This Is My Life

[DISCLAIMER]

I recall that when I used to DJ electronic dance music (EDM) from the late 1990s through the early 2000s, British house and techno club DJ Carl Cox was a go-to source of seamless transitions with which I was personally satisfied. According to one source:

Carl Cox is the ultimate dance music fan boy, a genuine article who has loved music intensely since childhood and was a prodigal DJ who has gone on to be the best in the world. Since taking up residency behind the turntables he has amassed an incredible amount of records [reportedly 150,000 records] until he stopped buying them in the mid noughties [the decade from 2000 to 2009].

Of course, as is the case regarding an impermanent and uncertain life, not everything has been as been wonderful for Cox. For instance, one source reports:

In November of 2007, a gunman walked into the crowd while Carl Cox was playing in Venezuela and opened fire, killing four innocent fans. “Do I continue, or do I just give up? Is this about me? Is this what my life has come to, where people get killed on my dancefloor?” he questions.

When providing psychoeducational lessons about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I invite people to understand what trauma is and isn’t. Trauma is witnessing four people gunned down before your eyes. Yet, trauma isn’t a mere incontinence or undesirable circumstance.

Somehow, Cox was able to find a method of dealing with the fact that he endured a traumatic event. One imagines that this matter informs his perspective on mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), as one source reports:

In his book ‘Oh Yes, Oh Yes’, an entire chapter is dedicated to taking care of mental health, knowing what resources are out there to help, and explaining the importance of community in maintaining good mental health.

Using anecdotal experience and narrating stories from his youth in Brighton, Carl describes how he’s always taken care of himself and hopes that the same tips may help some readers.

He also stresses that he knows life is not always easy and says that he always wishes people have a fun time and can experience bliss on his dancefloors. He’s here for his community and its well-being, “it’s okay to ask for help, we are a community” - he says frankly in his book.

Given Cox’s reported perspective, he appears to advocate a set of principles among ravers from my days as an EDM DJ: please, love, unity, and respect (PLUR). Expanding upon this matter, one source adds:

PLUR can be interpreted as the essential philosophy of life and ethical guideline for ravers and clubbers, at least insomuch as it relates to interpersonal relationships, with basic directions on how people are expected to behave at a rave gathering or in a dance club.

This universalist philosophy underpinning the tribal dance culture which began circling the globe with the rise of the internet, theoretically takes precedence over any chemical or musical aspects of the rave scene. Raves represent a modern ritualistic experience, promoting a strong communal sense, where PLUR is considered an ideology.

Whereas EDM as a subculture has been an element in my life since the 1980s, with value for the PLUR lifestyle at one point, Cox has a longstanding devotion to it that far surpasses my participation. As such, I think it’s safe to presume that EDM is a significant element of his life.

In any event, I recently listened to a Cox DJ set during which he spun at Burning Man (a week-long large-scale desert event focused on “community, art, self-expression, and self-reliance” held annually in the Western United States). Ostensibly, Cox is a Burner (frequenter at Burning Man).

During his set, Cox played the 2024 tune “This Is My Life” by HoneyLuv and Roland Clark. The chorus states:

This is my life, there’s so much pressure

But with this music, I feel much better

I dance all night, it’s my salvation

Love is the message, my motivation

I recall that when I knew nothing about REBT and dealt with pressure of repeated traumatic stressors from my past, EDM provided for me a form of catharsis (the release of strong, pent-up emotions). In that way, I felt better when listening to music and dancing throughout the night.

Unlike the effect of catharsis, REBT is focused at helping people actually get better, not to merely feel better. As an example, I used to dance the night away in Rio de Janeiro, Brasil, stumble home, wring sweat from my clothing, shower, and then go to sleep.

It felt better to ignore problems than to face them. However, even as I slept, reminders of trauma continued manifesting. For instance, I often had troublesome nightmares. Sure, with music I felt much better. Yet, I wasn’t actually getting any better. About this, one verse from the track states:

You ever have one of those days

When you wake up, and you don’t know who you are

You don’t know where you’re going

You don’t know where you’ve been

But all you know is that you need a release

You need something to happen in your life

Something good, something exciting

You don’t know what it is

But you know it’s here, right here where you are

Here we go

The experience of being lost in ignorance described in “This Is My Life” was a common occurrence for me when I used to DJ EDM. I’d delve deeper into the music and further into the dance scene to forget about whatever it was I couldn’t put my finger on in the first place.

That strategy worked well until it didn’t. By the time I lived in Lima, Peru, the content about which I was blissfully ignorant came down on me like a ton of bricks! I wasn’t at all well. As a result, I was sent back to the United States ahead of my scheduled end of service in Lima.

Cathartic relief can carry a person only so far, especially an individual who’s escaping reminders of trauma. Regarding this matter, another verse from the track states:

And your friends tell you, you drink too much

And if not that, you smoke too much

But what am I to do?

I live in a world of despair of darkness

And this music is the only thing that brings me pleasure

The only thing that brings light into my life, don’t you understand?

I need this right now; don’t take this away from me

This is all I got, this is all I want, this is all I need

To me, those words from “This Is My Life” sound like a frightened person who isn’t entirely ignorant about one’s unhealthy disposition. Instead, the verse sounds like one who frantically seeks to feel better while actively avoiding the discomfort it takes to actually get better.

One wonders how long that charade can carry on for the average individual. For someone like me, who always partied sober, my timeframe was likely much shorter than a person who drowns oneself in substances. Reeking of desperation, “This Is My Life” concludes thusly:

What would you do if you were me?

Would you work 9 to 5, and just go home and sleep?

Or would you look for something to breathe life into your soul?

That thing that, sometimes, that’s even better than sex

Don’t, don’t you understand?

Don’t you hear where I’m coming from?

I need this right now

I need this right now

I need this right now

Presented on the track is a false dichotomy—one can either ignore one’s problems by droning on mindlessly throughout the day and going home to sleep, or one can ignore one’s problems by dancing carelessly throughout the night in hopes of feeling better. Are these the only options?

Of course not! One can also face truth about reality and seek to actually get better. Again, I’m speaking as someone who’s been there and done that. Also, one imagines that Carl Cox knows a thing or two about facing head-on the uncomfortable issues faced in life in order to get better.

This is my life, and I’ve turned it around since DJing EDM as a method of cathartic escape. I now ask what you will do with your life, if perchance you’ve embarked upon a similar path of avoidance of discomforting problems. If you’re ready to face the music, I’ll be dancing nearby.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters. 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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