Let's Just Not Even Discuss It, Man

[DISCLAIMER]

Fickle Neuroticism

At times, hip hop fans behave in a manner which is fickle (marked by lack of steadfastness, constancy, or stability: given to erratic changeableness). One minute, they gleefully express admiration for an artist. The next minute, they act as though they never liked the entertainer.

One such case example is the feud between rapper, singer, and actor Drake, and lyricist, singer, and songwriter Kendrick Lamar. Regarding the matter, I stated in a blogpost entitled What’s Beef?:

Providing an example of two lyricists who engaged in verbal beef [a feud], hip hop legends Nas and Jay-Z took proverbial shots at one another on various tracks […] Still, in his song “Get Out My Way,” New York rapper Cormega stated of the feud, “That Jay-Z–Nas beef doesn’t involve me (I’m sorry)” […]

Drake, Kendrick Lamar, and other emcees have engaged in beef. Regarding the matter, I assume a rendition of Cormega’s position – that beef doesn’t involve me (not sorry). Although I used to consume hip hop material related to various beefs, I’ve evolved since those days.

Admittedly, I’m a fan of the music created by both Drake and Kendrick Lamar. Rather than neurotically focusing on who said what to whom, and how rap feuds supposedly impact my life in any meaningful way, I reject fickle behavior exhibited by many fans of hip hop.

Notably, the American Psychological Association defines neuroticism as “one of the dimensions of the five-factor personality model and the Big Five personality model, characterized by a chronic level of emotional instability and proneness to psychological distress.”

I have no problem saying that I’m a fan of Drake’s music. Perhaps you disagree with my perspective. That’s fine. Though, if you want to beef about the matter, as stated by Reverend X, “You don’t like it? Kiss my ass, you don’t like it,” and, “Your thoughts ain’t my thoughts!”

REBT and the Area of No Concern

When practicing Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I use the ABC model and unconditional acceptance (UA), the two main techniques of REBT, to address the matter of self-disturbance. Before demonstrating a specific example of these tools, further context is needed.

First, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence.

As an example, some hip hop fans heard Kendrick Lamar’s unsubstantiated accusations about Drake’s sex life (Action) and plausibly Believed, “It’s awful, if true, so I shouldn’t support someone who’s a fan of the playground,” as this self-narrative caused disgust (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Second, REBT uses UA to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Helpfully, a hip hop fan who heard Kendrick Lamar’s unsubstantiated accusations about Drake’s sex life (Action) could Effectively believe, “Drake is a fallible human being [USA], as am I [ULA], and life itself is imperfect [ULA], as all I can control is my reaction to Actions [UA].”

Let’s Just Not Even Discuss It, Man

Presuming you understand the basics of the ABC model and UA, I now invite you to further contemplate the area of no concern. This is a significantly different concept than the circle of concern.

For instance, I often write about Stoicism. In particular, I create blog content regarding the Stoic virtue of justice. As an example, I’ve written a number of posts concerning what I maintain are actions taken by Israel as plausibly committing genocide, ethnic cleansing, and war crimes.

From a USA perspective, regarding the circle of control, I acknowledge that I have no control and limited influence over the nation state of Israel. In fact, the only thing I actually control in this matter is my reaction to the atrocities which have taken, and are currently taking, place.

From a UOA outlook, related to the circle of influence, I recognize that the limited influence I may have concerning actions taken by Israel manifests in the form of blog content. That’s it! It’s as though Israeli leaders can tell me to kiss their asses, because my thoughts aren’t their thoughts.

From a ULA worldview, concerning the circle of concern, I admit that matters such as genocide, ethnic cleansing, and war crimes are so far removed from my circles of control and influence that it’s almost pointless to discuss them. Yet, in the interest of justice, I’m healthily concerned.

What then may be stated about the area of no concern, as it relates to what Israel will do 100 years from now, whether or not leaders of Israel are being influenced by otherworldly beings, and so on? What legitimate control, influence, or concern do I have regarding such matters?

None! Thus, I value the track “10 Bands” from the fourth mixtape If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late by Drake—whose mom is an Ashkenazi Jew. On the song, the rapper states to the audience when discussing his wealth, “Fuck it, man. Let’s just not even discuss it, man.”

That’s precisely my view concerning the area of no concern. I have as much control or influence about how much is in Drake’s bank account as I do regarding who Israel will attack next. Why waste what little time I have remaining in life self-disturbing with rigid discussions otherwise?

Did you catch the keyword in that last sentence? I write about atrocities committed by Israel and supported by the United States, some of which are within my circle of concern and others of which are in my area of no concern. Still, I do so flexibly, not with “rigid” discussion.

Therefore, I’ll adaptively discuss matters within my area of no concern. Yet, when it comes to rigid demands about what should, must, or ought to be the case (or not), “Fuck it, man. Let’s just not even discuss it, man.” I have better things than that to do with my limited time on Earth.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit (edited), fair use

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