Self-Confidence Versus Self-Esteem: Modest Confidence

[DISCLAIMER]

On her album Modest Confidence (2014), lyricist Gavlyn featured the track “Modest Confidence” which was produced by 3rdEye. On the chorus, she states:

Yep, that modest confidence

Yep, that modest confidence

Don’t talk much, let it speak for itself

Like, yep, that modest confidence

Yep, that modest confidence

Yep, that modest confidence

Shut up with my squad, and we don’t say a word

Like, yep, that modest confidence

Yep, that modest confidence

Yep, that modest confidence, that modest confidence

If one doesn’t delve deeper into knowledge, wisdom, and understanding about Gavlyn’s message, then one may miscalculate what she’s expressing. Favorably, you won’t make that mistake if choosing to read this blogpost in its entirety. Now, I’ll define a number of terms.

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines modesty as the “absence of self-importance or conceit” and “propriety in appearance, dress, demeanor, and social behavior.” Noteworthy, “self-importance” is an exaggerated estimate of one’s own importance.

Sometimes people conflate self-importance with the concepts of self-confidence and self-esteem. Fortunately for you, I’ll draw a distinction between these two concepts. Specifically, one source from Wikipedia states:

Confidence is the feeling of belief or trust that a person or thing is reliable. Self-confidence is trust in oneself. Self-confidence involves a positive belief that one can generally accomplish what one wishes to do in the future.

A number of elements related to that description warrant exploration. First, on the topic of what constitutes a “feeling”, I often find it valuable to clarify what this element represents when providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).

A “feeling” relates to either: 1. Emotion (i.e., joy, fear, anger, sorrow, disgust, surprise, etc.) or 2. Sensation (e.g., tightened or stiffened jaw). If the word “feel” (or any derivative thereof) can be replaced with “hunch,” “thought,” or “belief” (or any derivative thereof), then it’s not a feeling.

Thus, it’s improper to say something along the lines of “I have a feeling of belief,” because what one typically intends on communicating is “I have a suspicion or hunch about a belief.” Second, in the interest of clarifying terms, I invite you to consider that I stated in Trust the Process:

Colloquially, trust is defined as assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. In the field of mental, emotional, and behavior health [collectively “mental health”] care, trust is defined somewhat the same. In particular, the [APA] states:

[R]eliance on or confidence in the dependability of someone or something. In interpersonal relationships, trust refers to the confidence that a person or group of people has in the reliability of another person or group; specifically, it is the degree to which each party feels[—improper use of the word] that they can depend on the other party to do what they say they will do.

The key factor is not the intrinsic honesty of the other people but their predictability. Trust is considered by most psychologists to be a primary component in mature relationships with others, whether intimate, social, or therapeutic.

[…] The way it was explained to me when attending graduate school for counseling was that a broken weighing scale is reliable while simultaneously producing invalid results. It will consistently represent the wrong weight of an object, and inaccurately so. Thus, the scale is trustworthy.

Therefore, confidence regards a belief that someone or something is reliable. In particular, self-confidence is trust that one’s own thoughts, beliefs, actions, appearance, etc. are dependable—irrespective of whether or not these matters produce positive, neutral, or negative effects.

For instance, I’m self-confident in my ability to add value to Gavlyn’s song within this blogpost (positive). Nevertheless, I’m confident that the lyricist may not think much of my perspective (neutral). As well, I’m confident that if ice cream is left in my home, then I’ll eat it all (negative).

Generally, “self-confidence” is distinguished from “confidence” where positive aspects of one’s own abilities regards the former, as positive, neutral, or negative elements may concern the latter. With this understanding, the aforementioned source from Wikipedia continues:

Self-confidence is not the same as self-esteem, which is an evaluation of one’s worth. Self-confidence is related to self-efficacy—belief in one’s ability to accomplish a specific task or goal.

Confidence can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, as those without it may fail because they lack it, and those with it may succeed because they have it rather than because of an innate ability or skill.

