I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now
Earlier, when listening to an electronic dance music (EDM) DJ set by Yamatomaya, I heard her spin the track “Pegasus” (2023), by Meduza and Eli & Fur. The lyrics include:
I wish I knew then what I know now
And are we ever gonna get to higher ground?
I wish I knew then what I know now
And are we ever gonna get to higher ground?
For context, the American Psychological Association defines a wish as “in classical psychoanalytic theory, the psychological manifestation of a biological instinct that operates on a conscious or unconscious level,” and “in general language, any desire or longing.”
Now, I stated in Wishcasting that “it’s often the case that people inflexibly treat the irrational act of wishcasting as though it simply must result in one’s desired outcome while thereafter experiencing despair.” Thus, wishes often regard either hopeful anticipation or rigid expectation.
In “Pegasus”, Eli & Fur express a “wish” regarding the past and the present (i.e., “I wish I knew then what I know now”), reflective of hopeful anticipation about the future (i.e., “are we ever gonna get to higher ground?”). This matter now serves as a psychoeducational lesson.
Namely, Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).
With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).
The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.
Regarding one’s circle of concern and ULA, one can admit that the past in unalterable. While one may wish to know now what one knew then, this form of wishcasting may result in disappointment, if used flexibly, or despair, if used inflexibly.
Concerning one’s circle of influence and UOA, one may acknowledge that oneself and one’s intimate partner may never achieve higher ground in the future. Although one may flexibly wish to elevate the romantic relationship, inflexible wishcasting may not bode well for the partnership.
Relating to one’s circle of control and USA, one may recognize that the past and other people aren’t subject to the flexible or inflexible demands of one individual. Thus, one would do well to focus on the only element one controls in this regard: one’s reaction to undesirable events.
Pertaining to one’s area of no concern, this is an imaginary realm. It doesn’t actually exist. Therefore, it’s the dimension within the mind in which wishes certainly come true. To be frank, that’s the stuff of dreams—kind of like inflexibly expecting one’s wishes to work.
If you comprehend the lesson outlined herein, then I encourage you to consider the irrationality of wishcasting (making a prediction or interpreting a situation based on what you want to happen rather than looking at real facts or proof). You don’t know now what you knew then. That’s OK.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
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