Enabling Sick People to Just Become Selfish Psychopaths

[DISCLAIMER]

The above photo, featuring my dad and his four biological children, was taken in 2010. As my dad’s eyesight was deteriorating, I planned a family trip so that my dad could see his children together for one last time. This is because my family isn’t one in which togetherness is valued.

As an example, even though my family came together for one last opportunity to pose for family photos, I wound up physically restraining one of my sisters from committing homicide regarding another of my sisters. This happened within approximately forty-eight hours of the above photo.

That’s how my family is! Some families get together and enjoy the company of one another. Other families engage in violence. The family into which I was born tends to favor the latter.

I keep this in mind with my approach to care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”). Now, I invite you to reflect upon the diversity of family nonadaptive behavioral patterns while reading the information contained herein.

In this blogpost, the terms “therapist” and “therapy” are synonyms of psychotherapist and psychotherapy. Given this, I invite you to consider that I recently listened to an episode of Joe Rogan’s podcast during which he interviewed Tim Dillon, as the latter stated:

Family in America almost means, like, nothing. Like we’ve, we’ve kind of, we’ve… everything’s such an individual pursuit that family means nothing. And, like, that’s reinforced. Like, I am in an argument with my father. His wife has different political views on certain things.

So, we haven’t spoken in a little bit. My cousin’s getting married and I told… I have a therapist now that I’ve had for six months who – I don’t know if it’s good or… I don’t know if you ever know if a therapist is good or not – and I told my therapist. You know, my dad and his wife are going to be there, and I haven’t spoken to them, but I love my cousin and I want to support her marriage, and I want to go.

And my therapist goes, “Well, you don’t have to go.” My therapist goes, “If you feel like it’s going to make you happy, go.” So, therapy in our country is… has become a way to, kind of, enable, like, sick people to just become selfish psychopaths.

And family in America means almost nothing. And it is reinforced how little family means, because, like, doctors will tell you, “Yeah, fuck it, it’s your father. Who cares?” So, it’s basically a thing where, like, I think when you go to these other countries and you realize how deeply rooted a lot of things are in family and culture and tradition, and then we come from a country where, like, almost very little is… I’m not saying people don’t have great families here.

But, like, you know, America is about you. And it’s not about… if you don’t agree with your sister, fuck her! If your mother disagrees with you, block her! That’s our country. And in other countries, that’s unheard of. Like, that’s unheard of. Like, it doesn’t happen.

And you know, the comedian was explaining to me, like, in India there’s, there’s, like, a lot less of a drug problem in certain areas. And he was… he was wondering why. And he goes, “Well, people don’t want to do drugs to, like, disgrace their family.”

Even poor people, even poor people’ll be like, “I don’t want to be a drug addict, ‘cause my family’s going to think bad about that.” Whereas here, there’s people that’ll shoot up in front of their parents. You know what I mean?

Like, so it’s just a different it. Like it’s, it’s culturally, we’ve gotten to this point where people are having less children. Family means very little. So, then what has replaced that? It’s clearly the state and corporations and ideologies. So, they’ve replaced families and communities.

Before addressing the substance of Dillon’s argument, it may be useful to define some terms. Colloquially, the word “sick” relates to being affected with disease or ill health. As well, the American Psychological Association (APA) thusly defines enabling:

1. a process whereby someone (i.e., the enabler) contributes to continued maladaptive or pathological behavior (e.g., child abuse, substance abuse) in another person. The enabler is typically an intimate partner or good friend who passively permits or unwittingly encourages this behavior in the other person; often, the enabler is aware of the destructiveness of the person’s behavior but feels powerless to prevent it[—also referred to as disempowerment].

2. the process of encouraging or allowing individuals to meet their own needs and achieve desired ends. A therapist attempts to enable clients to believe in themselves, have the confidence to act on their desires, and affirm their ability to achieve. [Also referred to as empowerment]

The first APA definition of enabling is generally considered unhealthy, as the second definition is typically thought of as healthy. Also, the APA defines selfishness as “the tendency to act excessively or solely in a manner that benefits oneself, even if others are disadvantaged.”

As for the term “psychopaths,” I conducted an in-depth review of this antiquated term in a blogpost entitled Suicide-Psycho. The summary of what I stated was thus:

Colloquially, “psycho” is an informal and disparaging term that means of, relating to, or being a person who is mentally or emotionally unsound or unstable, especially in a way that results in dangerous or violent behavior. This dated term infers psychopathy, now called ASPD [antisocial personality disorder].

Importantly, Dillon’s use of the term “psychopaths” isn’t clinical or diagnostic. Thus, it’s as irrelevant to the field of psychotherapy as the term “crazy” (used offensively, not mentally sound: marked by thought or action that lacks reason). As such, this term is largely unhelpful.

Now that I’ve defined relevant terms, I’ll consider Dillon’s claim about his therapist as a charitable representation of events. Perhaps this person actually stated, “Well, you don’t have to go” to a wedding and, “If you feel like it’s going to make you happy, go.”

I don’t view this matter as remarks which, according to Dillon, “enable, like, sick people to just become selfish psychopaths.” Rather, I consider the referenced statements as remaining in alignment with the APA’s second definition of enabling, as it regards empowerment.

Take my family, as an example. I self-empoweringly arranged one last get-together so that my dad could observe his children before his eyesight was fully diminished. Yet, that visit almost resulted in murder (the crime of unlawfully and unjustifiably killing a person).

Therefore, it’s wise for some of my family members never again to be around one another. This is true, irrespective of how “unheard of” this is in “other countries,” as Dillon stated. My family isn’t in or from India. We’re from the United States, as we live in this country.

Ergo, it isn’t a matter of unhelpful enabling for the fallible human beings we so evidently are, notwithstanding however “sick” we may or may not be, to stay away from one another. Notably, self-preservation isn’t a matter of “selfish psychopaths.” In fact, it’s a standard of wellness.

After all, when in elementary school, I actually attempted to murder two people featured in the photo above. Likewise, I credibly threatened to murder one of the people in the picture shortly after graduating high school. That’s how my family is! If yours isn’t, then good on you!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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