Show Me a Stoic

[DISCLAIMER]

Earlier, when working out, I heard the song “Unruly” from the album Speshal Machinery: The Ghronic Edition (2024) by Conway the Machine and Big Ghost Ltd., as the track features 38 Spesh. Notably, I briefly paused my physical training routine when listening to 38 Spesh’s verse:

Ayo, now, where your heart go?

I’ma make sure that you bleed awful

No joke; to match my smoke, you gon’ need charcoal

Seen Narcos? I transport extreme cargo

And I don’t call myself no plug, I’m just resourceful

Formal – that’s how we dress to seem normal

My chef prepare breakfast on green marble

Free Carlos; if this was The Wire, I’d be Marlo

The only gangster still alive and free to see tomorrow

Be cordial, just in case they try to record you

One time, I smacked a rat on cam and got three lawsuits

For context, the theme of “Unruly” was styled to sound like the classic hip hop album The Chronic (1992) by Dr. Dre. As well, 38 Spesh’s verse reminded me of how I’ve had a lifelong mentality of one who operates outside of societal normativity standards.

For a brief moment during my workout, I thought about how a psychotherapist and life coach may be perceived when admitting such a thing. Perhaps some people may rigidly believe that I absolutely or conditionally mustn’t be as I am – or at minimal, I mustn’t admit that I’m this way.

Thus, the topic of a blogpost was birthed within my mind. In the interest of a shame attacking exercise, I decided to admit truth about reality regarding who and how I am. In order to adequately address this matter, it may be useful to first discuss a psychotherapeutic modality.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

REBT was developed by the late psychologist Albert Ellis. From what I gather about his life, Ellis and I didn’t share many similarities. In fact, I’m not entirely certain he would’ve approved of someone with my character (a distinguishing attribute or feature) promoting his modality.

After all, throughout my blog, I’ve admitted to having a somewhat questionable temperament (characteristic or habitual inclination or mode of emotional response; especially: excessive sensitiveness or irritability). Besides, I identify more with 38 Spesh than I do with Ellis.

Yet, I daily practice Ellis’s method of rational living to quell my illogical and unreasonable (collectively “irrational”) instincts (largely inheritable and unalterable tendencies of an organism to make a complex and specific response to environmental stimuli without involving reason).

Maybe because I wasn’t born or raised with Stoic virtues, I’m drawn to Stoicism that Ellis used to influence his development of REBT. In this way, I actively seek not to be “Unruly”. All the same, I think of something Ellis admitted in an interview when asked about his temperament:

I think I can honestly say that I am one of the relatively few people in the United States, and perhaps in the entire world, who has not bad a seriously unhappy day for the last twenty-five years. I find it almost impossible to feel intensely unhappy, hostile, or upset for more than literally a few minutes at a time.

I can’t at all relate to Ellis’s apparent inability to have self-disturbed. If he was being honest – and I have no evidence to doubt his claim – then the late psychologist was supposedly akin to something of a godlike being. Whereas I’m like 38 Spesh, Ellis was ostensibly like Buddha.

Really? If I didn’t frequently practice Ellis’s method, I suspect that I’d outright reject any notion of REBT application. Why use tools which wouldn’t lead to an end in similarity to Ellis’s disposition? Concerning this perspective, Stoic philosopher Epictetus stated (page 157):

Show me someone sick and happy, in danger and happy, dying and happy, exiled and happy, disgraced and happy. Show me! By God, how much I’d like to see a Stoic.

But since you can’t show me someone that perfectly formed, at least show me someone actively forming themselves so, inclined in this way. . . . Show me!

One obvious question regarding Ellis’s admitted perspective is: If it’s unlikely for fallible human beings to attain a standard of perfection, as Epictetus—teachings from whom Ellis used to develop REBT—recognized, then how practical is it to promote a virtually perfect lifestyle?

I can’t think of a single person in my personal or professional life – that I’ve ever known – who would listen to anything I had to say if I were to questionably claim not to have endured distress or disturbance within a quarter of a century. Rightfully, I’d be told, “Cool story, bro.”

I don’t relate to pretentious (having or showing a noticeably excessive appreciation of one’s own merits) erudition (extensive knowledge acquired chiefly from books). Perchance that’s why I relate more to 38 Spesh while also striving to stoically keep my temperament in check.

I’ve never been, am not, nor will ever be perfect. Honestly, I’ve had a lifelong mentality of one who operates outside of societal normativity standards. And that’s okay, because I’m “actively forming” myself, according to Epictetus’s worldview, as I don’t have an Ellis end goal in mind.

Also, I identify with 38 Spesh’s statement “the only gangster still alive and free to see tomorrow,” even though I was never a validated gang member. All the same, I’ve diverted from the path upon which I traveled since childhood. Show me a Stoic who’s lived as I have.

Does that individual profess to be virtually perfect? If so, I don’t identify. That’s not who and how I am! I’d wager a guess that it isn’t who and how you are or will ever be, either. Regarding this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 157):

Instead of seeing philosophy as an end to which one aspires, see it as something one applies. Not occasionally, but over the course of a life—making incremental progress along the way. Sustained execution, not shapeless epiphanies.

I can practice this method promoted by the authors. Likewise, I can package and distribute that message to others. I’m not peddling perfection. Rather, I’m offering the ability to un-distress and un-disturb oneself—though not permanently. In this way, the authors continue (page 157):

Epictetus loved to shake his students out of their smug satisfaction with their own progress. He wanted to remind them—and now you—of the constant work and serious training needed every day if we are ever to approach that perfect form.

The one caveat I’d offer, as you may’ve already guessed, is that I’m disinterested in a “perfect form.” Disabuse yourself with the notion of human perfection, and you’ll probably achieve realistic outcomes. In any event, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 157):

It’s important for us to remember in our own journey to self-improvement: one never arrives. The sage—the perfect Stoic who behaves perfectly in every situation—is an ideal, not an end.

Listening to “Unruly” while conducting physical training this morning, I could’ve ideally sought a standard of perfection whereby I no longer would appreciate rap tracks with violent lyrics. Ideally, I wouldn’t identify with rappers who express sentiment reflecting my lifelong mentality.

However, I live in the real world, not an ideal world. Thus, I don’t bother deluding myself with notions of an end – like that of Ellis’s – at which I’ll be virtually perfect. Ergo, I play songs like “Unruly” while not playing out scenarios in my life which are expressed on the track.

Similarly, I invite you to show me a Stoic who is fundamentally perfect. Being that you can’t, I encourage you to play out scenarios in your life which are more aligned with Stoic virtues. This, you’ll do imperfectly. This, you’ll do stoically. Thus, you can then show me an imperfect Stoic.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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