“Self-confidence,” “self-esteem,” and “self-efficacy” were referenced in that description. Therefore, it may be worthwhile to define each of these concepts. First, the APA thusly defines self-confidence:

1. self-assurance: trust in one’s abilities, capacities, and judgment. Because it is typically viewed as a positive attitude, the bolstering of self-confidence is often a mediate or end goal in psychotherapy.

2. a belief that one is capable of successfully meeting the demands of a task.

Whereas I’m not confident that I’d actually resist temptation to eat ice cream if it’s kept within my home, you may have relatively high self-confidence in your ability to repel such enticement. Next, the APA thusly defines self-esteem:

[T]he degree to which the qualities and characteristics contained in one’s self-concept are perceived to be positive. It reflects a person’s physical self-image, view of their accomplishments and capabilities, and values and perceived success in living up to them, as well as the ways in which others view and respond to that person.

The more positive the cumulative perception of these qualities and characteristics, the higher one’s self-esteem. A reasonably high degree of self-esteem is considered an important ingredient of mental health, whereas low self-esteem and feelings[—improper use of the word] of worthlessness are common depressive symptoms.

It’s worth noting that the late psychologist Albert Ellis, who developed REBT, once stated that “self-esteem, as against self-acceptance, is one of the worst sicknesses ever invented.” This is because people can significantly self-disturb with beliefs about too little or too much esteem.

For example, person X says, “I’m the best! EVERYBODY says so. You’ve never seen someone MORE loved. Thank you for your attention to this matter.” Person X may esteem himself quite highly. However, he’ll disturb himself with beliefs about others not also valuing him as much.

Similarly, person Y says, “Nobody likes me, everybody hates me. Nobody likes me; I guess I’ll go eat worms!” Person Y esteems himself quite lowly and disturbs himself with beliefs regarding this matter. Thus, the aim of REBT isn’t to focus on self-esteem, though on self-acceptance.

I’m self-confident that I can practice unconditional self-acceptance in this regard. Perhaps this approach to rational living may also serve you well. Lastly, the APA thusly defines self-efficacy:

[A]n individual’s subjective perception of their capability to perform in a given setting or to attain desired results, proposed by Albert Bandura as a primary determinant of emotional and motivational states and behavioral change. Also called perceived self-efficacy.

Confidence (trust in a belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way) and efficacy (the power to produce a result or effect) are interwoven concepts. For instance, I’m confident that I overeat when it comes to ice cream, so I maintain efficacy by not keeping it in my home.

Helpfully, one source states, “Projecting confidence helps people gain credibility, make a strong first impression, deal with pressure, and tackle personal and professional challenges. It’s also an attractive trait, as confidence helps put others at ease.”

Although I’m not confident in my ability to resist temptation concerning ice cream, I’m confident in admitting this shortcoming in a public forum. In similar fashion, one individual writing for Psychology Today admits his limitations when stating:

I’m also learning to stop comparing myself to others—that I don’t need to be perfect or know everything—it’s OK to make mistakes; that I don’t need approval from others—it’s okay to put away my personas—and be my authentic self. And, I’m learning to be resilient and more accepting of uncertainty and change. It’s a difficult journey, but I highly recommend it.

Subjectively, I think that’s a wonderful example of open, honest, and vulnerable communication about one’s own fallible nature. I’m all on board with that sort of truth about reality! It’s similar to the healthy perspective voiced by Gavlyn in “Modest Confidence”.

Absent of self-importance or conceit, the lyricist advocated confidence in self-trust regarding her abilities—presumably with positive, neutral, and negative aspects regarding her flawed nature—allowing the output of her actions speak for itself. I dig it! How about you?

Perhaps you, like so many other people, have unhelpfully focused on self-esteem. If so, how’s that approach to life working for you? Perchance self-confidence (i.e., trust in your own abilities and inabilities) while unconditionally accepting yourself may work better. What do you think?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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