No Help

[DISCLAIMER]

Photo credit, photographer: Eric Lee/The New York Times, fair use

Because I’m not personally responsible or accountable for having placed anyone into political office, as I don’t vote, I enjoyed observing the shitshow that took place online between President Donald Trump and the world’s richest man Elon Musk yesterday. Yes, I said that I enjoyed it.

The reason for this admittedly controversial take from a life coach and psychotherapist pertains to my daily practice of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). Thus, watching Trump and Musk behave poorly on a world stage afforded me an opportunity to hone my REBT skills.

This becomes an enjoyable experience for me when provided with real-world examples which provide me with experience for practicing tools of the ABC model and unconditional acceptance (UA). After all, it isn’t often that influential figures air their grievances in such a raw manner.

First, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and one Believes an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s one’s unfavorable assumption and not the occurrence itself that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as “self-disturbance.”

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of these unproductive assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Also, Actions and Consequences aren’t Disputed, as only unproductive Beliefs are challenged.

Second, REBT uses the technique of UA to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance. Noteworthy, I view the ABC model as an abortive tool and UA as preventative.

While watching Trump and Musk address one another’s behavior on various forums, I simultaneously observed the responses of people across the globe on a host of social media platforms. This experience provided me with much-needed preventative and abortive practice.

Contemplating the matter further, I was reminded of historic conflict between two Houston rappers whose music I’ve appreciated for years. Once part of hip hop group Guerilla Maab, rappers Trae Tha Truth and Z-Ro had a falling out of which the latter described as “war.”

However, when the rappers were performing together, they released a song called “No Help” which was featured on Trae’s 2006 album Restless. At the time, I knew nothing of REBT and I leaned heavily on that track when dealing with the dissolution of my marriage. The hook states:

I don’t need no help, my nigga, I can do bad on my own

And I don’t need no company, lil’ mama, stop ringing my cellular phone

When I be down and out, nobody wanna come and kick it

I’m a nobody until I can shine

So when my money is long, I don’t need nobody to visit

Leave me lonely like you did last time

Thinking about those lyrics in light of the Trump and Musk beef reminds me of The Notorious B.I.G.’s line “it’s the ones that smoke blunts with ya, see your picture, now they wanna grab they guns and come and get ya” from his song “Warning” on the lyricist’s 1994 album Ready to Die.

I’m no stranger to the experience of so-called friends serving as “no help” to me throughout life. As mentioned herein, I was once married. My wife was someone who I considered to have been my best friend at the time. Now, we’re divorced. That was a no-help outcome.

Prior to marrying her, many of the military police personnel with whom I served, a number of whom I considered to be close friends, turned their backs on me when I experienced significant legal issues associated with the woman I eventually married. Again, a no-help result.

Years after my divorce, I filed an Equal Employment Opportunity Commission complaint against my female supervisor who discriminated against me. Though I had ample evidence to prove my claim, testimony by someone I considered my friend sank my case. No help at all.

I could go on and on with anecdotal examples of unhelpful so-called friendships, though I think you get the point. Of course, I’m not current self-disturbed by unfavorable beliefs about no-help matters.

Besides, I’ve substantially trimmed my friendship circle to the degree whereby no-help people no longer exist in my personal life. Thus, I conceptualize this matter in a similar manner as Z-Ro stated on his song “I Hate U Bitch” from his 2004 album The Life of Joseph W. McVey:

Although I’m happy, I never pictured you not at all in my life

Solo, that’s how I kick it the rest of my days

But I wanna thank you for making possible some of the best of my days

I’ve dried my eyes now, and all they can see is the green

You wouldn’t have that jewelry, broke ass motherfucker, just let me see

Noteworthy, that’s another track I used to get through the unpleasantry of divorce. These days, thanks to rigorous stimulus control and daily practice of REBT, I remain unbothered by no-help scenarios. Therefore, I can enjoy watching meltdowns between people like Trump and Musk.

While I identify irrationality of these two individuals, as well as illogical and unreasonable responses from people across the globe regarding this matter, I sharpen my ABC model and UA tools accordingly. How about you?

When observing scenarios in which two powerful men behave poorly toward one another, as you likely understand that the United States isn’t being helped in this regard, do you upset yourself with unproductive beliefs? If so, I may be able to try to help you stop self-disturbing.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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