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It's Not Supposed to Be Comfortable!

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • Apr 10
  • 5 min read

Updated: Apr 11

 

The word “supposed” relates to something held as an opinion (also mistakenly believed), and which is considered probable or certain. Depending on whether or not one uses this term flexibly or inflexibly, it serves as a form of demandingness that causes specific outcomes.

 

For example, if I flexibly maintain that you’re supposed to read this blogpost, it’s as though I’m recommending that you should read it. Still, if you refuse to pay attention to what I have to say, then I’ll remain indifferent about the matter. Besides, I’m not entitled to your attention.

 

Alternatively, if I inflexibly believe that you’re supposed to read this post, it’s like stating that you absolutely must read it. If you refuse to pay attention and I become upset, then that’s on me! Again, you owe me nothing. With this understanding, I turn to a book that I’ve been reading.


As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

 

The authors quote ancient Stoic philosopher Epictetus who stated, “Men, the philosopher’s lecture-hall is a hospital—you shouldn’t walk out of it feeling pleasure, but pain, for you aren’t well when you enter it” (page 270). So, too, is my approach to REBT.

 

It may seem odd for a provider of care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”) to state that psychotherapy preferably shouldn’t be comfortable (affording or enjoying physiological or psychological comfort—a feeling of relief or encouragement).

 

Yet, as expressed by Epictetus, the clients with whom I work generally aren’t well when entering into the process of mental health treatment or management. Why, then, would the services I provide somehow ameliorate their self-induced suffering while concurrently being comfortable?

 

This is why I invite the clients with whom I work to consider that the REBT services I provide are meant to help people get better, though not necessarily feel better. It’s not supposed to be comfortable! Providing a similar perspective, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 270):

 

Have you ever been to physical therapy or rehab? No matter what the name implies or how many people you see lying about, getting massages, it’s not a fun place to be. It turns out that healing hurts. The trained experts know exactly where to exert pressure and what to subject to stress so that they can strengthen where the patient is weak and help stimulate the areas that have atrophied.

 

Stoic philosophy is a lot like that. Some observations or exercises will touch one of your pressure points. It’s nothing personal. It’s supposed to hurt. That’s how you’ll develop the will to endure and persevere through life’s many difficulties.

 

On a number of occasions, I’ve sought the services of physical therapy and physical medicine and rehabilitation. Each time, it hurt! Similarly, the practice of Stoicism and REBT isn’t meant to be pleasurable! Of actually getting better, I suggest that it’s not recommendatorily supposed to be comfortable!

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


 

References:

 

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

Hollings, D. (2024, July 9). Absolutistic should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/absolutistic-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2025, September 24). Animalistic instinct: Just because it seems right doesn’t mean it is. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/animalistic-instinct-just-because-it-seems-right-doesn-t-mean-it-is

Hollings, D. (2026, February 14). Anxiety: Stress don’t affect us, that’s just a part of what living is. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/anxiety-stress-don-t-affect-us-that-s-just-a-part-of-what-living-is

Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2025, September 8). Entitlement. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/entitlement

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Feeling better vs. getting better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/feeling-better-vs-getting-better-1

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2025, July 23). Indifference: How much more relaxed would you be? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/indifference-how-much-more-relaxed-would-you-be

Hollings, D. (2024, April 8). It’s on you. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/it-s-on-you

Hollings, D. (2025, October 13). Knowledge, wisdom, understanding. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/knowledge-wisdom-understanding

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2024, March 4). Mental, emotional, and behavioral health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/mental-emotional-and-behavioral-health

Hollings, D. (2025, November 16). Mental health, mental illness, and mental disorder. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/mental-health-mental-illness-and-mental-disorder

Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings

Hollings, D. (2024, November 18). Opinions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/opinions

Hollings, D. (2025, March 5). Pain. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/pain

Hollings, D. (2025, October 27). Physiological and psychological fitness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/physiological-and-psychological-fitness

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Preferential should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/preferential-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Recommendatory should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/recommendatory-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2025, January 15). Satisfaction. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/satisfaction

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Stoicism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stoicism

Hollings, D. (2025, October 22). The construct. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-construct

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2024, June 19). Treatment vs. management. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/treatment-vs-management

Hollings, D. (2024, September 29). Well, well, well. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/well-well-well

Hollings, D. (2026, March 26). You’ll have suffered twice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-ll-have-suffered-twice

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Epictetus. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epictetus

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Physical medicine and rehabilitation. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_medicine_and_rehabilitation

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Physical therapy. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_therapy

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Ryan Holiday. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryan_Holiday

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