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You'll Have Suffered Twice

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • 7 days ago
  • 7 min read

 

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

 

Per one Stoic source, “You spend your present moment agonizing over a future tragedy that’ll likely never happen. If it does happen, you’ll have suffered twice. If it doesn’t happen, you suffered for absolutely no reason. Anxiety is just paying interest on a debt you don’t even owe.”

 

The American Psychological Association defines suffering as “the experience of pain or acute distress, either physical or psychological, in response to a physical trauma or a significant event, particularly one that is threatening or involves loss (e.g., the death of a loved one).”

 

From the perspective of the ABC model used in REBT, there’s no Action-Consequence connection that causes “debt you don’t even owe” when you’re anxious to the point of suffering. Rather, a Belief-Consequence connection explains how people distress or disturb themselves.

 

Thus, when spending the present worrying about the future—a moment in time that never arrives, because you can live only in this moment—you’ll have suffered twice if whatever you’ve worried about actually comes to fruition. About this matter, Seneca  stated (page 256):

 

It’s ruinous for the soul to be anxious about the future and miserable in advance of misery, engulfed by anxiety that the things it desires might remain its own until the very end. For such a soul will never be at rest—by longing for things to come it will lose the ability to enjoy present things.

 

For example, you pay close attention to media news sources (Action) and unfavorably Believe, “The future is hopeless, and I can’t stand it, because it’s awful when things are so chaotic, as they mustn’t be so unstable,” then this unhelpful script will cause anxiousness (Consequence).

 

Perhaps the future will transition into the present, perhaps not. You may die! Or maybe you’ll have suffered twice if choosing to worry about that which you can’t control or influence, though hopefully not. Regarding this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 256):

 

The way we nervously worry about some looming bad news is strange if you think about it. By definition, the waiting means it hasn’t happened yet, so that feeling bad in advance is totally voluntary.

 

But that’s what we do: chewing our nails, feeling sick to our stomachs, rudely brushing aside the people around us. Why? Because something bad might occur soon.

 

When providing psychoeducational lessons on REBT, I often receive pushback when instructing people that they mostly choose to self-distress or self-disturb about the future. Nevertheless, this teaching concerns truth about reality about which authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 256):

 

The pragmatist, the person of action, is too busy to waste time on such silliness. The pragmatist can’t worry about every possible outcome in advance. Think about it. Best case scenario—if the news turns out to be better than expected, all this time was wasted with needless fear. Worst case scenario—we were miserable for extra time, by choice.

 

Perchance you don’t like discovering that you upset yourself by choice. Good! Then you have the ability to make different selections for your life. For instance, you can instead concern yourself with the here and now. Of this, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 256):

 

And what better use could you make of that time? A day that could be your last—you want to spend it in worry? In what other area could you make some progress while others might be sitting on the edges of their seat, passively awaiting some fate? Let the news come when it does. Be too busy working to care.

 

If you opt to worry, then you’ll have suffered twice. Is that what you want? If not, then I invite you to focus on the present. Moreover, you may try choosing to consider matters over which you do have control and influence. All else is merely noise about which you’ll have suffered twice.

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


Photo credit, Designed by Freepik, fair use

 

References:

 

APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Suffering. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/suffering

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

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