That's How...

[DISCLAIMER]

From time to time, people ask me how it is they wind up angry, frustrated, fearful, annoyed, sorrowful, disappointed, or experiencing other forms of healthy and unhealthy negative emotion. For instance, “How did I allow myself to become so upset in that situation?”

Of course, those clients with whom I practice Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) don’t ask these sorts of questions. This is because they know very well how the process of self-disturbance occurs. “Deric,” a client may say, “I recently upset myself during a situation.”

What my clients know that others don’t is that REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and one Believes an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s one’s unfavorable assumption, and not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence.

As an example, I served aboard Marine Corps Air Station Miramar, San Diego, California in June 2001. During that time, I experienced a significant amount of administrative and legal problems. Thus, I left that duty station on voluntary appellate leave in July 2003.

Ultimately, I was kicked out of the Marine Corps with Other Than Honorable service characterization in August 2007 (Action). When receiving my discharge, I unhelpfully Believed, “My time in the Corps was worthless, and I can’t stand that I wasn’t able to retire!”

But wait, there’s more! I Believed, “It’s horrible that this has happened to me, because my service should be classified as honorable!” With that unfavorable attitude, I experienced the Consequence of my Beliefs in the form of anger, regret, and suffering.

Wait a minute. Allow me to be authentic. The Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection I endured didn’t stop there. (Although, I wish it did.) While I’m aware that you can’t look me in my eyes as I write this post, I invite you to do the next best thing. In the following photo, look into my eyes:

I’m not gonna lie to you. My unproductive Beliefs kept linking together a self-disturbing chain of Consequences. If only I’d used mediocre self-narratives, like those above, I wouldn’t have gotten as fucked up in the head as I actually did. (Oh yes, it’s about to get really real.)

When experiencing unpleasant Consequences of my unfavorable attitude, I further Believed, “How fucking stupid am I!? I’m a loser! This shit is terrible, because I can’t bear the fact that now I have to face people back home and tell them how worthless I am! I don’t wanna be here!”

From time to time, when people ask me how it is they wind up experiencing uncomfortable distress or disturbance, unaccommodating Beliefs such as those I used in relation to my military discharge—that’s how! When contemplating this matter further, I’m reminded of a rap song.

In June 2001, when I was relatively new to Miramar, hip hop supergroup D12 released their debut studio album Devil’s Night. The anthology contained a track entitled “That’s How…” which is also referred to as “That’s How People”.

I recall singing the song with fellow Marines when complaining about our military command structure. (There was a lot on which we could remark.) As each member of the hip hop group finishes describing a range of scenarios, members then explain how “people get fucked up.”

As an example, “When your life wasn’t raised up right, then see your mother coming home with different niggas every night, and then you run into the one you don’t like, so get the fuck lost (That’s how step-dads get fucked up)!” Psychologically, the B-C link is how you get fucked up.

Helpfully, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs. In REBT, this is understood as the process of un-disturbing oneself. In Marine terms, à la Full Metal Jacket (1987), it’s how to “un-fuck yourself!”

Perhaps you’ve had some meaningful event not pan out in your past. Maybe you’re currently experiencing an unpleasant situation. Perchance you’ll encounter an undesirable scenario in your future. If you wanna know more about how such events can’t fuck you up, then I’ll be here.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

Bigdaddy4212. (2010, January 9). Best of Full Metal Jacket - Boot camp/basic training [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/5TNhS81w4bM?si=9XrAAmGJfofk6eZd

D12. (2018, December 12). That’s How People [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/RjOaSQldiag?si=5C46u-rkXkVf8Zki

Hollings, D. (2024, November 15). Assumptions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/assumptions

Hollings, D. (2024, August 7). Awfulizing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/awfulizing

Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Chain link. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/chain-link

Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation

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Hollings, D. (2024, September 27). My attitude. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-attitude

Hollings, D. (2023, November 25). No ragrets. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/no-ragrets

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2023, September 6). The absence of suffering. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-absence-of-suffering

Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

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Hollings, D. (2024, March 18). Unhealthy vs. healthy negative emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhealthy-vs-healthy-negative-emotions

Wikipedia. (n.d.). D12. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D12

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Devil’s Night (album). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devil%27s_Night_(album)

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Full Metal Jacket. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Full_Metal_Jacket