You Must Not Know How We Move

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

First, some context is needed. In urban parlance, expressing how a person may “move” is an indication of behavior. For instance, person X may say “bust a move” to person Y. This suggests that person Y is expected to act in response to the suggestion.

Similarly, person X may say “I keep my moves quiet around person Y.” This expression means that person X’s behavior isn’t broadcasted to person Y. Also, person X could tell person Y to “move around,” suggesting that person Y is expected to behave differently by going elsewhere.

Given this context, rapper Uncle Murda’s song “62” comes to mind for a form of demandingness that may surprise you. Contained on the album Don’t Come Outside, Vol. 2 (2020), featuring singer and rapper Tory Lanez, the chorus is as follows:

Them bitches go for 62 ‘round this motherfucker (Woah, woah, woah)

Don’t fuck around and move ‘round this motherfucker (Woah, woah)

You must not know how we move ‘round this motherfucker (Woah, woah, woah)

Just play it cool ‘round this motherfucker (Woah, woah)

Given what you’ve learned about demandingness scripts thus far, does Lanez use a flexible or inflexible demand when stating “you must not know how we move ‘round this motherfucker”? Think about it. When you state that someone “must not know” something, what do you mean?

This phrase can mean a prohibition (e.g., “it is forbidden for you to know”). In this case, it’s as though one is absolutely demanding that someone mustn’t know something, and is an inflexible form of speech. For example, classified information within the government comes to mind.

Person X, who doesn’t have a security clearance, asks high-level security clearance holder person Y about a top secret project. In response, person Y responds, “You must not know that information.” This implies that person X is absolutely prohibited from receiving the information.

Also, “you must not know” serves as a casual form of speech (e.g., “you must not know how we move”). This is the flexible expression which is used in “62” and presumes that one person in a setting maintains ignorance (a lack of knowledge, education, or awareness) about something.

As an example, person X states, “It’s unfortunate that person Y didn’t move around when that club bouncer told him to.” Ignorant about person Y’s outcome, person Z responds, “What happened?” Person X then replies, “You must not know.”

In this case, person X expresses the equivalent of “you probably don’t know,” which is a flexible assumption. Bear in mind that an assumption is merely a proposition taken for granted. Not all assumptions are malicious, self-disturbing, or unhelpful (e.g., I assume you’re still reading).

When stating “you must know,” the context dictates if it’s a rigid demand (i.e., absolutely mustn’t) or a speculation (e.g., likely mustn’t, probably mustn’t, etc.) regarding an individual’s lack of knowledge. It implies that one is missing information one should have or that’s relevant.

Supposing you understand the distinction I’ve outlined to this point, I’ll take this lesson one step further. From the perspective of REBT, the flexible preference-based demandingness statement “you must not know” relates to a special subtype of a conditional “should” script.

For now, I’ll flexibly speculate that you must not know how flexible ideal “should” propositions are a smaller variety of the broader conditional category of demandingness. Thus, an ideal script specifies a relationship between ideal conditions and a particular outcome.

As an example, person X states, “It’s unfortunate that person Y didn’t move around when that club bouncer told him to,” alluding to a particular outcome. When person Z admits ignorance of the event, person X then replies, “You must not know,” challenging an assumed ideal condition.  

In essence, person X exemplifies an ideal “should,” as person X is expressing that, if ideal conditions existed, person Z should (or would) know what happened to person Y. Alas, we don’t live in an ideal world. Therefore, person Z may benefit from more information.

Focusing on “62”, Lanez stated, “You must not know how we move ‘round this motherfucker.” In this instance, he expresses a flexible assumption based on speculation that relates to an ideal condition which doesn’t exist. Now, you know how he moves ‘round this motherfucker!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit (edited), fair use

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