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Have To

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • Sep 7
  • 8 min read

 

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

 

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

 

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

 

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

 

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

 

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

 

Although still serving as a form of prescription rather than description, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs doesn’t necessarily cause self-upset. Here, rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

 

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

 

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” self-disturbing philosophies of life.

 

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

 

On rapper Starlito’s mixtape Produced by Coop: The Starlito Tape (2012), produced by Coop, is the track “If I Have To” which features rapper Young Buck. On Young Buck’s verse, the rapper uses a derivative of “have to” by expressing what he would do if he “had to”:

 

Shoot a nigga dead right now, if I had to

Hop out, walk up, and just blast you

Snatch him out of Chevy

Take what’s on his wrist. Let the young niggas strip it

Set that home bricks

You want a quarter ounce

I can really give you six, if I had to

I can get a million from sticks, I get at you

I’m pissed! You don’t want your name on that list

When we come through, nigga, we don’t miss

Throwing shells out tha’ choppa

You would think I pitch. It’s the way I swing my arm

Hold it with a grip. Now would you sell dope if I had to?

Rob if I had to, file bankrupt and go hard, if you had to?

Just don’t answer what the FBI asked you

When you get your time, see, the streets do your math, too

I ain’t made it out. How can I come back and grab you?

Kill a rapper! I do that, too, if I had to

 

On the track “If I Have To”, Young Buck’s expressed “had to” narratives are synonymous with stating that he or the listener should, must, or ought to do something. For instance, “Kill a rapper! I do that, too, if I had to,” is the same as saying, “Kill a rapper! I do that, too, if I must!”

 

Considering his admission, do you view Young Buck’s statement as flexible or inflexible? Let’s look at it a bit closer. “Kill a rapper! I do that, too, if I absolutely had to,” versus, “Kill a rapper! I do that, too, if I preferably had to!”

 

Given this clarification, is Young Buck’s narrative flexible or inflexible? Here, some professional REBT practitioners and I may disagree. The short answer is that the rapper’s admission could be either flexible or inflexible, depending on the context. Allow me to explain.

 

Scenario one: Rapper X accidentally steps on and scuffs Young Buck’s shoe (Action). Young Buck then unfavorably Believes, “Kill a rapper! I do that, too, if I have to!” With this rigid attitude, Young Buck becomes angry and shoots rapper X in the face (Consequence).

 

Scenario two: Rapper X breaks into Young Buck’s home (Action). Discovering the intruder, Young Buck then favorably Believes, “Kill a rapper! I do that, too, if I have to!” With this flexible attitude, Young Buck becomes fearful and shoots rapper X in the face (Consequence).

 

Although some professional practitioners of mental, emotional, and behavior health may dis-empower people by claiming that individuals have to allow themselves to be victimized in scenario two, I disagree. Per my value of the non-aggression principle, I advocate self-defense.

 

Perhaps you disagree. Maybe you wouldn’t kill a home intruder if you had to. Good on you for sticking to your values! You do what you have to, and I’ll do what I have to. Whereas scenario one is clearly an example of rigidity, scenario two obviously isn’t. Again, you may disagree.

 

Now, do you understand why this is a finer point of REBT? Not every scenario is as simple as this-or-that, good-or-bad, and so forth. Even if you disagree with my description of a self-defense scenario, as I’ve offered no prescription herein, I find your disagreement acceptable.

 

At least you’re thinking critically, which I can’t say is true for everyone. In any case, I appreciate your attention to this finer point of the ABC model. If you’re looking for a professional REBT practitioner who will dis-empower you, then I’m not the individual for whom you’re searching.

 

However, if you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, and who advocates self-defense, then I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


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