Change Is neither Good nor Bad

[DISCLAIMER]

Years ago, when I engaged in the act of amateur photography, I was assisted by my friend “Freckles”—someone who I met when I lived in a children’s home in 1991. Freckles was a professional photographer, as she mentored me by teaching techniques about my hobby.

Thus, my friend helped me with change (to make different in some particular way or aspect). Specifically, although I’d been a photography hobbyist since elementary school, Freckles assisted me with changing my usual point-and-shoot approach to capturing photos.

For example, I captured the landscape in the photo above. Freckles took me to a location whereupon a dilapidated house barely stood erect, as the structure underwent significant change over the years. I imagine that many memories were connected with what was once a home.

That was what I sought to capture, a moment in decline—change over time. As the years have slipped away since I took that photo, Freckles and I have also experienced significant change in our relationship status. Now, I contemplate this matter when reading a book.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

I consider a Stoic perspective regarding the ultimate collapse of the bond that held together my friendship with Freckles. In particular, I stated in a blogpost entitled Estrangement From Family and Friends: Loving From Afar:

Unfortunately, as similarly happens in life, Freckles’s second husband self-disturbed with rigid beliefs about my relationship with his wife. This is a matter with which I’ve dealt throughout my life, as boyfriends and spouses of my female friends tend to upset themselves in this way.

I reasoned that after moving to another city Freckles’s husband would calm his mind. However, friendship with my longest-known confidant became virtually impossible. We couldn’t call, text, or maintain any other form of contact. […]

Apathy (lack of interest or concern) and antagonism (actively expressed opposition or hostility) eroded the social bond between Freckles and I—due mostly to her husband’s attitude. Finally, I made the decision to terminate the friendship altogether when her safety became an issue.

When thinking of how the friendship between Freckles and I ended after decades of closeness, I now contemplate the words of ancient Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius who stated, “There is no evil in things changing, just as there is no good in persisting in a new state” (page 335).

Change is neither good nor bad, as that which is made different in some particular way or aspect simply is what occurs. Regarding this Stoic view, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 335):

When people say change is good, they’re usually trying to reassure someone (or themselves). Because instinctively we view change as bad—or at least we’re suspicious of it. The Stoics want you to do away with those labels altogether. Change isn’t good. The status quo isn’t bad. They just are.

For context, “good” is defined as of a favorable character or tendency, or of a high or desired quality. Similarly, “bad” is defined as failing to reach an acceptable standard, or inadequate or unsuited to a purpose. According to an outlook expressed by the authors, change merely is.

I take this view in to account when reflecting upon my former friendship with Freckles, much like my point of view concerning a dilapidated house at an undisclosed location in the photo above. Change simply is, though it isn’t good or bad. In closing, the authors state (page 335):

Remember, events are objective. It’s only our opinion that says something is good or bad (and thus worth fighting against or fighting for). A better attitude? To decide to make the most of everything. But to do that you must first cease fighting.

Change is inevitable, though it isn’t good or bad. Your beliefs about that which is made different in some particular way or aspect are what render change good or bad. With this in mind, you can alter your perspective about change, though whether or not you’ll do so is entirely up to you.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

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Wikipedia. (n.d.). Marcus Aurelius. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcus_Aurelius

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