It Is Well to Be Stoic

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

Have you ever had big plans to do something, only to discover that your arrangements wouldn’t come to fruition? If so, then you may consider what ancient Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca had to say about such undesirable events (page 175):

He can’t serve in the military? Let him seek public office. Must he live in the private sector? Let him be a spokesperson. Is he condemned to silence? Let him aid his fellow citizens by silent public witness.

Is it dangerous to enter the Forum? Let him display himself, in private homes, at public events and gatherings, as a good associate, faithful friend, and moderate tablemate. Has he lost the duties of a citizen? Let him exercise those of a human being.

Regarding this malleable approach to rational living, I’m reminded of a personal anecdote involving failed plans and sulking (being uncommunicative and bad-tempered on account of annoyance or resentment). This experience occurred when I was kicked out of the military.

For longer than I care to admit, I sulked following my discharge after service in the United States Marine Corps (1996-2007). At the time, I couldn’t see any other future than serving in the military. Concerning what led to my disposition, it may be useful to provide context.

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This process is known as self-disturbance.

For instance, I was kicked out of the Marines (Action) and Believed, “I can’t stand this, because I should’ve been able to continue my service! This is terrible, as my life is now worthless!” With that unaccommodating view, I then experienced resentment while sulking (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Colloquially, Stoicism relates to the endurance of pain, hardship, disappointment, or other negative experiences without the display of feelings (i.e., emotions and sensations) and without complaint. Rather than well-being offered by Stoicism, I made myself un-well and then sulked.

I imagine you’ve experience similarly unpleasant outcomes, even if you haven’t endured an event as serious as being kicked out of the military. Plans are formed, though not all plans are materialized. About this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 175):

If we can’t do this, then perhaps we can try that. And if we can’t do that, then perhaps we can try some other thing. And if that thing is impossible, there is always another. Even if that final thing is just being a good human being—we always have some opportunity to practice our philosophy, to make some contribution.

Since my discharge, I’ve tried my hand in the field of nuclear security. That didn’t work out. I considered federal law enforcement. Thankfully, I decided against that path. I’ve thrice attended programs within higher education. I also gave government service one last try for success.

If I couldn’t do this, then I tried that, and so forth and so on. Currently, I’m primarily a blogger and secondarily a psychotherapist and life coach. It is well to be Stoic, no longer disturbing myself with unfavorable beliefs about plans which weren’t well-suited for my personality.

Now, I invite you to consider how you respond to unwelcome events. Do you self-disturb, sulk, and behave in a manner that isn’t Stoic? If so, is that reaction serving your interests and goals? I suspect the answer is a resounding “no.”

Are you ready to try something different, like daily practice of the ABC model so that you may get out of your own way on the path to contentment? If so, then I encourage you not to waste what relatively little time you have left in life. It is well to be Stoic, so why not give it a try?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

Hollings, D. (2024, November 15). Assumptions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/assumptions

Hollings, D. (2024, August 7). Awfulizing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/awfulizing

Hollings, D. (2025, December 2). Being a good person: You cannot perfect the imperfectible. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/being-a-good-person-you-cannot-perfect-the-imperfectible

Hollings, D. (2025, May 7). C is for contentment and that’s good enough for me. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/c-is-for-contentment-and-that-s-good-enough-for-me

Hollings, D. (2024, July 16). Can you stand the pain? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/can-you-stand-the-pain

Hollings, D. (2024, September 15). Challenging disappointment. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/challenging-disappointment

Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation

Hollings, D. (2025, June 17). Daily practice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/daily-practice

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Empirical should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/empirical-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Feeling better vs. getting better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/feeling-better-vs-getting-better-1

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Global evaluations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/global-evaluations

Hollings, D. (2025, June 15). Griping, whining, bitching, moaning, complaining, whinging, venting, etc. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/ griping-whining-bitching-moaning-complaining-whinging,-venting-etc

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2024, January 2). Interests and goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/interests-and-goals

Hollings, D. (2024, October 1). It’s too hard. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/it-s-too-hard

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance

Hollings, D. (2023, March 21). Matching bracelets. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/matching-bracelets

Hollings, D. (2024, September 27). My attitude. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-attitude

Hollings, D. (2025, August 2). My philosophy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-philosophy

Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, May 15). Rational living. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-living

Hollings, D. (2024, March 14). REBT and emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-and-emotions

Hollings, D. (2024, July 18). REBT flexibility. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-flexibility

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Stoicism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stoicism

Hollings, D. (2024, March 7). The 6 P’s. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-6-p-s

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2025, April 18). Tolerable FAD. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/tolerable-fad

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

Hollings, D. (2024, September 29). Well, well, well. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/well-well-well

Hollings, D. (2022, September 3). You gon’ die: The existential window. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-gon-die-the-existential-window

Idea24rich. (n.d.). Contemplative antiquity a bronze statue of an ancient Greek man engrossed in a […] [Image]. Freepik. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/premium-photo/contemplative-antiquity-bronze-statue-ancient-greek-man-engrossed-wooden-tablet_228391456.htm#from_element=cross_selling__photo

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Ryan Holiday. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryan_Holiday

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Seneca the Younger. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seneca_the_Younger