Bringing Together Sound Teaching With Sound Conduct

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

Not long ago, someone in my personal life (“person X”) realized that I conduct daily practice and provide psychoeducational lessons on the Stoic tenets of REBT. Because he appeared receptive to the information I shared, I began discussing with person X a personal philosophy.

Specifically, my approach to rational living incorporates the ABC model and unconditional acceptance. Person X expressed understanding of and belief in the Stoic techniques I taught him. However, it eventually became apparent to me that he wasn’t practicing these tools.

Instead, I learned that person X was repeating what I told him – in a very clunky manner – to other people, as though he’d originated my personal philosophy of life. Admitting that I control only my reaction to person X’s conduct, I thought attempting to influence him may work.

After discussing with person X that one preferably should first practice Stoicism by bringing together sound teaching with sound conduct, before attempting to inform others, person X subsequently is said to have allegedly physically battered person Y in an unrelated event.

Unaware that I discovered this occurrence, person X again contacted me and asked for more information on Stoicism. To recapitulate, I control only my reaction to person X’s conduct. Not only wasn’t he open to my attempt at influence, he apparently behaved worse than previously.

As well, he then reached out for more information about my personal philosophy of life, presumably to continue sharing with others the virtues about which he learned. All of this took place, despite person X understanding and believing in the Stoic techniques I taught him.

This true recounting of events, as I believe them to have occurred, is precisely the sort of content with which clients present regarding care for their mental, emotional, and behavioral health. Even still, this is nothing new to the world. Consider that Epictetus once stated (page 143):

Those who receive the bare theories immediately want to spew them, as an upset stomach does its food. First digest your theories and you won’t throw them up. Otherwise they will be raw, spoiled, and not nourishing.

After you’ve digested them, show us the changes in your reasoned choices, just like the shoulders of gymnasts display their diet and training, and as the craft of artisans show in what they’ve learned.

The ancient Stoic philosopher advocated what person X failed to comprehend—a willingness to contemplate the teachings of Stoicism and a desire to first set into motion the daily practice preferably required in order for one’s conduct to reflect what was taught.

Because my control and influence is exceedingly limited, I simply stopped sharing with person X the helpful techniques that – if practiced – could keep him from battering others. Rather, I’ll teach what I know with, as Jesus said in Matthew 11:15, “Whoever has ears, let them hear.”

Not everyone wants to hear helpful teachings. Nor absolutely should they! The willful deaf among us are free to self-disturb and suffer the unpleasant consequences of their conduct that stems from unfavorable beliefs. About this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 143):

Many of the Stoic aphorisms are simple to remember and even sound smart when quoted. But that’s not what philosophy is really about. The goal is to turn these words into works. As Musonius Rufus put it, the justification for philosophy is when “one brings together sound teaching with sound conduct.”

I aspire not to sound like a know-it-all within my blog. By no means do I know all – or even most – of Stoic teaching. In fact, I like to think that I take time to digest what I’ve consumed from sources such as The Daily Stoic before speaking with my mouth full of its teachings.

Of course, like person X, I’m merely a fallible human being. Therefore, I preemptively ask the forgiveness of those who see me proverbially speaking with teachings in the development of being processed at the beginning stages of digestion (i.e., in the mouth).

Generally, I put into daily practice what I consume regarding Stoicism. As well, I encourage you to do the same—you who have ears. In conclusion, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 143):

Today, or anytime, when you catch yourself wanting to condescendingly drop some knowledge that you have, grab it and ask: Would I be better saying words or letting my actions and choices illustrate that knowledge for me?

Bringing together sound teaching with sound conduct is something that preferably should entail devoted practice of Stoic-influenced tenets. Of course, you can do as person X apparently has by presenting as a know-it-all while altogether missing the point of Stoicism. The choice is yours.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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