My Turn

[DISCLAIMER]

On his album Leave Me Where You Found Me (2023), rapper, singer, and songwriter Iann Dior featured the track “My Turn”. Lyrics of the pre-chorus state:

They told me wait my turn, but I need it right now

Everything that I got, I earned, you decide to come around

Everything that I build, you watch it fall down

Used to be cool with a lil’, but I need it all now

For the seasoned Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) practitioner who reads this blogpost, can you spot the demandingness narratives used by the artist? (It’s not that difficult, famo, because I italicized ‘em for you.)

For the uninitiated, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption and not the occurrence itself that causes an unpleasant Consequence.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs. While unfavorable beliefs cause self-disturbance, favorable beliefs serve to un-disturb you.

Some context on Dior’s narratives may be helpful. In a blogpost entitled Want vs. Need, I stated, “Now, when discussing a ‘need,’ I’m referring to something that is required, because it is essential or a necessity. By ‘essential,’ I’m referencing that which is absolutely necessary.”

Regarding “My Turn,” the rapper states “they told me wait my turn, but I need it right now.” Considering the definition of a need, do you maintain that Dior absolutely requires fame, fortune, or success? Herein, let’s be rational (in accordance with either logic or reason). He doesn’t.

Although he may prefer to attain a specific standard of accomplishment, it isn’t as though Dior absolutely must achieve this outcome. Thus, I argue that he uses an irrational expectation in the form of demandingness. Of this, in a blogpost entitled Preferences vs. Expectations, I stated:

When working with people to interrogate their demandingness self-narratives, I distinguish between preferences and expectations. A “preference” refers to a greater liking for one alternative over another or others. For instance, I prefer the color blue to the color red.

An “expectation” is a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future. As an example, clients and I enter into a contractually-binding agreement whereby I expect payment for the psychotherapeutic and life coaching services which I provide.

Whereas it’s rational (in accordance with both logic and reason) to maintain a legal should belief about contractual services, it’s irrational to maintain that red tape absolutely shouldn’t exist within one’s place of employment.

Whereas a preference is flexible, a demanded expectation is inflexible. When the object of one’s preference isn’t attained, an individual may experience healthy distress (e.g., disappointment). Who hasn’t been disappointed on many occasions throughout life? It’s natural and regrettable.

Yet when one doesn’t receive what one demands, a person may experience unhealthy disturbance (e.g., rage). There are plenty videos of people on social media platforms who’ve disturbed themselves into enraged dispositions. It’s an unnatural and uncomfortable experience.

With psychoeducational understanding about what I’ve stated thus far, what do you make of Dior’s line “used to be cool with a lil’, but I need it all now”? Is this an example of a flexible preference or inflexible demanded expectation? (Hint, famo, I italicized demandingness.)

Admittedly, I once experienced difficulty separating my desires from things I needed. This was even the case during the early stages of my psychotherapeutic practice. Addressing this matter in a blogpost entitled Desire Much, but Need Very Little, I stated:

Given the distinction between “desire” and “need,” is it true that I need to be of help to my clients? No. I may desire to assist people with improving their level of functioning and quality of life. However, I’m not personally responsible or accountable for the outcomes of my clients.

Therefore, in order to lead a psychologically healthy life, it’s okay for me to desire much, but need very little. Not only is this an achievable standard, it’s one that drastically reduces self-disturbance.

In closing, imagine that Dior wanted to un-disturb himself. He could flexibly believe “they told me wait my turn, but I’d like it right now” and “used to be cool with a lil’, but I’d prefer it all now.” If the rapper didn’t receive what he preferred, what may be the outcome?

(This isn’t that difficult, famo, because you’ve probably not gotten most things in life that you wanted. What was your outcome during those times?) I suspect that Dior may be disappointed, which is a natural consequence of an unmet healthy desire.

Thus, this post is “my turn” to provide a helpful lesson on how to un-disturb oneself. When it’s your turn to put this teaching to use, what will you do? Regarding your mental, emotional, and behavioral health, will “you watch it fall down,” as referenced in “My Turn”? Well, famo?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, photographer: Yasmine Diba, fair use

References:

$*JHill*$. (2005, October 15). Famo. Urban Dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=famo

Apple Music. (n.d.). Leave Me Where You Found Me. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/album/leave-me-where-you-found-me/1711616316

Hetherington, S. (2024, June 24). Yasmine Diba. Monster Children. Retrieved from https://www.monsterchildren.com/brightyoungthings/yasmine-diba

Hollings, D. (2024, July 9). Absolutistic should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/absolutistic-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, November 15). Assumptions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/assumptions

Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2024, October 21). Desire. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/desire

Hollings, D. (2024, January 10). Desire much, but need very little. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/desire-much-but-need-very-little

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2025, March 12). Distress vs. disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/distress-vs-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Feeling better vs. getting better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/feeling-better-vs-getting-better-1

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2024, October 14). Irrational expectation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/irrational-expectation

Hollings, D. (2025, June 13). It isn’t manly to be enraged. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/it-isn-t-manly-to-be-enraged

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Legal should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/legal-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2025, January 14). Level of functioning and quality of life. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/level-of-functioning-and-quality-of-life

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2023, January 8). Logic and reason. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/logic-and-reason

Hollings, D. (2024, March 4). Mental, emotional, and behavioral health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/mental-emotional-and-behavioral-health

Hollings, D. (2024, September 27). My attitude. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-attitude

Hollings, D. (2023, November 25). No ragrets. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/no-ragrets

Hollings, D. (2023, April 24). On truth. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-truth

Hollings, D. (2022, November 7). Personal ownership. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-ownership

Hollings, D. (2025, April 25). Preferences vs. expectations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/preferences-vs-expectations

Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Psychoeducation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychoeducation

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2023, March 9). Road rage. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/road-rage

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2024, March 24). Smartphone and social media addiction. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/smartphone-and-social-media-addiction

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2025, April 18). Tolerable FADs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/tolerable-fads

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

Hollings, D. (2023, May 3). Want vs. need. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/want-vs-need

Iann Dior. (2023, April 20). Iann Dior - My Turn (Official visualizer) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/HseKJsd6n0U?si=OatKxebFckEV-P-L

Seabrook III, R. (2019, November 14). The break presents: Iann Dior [Image]. XXL Mag, Townsquare Media, Inc. Retrieved from https://www.xxlmag.com/iann-dior-interview-the-break/

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Iann Dior. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iann_Dior