Coldplayers

[DISCLAIMER]

Photo credit, fair use

The above image was captured from the ChatGPT subreddit of the social media platform, Reddit. The title of the image is “Coldplayers,” which combines the name of British rock band Coldplay and the term “player” that one source defines thusly:

Players can be male or female. They are usually slick, dress nicely and are very charming.

They prey on people socially usually looking for sex or money. They have a way of befriending people and making them feel important, before they use them to their own ends.

Players make horrible friends or “significant others,” because they will “Judas back stab” and hurt you in any way possible if it is in their best interest. They have no loyalty to anyone but themselves.

Perhaps you have little time to entertain popular culture narratives involving the salacious details about players or how they apparently enjoy Coldplay concerts. Therefore, in the interest of context, I offer some particulars regarding the current post, as expressed by one source:

A “kiss cam” moment broadcast at a Coldplay concert struck a scandalous note when it apparently exposed a cheating tech tycoon and his head-of-HR mistress — as the band’s frontman, Chris Martin, mused that they must be “having an affair.”

The couple — identified as Astronomer CEO Andy Byron and the firm’s chief human resources officer, Kristin Cabot — scrambled to hide their faces when they were caught on the jumbotron canoodling at Gillette Stadium near Boston on Wednesday night [7/16/2025].

As a matter of unique disclaimer, I make no claim about whether or not Byron and Cabot were involved in a “scandalous” intimate partner relationship. While appearances suggest the two were romantically involved, it’s not my assertion that things are precisely as them seem.

Even if taken on the merits of appearance, concluding that both individuals were involved in an extramarital affair, I’m no one to judge either Byron or Cabot. After all, one of the precipitating events which led to my discharge from the Marine Corps involved “inappropriate contact.”

Documentation from my non-judicial punishment (NJP) proceedings in 2002 states:

020605 [2002, June 5]: Viol Art. 92, UCMJ [Uniform Code of Military Justice]. Failure to obey order or regulation. In that Sgt Hollings, did, on or about 5 December 2001 to 10 December 2001, fail to obey a lawful general order by wrongfully violating a Military Protection Order issued by the Commanding Officer of Headquarters and Headquarters Squadron. Viol Art. 134, UCMJ. Inappropriate Conduct. In that Sgt Hollings, did, on or about 2 December 2001, have inappropriate contact with [__redacted__], then known by Sgt Hollings to be married to [__redacted__], by being in bed at their home without clothing, conduct which was prejudice to the good order and discipline in the armed forces . Awd red to E-4, forf $840 pay per mo for 2 mos (Total forf $1680), and 45 days extra duties. Awd at H&HS on board MCAS Miramar by the Sqdn CO (LtCol) NJP on 020605. Rpt by [__redacted__] on [__redacted__] dtd 020605.

Events for which I was subject to NJP involved me exhibiting “inappropriate contact” with a married female Marine who was physically separated from her male Marine husband, pending divorce. At the time, I was under the impression that they’d agreed to divorce.

Thus, I self-disturbed with irrational beliefs about that event and the repercussions which followed it for years afterward. For those who are unfamiliar with the psychotherapeutic modality I daily practice, the way I phrased that may sound odd. Allow me to explain.

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, and not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence.

As an example, the separated husband of the woman with whom I was romantically linked burst into a room as I was in bed with his wife while they were pending divorce (Action). I then used global evaluation, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness self-narratives.

When conceptualizing these unhelpful Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD. For example, when the Action occurred, I Believed, “I’m a piece of shit [G], and I can’t stand that evidence will now support this conclusion [L]. This is horrible [A], and I shouldn’t be in this situation [D]!”

When using that GLAD narrative, I experienced racing thoughts (cognitive), fear (emotive), tightness in my chest (sensory), and I scrambled to move out the frame of the camera that was used to capture evidence of my conduct (behavioral) – all Consequences of my Beliefs.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of these unproductive assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Unfortunately, I didn’t know about REBT for years following the event. Thus, I self-disturbed.

Additionally, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-disturbed suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Suppose that I knew about REBT following my undesirable “inappropriate contact” event. Using UA, I could’ve applied an Effective new belief by maintaining, “Although I prefer not to have behaved as I did, I cannot change the past. Therefore, I can learn from this lesson and move on.”

Perhaps instead of unhealthy disturbance (i.e., self-downing, becoming fearful, etc.), I could’ve instead been frustrated, annoyed, or disappointed in regard to healthy distress. This would’ve been a logical and reasonable reaction, unlike merely having no effect at all regarding the event.

Noteworthy, in order to be considered “rational,” a thought or belief empirically must remain in accordance with both logic and reason. Therefore, in the interest of rational living, people can practice the ABC model and UA in order to un-disturb themselves.

Yesterday, when scouring Reddit for personal REBT practice regarding reactions to the Byron and Cabot event, I found a Redditor’s response that advocated rational living. Even if the individual didn’t intentionally draw upon REBT principles, he espoused them nonetheless:

Photo credit, fair use

In particular, the Redditor stated, “In the face of difficult moments, it’s our mindset that shapes the outcome. I’m inspired to turn challenges into stepping stones, to show resilience, and to keep pushing forward no matter what.”

To deliberately understate the matter, the Redditor’s healthy statement wasn’t well-received by members of the LinkedInLunatics subreddit. Irrespective of their criticism, I applaud Stoic perspectives which advocate personal responsibility and accountability for one’s own reactions.

Unhelpfully, I didn’t take personal ownership in a similar fashion regarding my unhealthy reaction to “inappropriate conduct” which I exhibited in the Marine Corps. With hope, Byron and Cabot won’t make a similar mistake. What’s done is done. Now, is the time to heal.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

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