age of nine-years-old, I experienced the first episode of suicidal ideation that would subsequently echo throughout the rest of my life.

All the same, I still persevered and persisted. Later in adulthood, I was diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), major depressive disorder (MDD), and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) which were said to have been incurred in childhood.

Given my current position as a professional provider of care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), I’m also aware that I could’ve been diagnosed with both anorexia nervosa and binge-eating disorder in childhood. Still, I continued existing.

After having been sent to live with my dad for a couple years, as I sustained both continued forms of abuse previously endured by my mom—with the exception of neglect, I was returned to my mom’s custody at her demand. Shortly thereafter, she sent me to live in a children’s home.

I was there for a couple of years, invited to live with a family from a local church congregation, and then returned to live in the children’s home until I graduated high school. Symptoms of PTSD, MDD, and ADHD likely had something to do with behavior for which I was returned.

Nonetheless, I persevered and persisted. Upon graduating high school, I enlisted in the Marine Corps. At that time, symptoms of PTSD and MDD were aggravated by various events. That’s also when I received traumatic brain injury (TBI) from multiple head and other physical injuries.

Having served in the military from 1996 to 2007, I was unfavorably discharged while also adding my first and only divorce to an ever-growing list of lifelong problems. Additionally, I experienced a handful of terminations from various positions of employment.

Perhaps due to untreated and unmanaged symptoms of PTSD, MDD, ADHD, and TBI, I had a lot of difficulty maintaining relationships of various types (i.e., intimate partner, familial, friendships, coworker, etc.). Nevertheless, I persevered and persisted with my imperfect life.

By no means have I had the most challenging experience of anyone I’ve ever known. Likewise, I haven’t experienced an easy matter of existence. Still, given the relatively brief background I’ve outlined thus far, I now turn toward a book that I’ve been steadily reading.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote ancient Stoic philosopher Seneca who stated, “I judge you unfortunate because you have never lived through misfortune. You have passed through life without an opponent—no one can ever know what you are capable of, not even you” (page 272).

It cannot be honestly stated that I’ve “passed through life without an opponent.” Because I’ve persevered and persisted through subjectively challenging misfortune (distressing situations), I now know what I’m made of! Regarding this view, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 272):

Most people who have gone through difficult periods in their life come to later wear those experiences as badges of honor. “Those were the days,” they might say, even though now they live in much better circumstances. “To be young and hungry again,” another might say wistfully.

“It was the best thing that ever happened to me,” or “I wouldn’t change a thing about it.” As tough as those periods were, they were ultimately formative experiences. They made those people who they are.

Truly, the details of my life alluded to herein made me who and what I am today. They hopefully also made me a more effective mental health care provider. Continuing their perspective concerning perseverance and persistence, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 272):

There’s another benefit of so-called misfortune. Having experienced and survived it, we walk away with a better understanding of our own capacity and inner strength. Passing a trial by fire is empowering because you know that in the future you can survive similar adversity. “What does not kill me makes me stronger,” Nietzsche said.

Even when faced with almost certain death (e.g., having pneumonia while being placed in an incubator), that which didn’t kill me made me stronger. No matter what I’ve ever faced, with divorce being among one of the most difficult experiences, I persevered and persisted!

Granted, I didn’t like or love experiencing misfortune. However, carrying on with one’s own faulty existence isn’t a matter of appreciation for hardship. Rather, it concerns persevering and persisting no matter what! Of this, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 272):

So today if things look like they might take a bad turn or your luck might change, why worry? This might be one of those formative experiences you will be grateful for later.

I’ve been made stronger by that which didn’t kill me. Now, I invite you to consider perseverance and persistence, as well. After all, what else can you do? Are you going to persevere and persist during misfortune, or sit and cry while expecting perfection from an imperfect life?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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