Imagine using your smartphone to engage in a flame war—a lengthy exchange of angry or abusive messages between users of an online forum or other discussion area. There are multiple social media apps which facilitate such heated exchange.
After each time you submit a response, you vigorously refresh the feed to see if your ideological opponent has replied. Your heart races, your hands sweat, and it feels as though your head is throbbing.
You’re angry enough to throw your phone, though you remain steadfast in your attempt to prove a point. The flame war is on and you, dear reader, are experiencing the consequences of your irrational beliefs about the situation.
It isn’t abnormal for people to erroneous conclude that an Action leads to a Consequence, forming an Action-Consequence (A-C) connection. As an example, you may think that the frenzied textual exchange of a flame war leads to your emotional, bodily sensation, and behavioral response.
However, from a Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) perspective, the Actions in which we engage don’t cause the Consequences we experience. Rather, there’s a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection taking place that results in the unpleasant product of your assumption about the situation.
For instance, using the ABC Model to illustrate this point, consider the following chain of events:
Activating event – What occurred
Belief about the event – What you told yourself about (A) that resulted in (C)
Consequence of one’s belief about the event – What you felt (emotion or bodily sensation) about what happened and what you did (behavior)
Disputation of the self-disturbing belief about the event – How you might challenge (D) what you told yourself (B) and which led to (C)
Effective new belief to replace the self-disturbing belief – What effective new conclusion you can tell yourself rather than using unhelpful or unhealthy narratives (B)
When you’re involved in a flame war (Action) and Believe something along the lines of, “This asshole must not disrespect me, because it’d be awful to be made a fool of,” it’s your Belief that results in the unpleasant heartrate, sweatiness, throbbing head, anger, and continued heated exchange (Consequence).
Although it may be tempting to cast off your personal responsibility and accountability of the matter to an A-C connection, the B-C connection is how you’ve added self-inflicted insult to a perceived external injury. This is the topic on page 13 of The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion.
People disturb themselves with Beliefs about unfortunate Activating events, thus causing unnecessary Consequences. While the phrase “insult to injury” represents doing or saying something that makes a bad situation even worse for someone, self-inflicted insult to perceived external injury occurs with the B-C connection.
As well, page 14 of the Pocket Companion addresses demandingness associated with terms such as “should,” “must,” or “ought.” For instance, declaring that people mustn’t disrespect you is a rigid rule issued by you and to the universe that will inevitably be violated.
Use of demandingness doesn’t resolve problems, it multiplies them. Therefore, a reasonable solution to the B-C connection is to Dispute unhelpful assumptions so that more Effective convictions may be used.
Likewise, use of unconditional acceptance may allow you to ultimately determine that you aren’t entitled to the respect of others and that you can simply recognize that wasting your time in a flame war isn’t a worthwhile endeavor. That is, unless you want to disturb yourself in such a manner. Flame on!
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
Photo credit (edited), fair use
References:
Dryden, W. and Neenan, M. (2003). The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion. Albert Ellis Institute. ISBN 0-917476-26-3. Library of Congress Control Number: 20031044378
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Blog – Categories: Disputation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/blog/categories/disputation
Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
Hollings, D. (2023, May 18). Irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/irrational-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2022, November 7). Personal ownership. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-ownership
Hollings, D. (2022, March 25). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous
Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought
Hollings, D. (2022, November 9). The ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-abc-model
Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection
Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection
Hollings, D. (2022, November 15). To don a hat. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-don-a-hat
Hollings, D. (2022, July 11). Unconditional acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance
Wayhomestudio. (n.d.). Close up on injured man with dark bruise under eyes and brain concussion, wears bandage [Image]. Freepik. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/close-up-injured-man-with-dark-bruise-eyes-brain-concussion-wears-bandage_13058843.htm#page=2&query=insult%20to%20injury&position=49&from_view=search&track=ais&uuid=12bd8955-f453-441d-b2f5-b38edc61f510