Living Within Your Means

[DISCLAIMER]

Living within your means is a personal principle regarding the financial practice of spending less money than you earn or, more broadly, spending only on what you can afford. Concerning this helpful practice, I stated in We Buy Things We Don’t Need, to Impress People We Don’t Like:

In adolescence, I [tried] to impress girls with tangible items. For example, in high school, I made contact with a Bomb City hustler (“T-Bone”) who negotiated a payment plan for the sale of his BMW 325i. It turned out to be a dangerous ordeal, though his sales pitch was enticing.

“Say, young blood,” T-Bone said to me when using a term of endearment expressed by black people at the time, “you see this ride here? You gon’ be drivin’ down the street, and girls just gon’ be throwin’ they panties at you!” I’d never before experienced such an event.

As a moderately attractive teen, even if I thought of myself as being ugly, it wasn’t as though I had difficulty attaining the attention of adolescent girls. Therefore, I didn’t need the car offered to me by T-Bone. Yet, I desired the experience sold to me by the hustler.

I wanted to appear to others as though I was living above, not within, my means. However, the vehicle I purchased from T-Bone was NFL—urban slang representing “not for long”—regarding my ownership. About this matter, I stated in They Best to be Ready to Move:

[W]hen I was in high school, a suspected thug (“T-Bone”) sold me a BMW. Despite the fact that I made regular payments to the man, he one day “repossessed” the vehicle. T-Bone’s explanation for doing so was that I allegedly fell behind on monthly payments. That was a lie.

Apparently, T-Bone found a teenage boy upon whom he could run a con job (scheme to swindle or deceive someone). I was essentially allowed to rent the vehicle until a time when he had other plans for the car, though this was never our expressed agreement. I believed I was buying the car.

When I threatened legal action, T-Bone paid a visit to my home and threatened me with physical violence. I then informed my gangbanging friends about the matter and one of the gang members devised a plan to murder the man. I objected and pursued other means to an end.

By not living within my means, I exposed myself to hardship. Still, I survived the ordeal and now use this personal anecdote for psychoeducational teachings on the psychotherapeutic modality I practice. As well, this event ties into a lesson from a book that I’ve been reading.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote ancient Stoic philosopher Seneca who stated, “Let us get used to dining out without the crowds, to being a slave to fewer slaves, to getting clothes only for their real purpose, and to living in more modest quarters” (page 279). T-Bone taught me a lesson on modesty!

Living within your means isn’t the practice of trying to impress others. Furthermore, it regards seeking contentment with what simply is rather than unhelpfully fixating on what isn’t. Providing an anecdote similar to mine, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 279):

The writer Stefan Zweig—known for his Stoic-esque wisdom—was at one point one of the bestselling authors in the world, only to have his life destroyed by the rise of Hitler. It’s a sad yet timeless rhythm of history: politicians are run out of office for taking a stand we later recognize as courageous.

Countless hardworking and prosperous couples have their money stolen by financial crooks. Someone is accused of a crime but not vindicated until years later.

Zweig apparently lost all that he had, as I merely lost a BMW. Either way, from an REBT perspective—using Stoicism as a core theme to this psychotherapeutic model, it isn’t what happens though it’s our reaction to events that matters. Of this, the authors state (page 279):

At any moment we may be toppled from our perch and made to do with less—less money, less recognition, less access, less resources. Even the “less-es” that come with age: less mobility, less energy, less freedom. But we can prepare for that, in some way, by familiarizing ourselves with what that might feel like.

Stoically living within your means is a practice for the potential that you may one day lose everything (i.e., family, material possessions, etc.). Although you may not want this to occur, you can survive it! In this vein, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 279):

One way to protect yourself from the swings of fate—and from the emotional vertigo that can result—is by living within your means now. So today, we can try to get used to having and surviving on less so that if we are ever forced to have less, it would not be so bad.

At this stage in life, I can purchase a BMW that is far better than the one I briefly owned in high school. But, why would I? I’ve lost several vehicles since adolescence. All things shall pass, so I live within my means and remain content with what I have. How about you?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

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