Look at Everything Close Up

[DISCLAIMER]

While on voluntary appellate leave from the Marine Corps, after experiencing administrative and legal problems, I relied heavily on a family for support. Though we weren’t biologically related, they were the family with whom I lived after my residence at a children’s home in my youth.

Between their two adult-aged daughters, there were six young boys who I viewed as my unrelated “nephews.” When engaging with them in the moment, I lost sight of my military woes. Reflecting upon that period of life, I now contemplate a lesson on the importance of the present.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

Unbeknownst to me when interacting with my “nephews,” I behaved in a Stoic manner. For context, consider that authors of The Daily Stoic quote ancient Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius who stated (page 191):

Don’t let your reflection on the whole sweep of life crush you. Don’t fill your mind with all the bad things that might still happen. Stay focused on the present situation and ask yourself why it’s so unbearable and can’t be survived.

Aurelius alluded to what is known in REBT as a belief of low frustration tolerance (LFT). When convincing oneself that an experience is “so unbearable and can’t be survived,” it’s as though the mind is given a script related to the impossibility of ever overcoming the undesirable event.

Unfavorably, I needlessly subjected myself to many LFT narratives while waiting on an appeal outcome regarding my final court-martial from the Marines. Yet, when playing with my “nephews,” I developed a helpful belief of high frustration tolerance (HFT).

Specifically, I reasoned that the unpleasant experience of administrative and legal problems was actually bearable and could be survived. Even if my appeal didn’t go in my favor, my here-and-now experience of being surrounded with love and support by a family mattered most to me.

Thus, I didn’t dwell on matters of the past or future as much as I concentrated on that which existed in the very moment I was alive (i.e., the present). Regarding this perspective, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 191):

When you look back at some of the most impressive, even scary, things that you’ve done or endured, how were they possible? How were you able to see past the danger or the poor odds? As Marcus described, you were too busy with the details to let the whole sweep of the situation crush you. In fact, you probably didn’t even think about it at the time.

Admittedly, it wasn’t that I never thought about my military woes, because I did. However, when engaging with what truly mattered most in the present, problems associated with my appeal simply dissolved into nothingness. About this, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 191):

A character in Chuck Palahniuk’s novel Lullaby says, “The trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close up.” Sometimes grasping the big picture is important, and the Stoics have helped us with that before. A lot of times, though, it’s counterproductive and overwhelming to be thinking of everything that lies ahead. So by focusing exclusively on the present, we’re able to avoid or remove those intimidating or negative thoughts from our frame of view.

What the authors appear to advocate, as was the case for Aurelius, is a transition from LFT to HFT by looking at everything up close. Rather than actively focusing on the many things which could go against your desires or demands, you instead actively focus on the moment at hand. 

This requires a conscious effort to acknowledge how little control and influence you have over most matters in life. Thus, you can actively focus on that which you can control—your ability to consider the present moment. About this view, authors of The Daily Stoic conclude (page 191):

A man walking a tightrope tries not to think about how high up he is. An undefeated team tries not to think about their perfect winning streak. Like us, they’re better off putting one foot in front of the other and considering everything else to be extraneous.

Are you willing to try the helpful practice of focusing on right here, right now? Why not give this method of rational living a try? I suppose some of the major elements of life that you risk losing in this regard are your LFT beliefs in favor of HFT beliefs. Would that be so bad?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

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Wikipedia. (n.d.). Chuck Palahniuk. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Palahniuk

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