Don't Push Me

[DISCLAIMER]

On his the fifth studio album, serving as his first posthumous album and the last released with his creative input, The Don Killuminati: The 7 Day Theory (1996), the late rapper 2Pac famously began the track “Hail Mary”, featuring the Outlawz, saying, “I ain’t a killer, but don’t push me.”

Since then, many rappers have used the line to establish a boundary. The phrase “don’t push me” connotes not treating a person in an undesirable, negative, threatening, or intimidating manner. Generally, it’s used in an assertive fashion before aggressive or dismissive action follows.

This phrase can be used rationally (in accordance with both logic and reason) or irrationally. Considering the latter, I view 2Pac’s advisement through the lens of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), as relating to a conditional type of demand regarding the ABC model.

For context, the ABC model illustrates that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. In REBT, this is known as self-disturbance.

In an imaginary 2Pac example, suppose someone taunted the rapper (Action) and he used the conditional Belief, “Either you stop pushing me, or I must kill you!” With this unaccommodating advisement, 2Pac caused himself rage as he prepared to take someone’s life (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Rather than using an irrational boundary, imagine that 2Pac instead used a rational one. Someone taunted the rapper (Action) and he Believed, “You preferably shouldn’t push me, though it’s not as if you’re literally placing your hands on me, so I can tolerate your behavior.”

With this flexible perspective, the rapper experiences healthy distress in the form of frustration, annoyance, or disappointment. Using the ABC model, you are able to un-disturb by altering what you tell yourself during undesirable events – of which there are virtually countess in a lifetime.

Now, let’s test your knowledge of this psychoeducational lesson. On the 2020 compilation album The Playamade Meskins, rappers Lucky Luciano and HGM Hunnid, along with vocalist Jamie Ray, were featured on the track “Don’t Push Me”. In homage to 2Pac, chorus lyrics state:

I ain’t no killer, but don’t push me, ‘cause I’m so close to the edge. I ain’t no killer, but don’t push me, ‘cause, bitch, I’ll put one in yo head.

Given what you understand about REBT, are these lyrics representative of a rational or irrational boundary? In essence, is it logical and reasonable to tell people that either they leave you alone, or you’ll shoot them? If you believe this is rational, then you may be in need of therapy services.

For everyone else, it’s obvious that the chorus of “Don’t Push Me” represents an irrational boundary. Consideration of such boundaries is important for both clients and psychotherapists alike. For instance, one REBT source states (page 144):

[N]o matter how therapists try to encourage (or persuade) some clients to execute full-exposure homework assignments, clients may steadfastly refuse to do so. In the face of such opposition, if therapists persist in their persuasive tactics, they commit two therapeutic errors.

First, they threaten the therapeutic alliance between themselves and their “resistant” clients. In such instances, the therapeutic alliance is likely to break down in the task domain. Although therapist and client may have a good collaborative relationship (an effective bond) and may agree on the client’s goals (shared goals), they disagree about the tasks that the client is prepared to do in order to achieve the therapeutic goals.

Second, such overly persistent therapists serve as poor role models, as they tend to believe that clients must be “efficient” in their approach to therapy and must therefore do full-exposure assignments. Paradoxically, these therapists, by insisting that their clients execute certain types of homework assignments, are in fact being inefficient themselves. A breakdown in the therapeutic alliance often leads to therapeutic impasses, which in turn often lead to clients’ dropping out of treatment.

When negotiating behavioral experiment (full-exposure) homework with clients, it’s important for me to consider whether or not their expressed or exhibited boundary is rational or irrational. In short, are they using a 2Pac, Lucky Luciano HGM Hunnid, or Jamie Ray boundary, or not?

Suppose they’re using rational boundaries. If clients are resistant to the point at which they’re contemplating a termination of psychotherapeutic services, it’s not worth pushing them to challenge resistance in that moment. As such, I honor a “don’t push me” perspective.

It’s even been the case since I began informally life-coaching in 1991, and having become a psychotherapist in 2011, that some people simply want to share their problems with someone else – not at all seeking resolution to such matters. It happens.

This is where my years of care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health come in handy for both the clients and I. While I don’t have everything figured out, I think that I at least know what a healthy (rational) “don’t push me” narrative is, and when it’s worth honoring.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit (edited), fair use

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