Peace of Mind From No Wrongdoing

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

The authors quote ancient Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca who stated, “The greatest portion of peace of mind is doing nothing wrong. Those who lack self-control live disoriented and disturbed lives” (page 151). Given this view, it’s worth differentiating between morals and ethics.

A moral is a person’s standard of behavior or belief concerning what is and isn’t acceptable for the individual and other people. Morals thus relate to what’s considered good, bad, right, wrong, or otherwise acceptable or unacceptable.

An ethic is a set of moral principles, especially those relating to or affirming a specified group, field, or form of conduct. Whereas morals relate to what is thought of as pleasing or displeasing behaviors and beliefs, ethics – based on morals – are the social rules by which we pledge to live.

With this understanding, my interpretation of Seneca’s proposition is that peace of mind from no wrongdoing remains in accordance with one’s level of self-control (restraint exercised over one’s own impulses, emotions, or desires). I find this to be true. Yet, this wasn’t always the case.

Thus, I don’t know that this is an accurate dictum for all people. Because I don’t agree with everything that anyone says, I reserve the right to think critically about what authors of The Daily Stoic have to say about their perception regarding Seneca’s pronouncement (page 151):

Consider the fugitives who willingly turn themselves in after years on the run. Why would they do that? They were free, one step ahead of the law, but they gave up! Because the guilt and the stress of the fugitive life eventually gets worse than the prospect of lost freedom—in fact, it was its own kind of prison.

It’s the same reason why, as a child, you might have confessed to a lie to completely unsuspecting parents. It’s the reason why one partner might voluntarily admit to a crushing infidelity—even though the other partner had no idea. “Why are you telling me this?!” the betrayed shouts as she walks out the door. “Because things have been going so well and I couldn’t take it anymore!”

I find it a curious matter that the authors assumed that the one apparently injured by beliefs about the “crushing infidelity” in an intimate partner relationship was a female. As one source claims, “the percentages of men and women who have cheated in a relationship are very similar.”

The myth of inherently virtuous femininity aside, I reject the inference concerning all fugitives being self-disturbingly gripped by “the guilt and stress of the fugitive life” to the point whereby they turn themselves in. That view isn’t consistent with my lived experience.

When further contemplating this matter, I’m reminded of a blogpost entitled Down Bad. In it, I discussed rapper Dan Diego’s song “Down Bad,” featuring K Camp, in which I stated:

In hip hop, being down bad is sometimes referred to as “the struggle,” which one source describes as “the difficulty and danger that is faced, every day, by those of lower socio-economic class living in areas such as housing projects and ghettos.” Do you know the struggle?

Aside from colloquial use of the phrase “the struggle,” to struggle is defined as the ability to proceed with difficulty or with great effort. Thus, being down bad or enduring the struggle doesn’t imply impossibility. Regarding this matter, K Camp states in his verse:

Single mama with two kids, I know that shit was hell

Seen some shit off in my lifetime, I will never tell

I know that struggle, motherfucker, and I know it well

I did some shit that really could’ve had me in that cell

I’m a rapper, I’m a dawg; you cannot tear me down

If you can’t float ‘round with them currents, nigga, you gon’ drown

K Camp discussing resilience which is inherent in the struggle, for those willing not to self-disturb with unhelpful beliefs about their circumstances. Merely being down bad in one moment of life doesn’t necessarily mean that one will remain confined to that situation.

In many cases from youth to early adulthood, I was down bad. Likewise, I maintained K Camp’s perspective, “Seen some shit off in my lifetime, I will never tell,” and, “I did some shit that really could’ve had me in that cell,” as I was indeed placed within detention cells more than once.

For the most part, there was no willing admission of guilt. Perhaps authors of The Daily Stoic would claim that I maintain a character flaw for not having given law enforcement the proverbial ammunition with which they would’ve shot me (i.e., a confession).

After all, many people turn soprano within interrogation rooms. However, I don’t identify with that standard of living. As such, if I did commit crimes at some point historically, I didn’t seek peace of mind from no wrongdoing by confessing my alleged morally and ethically bad deeds.

That’s my historic worldview. Currently, as I’ve turned my life around, I agree with Seneca’s proclamation about peace of mind from no wrongdoing. Doing what I can to satisfy my subjective interest and goal (i.e., staying out of a box and above ground), I try not to do wrong.

Why, then, did I mention my troubled past? Because, not all fugitives or people who commit crimes seek to right their wrongs. Sometimes, when one is down bad, keeping one’s mouth sealed tight is the only plausibly rational option. In any event, the authors conclude (page 151):

There are immense costs of doing wrong, not only to society, but to the perpetrator. Look at the lives of most people who reject ethics and discipline, and the chaos and misery that so often follows. This punishment is almost always as bad or worse than whatever society metes out.

This is why so many petty criminals confess or voluntarily surrender. They don’t always stick to it, but at the lowest moment, they finally realize: this is no way to live. They want the peace of mind that comes with doing right. And so do you.

I’ve known a relatively large amount of criminals in my lifetime. In fifth grade, I was introduced to gangbangers at school. In seventh grade, I was placed in a children’s home with residents who committed criminal acts I don’t think would be appropriate to highlight herein.

By ninth grade, I was transferred to an all-boys cottage within the children home. In that setting, I was placed with the most significant criminal offenders – even though my reason for placement in the home to begin with was due to financial insupportability.

When a family from the church congregation that sponsored the all-boys cottage took me into their home from my sophomore year to half of my senior year in high school, I was more comfortable seeking the company of drop-out gangbangers than with kids at my high school.

Not long after graduating high school, I joined the United States Marine Corps (USMC). There was a running joke that “USMC” stood for Uncle Sam’s Misguided Children, because Marines were virtually a pseudonym for individuals who exhibited delinquent behavior.

Even though I entered the Corps with a guaranteed contract for the field of military police, having also functioned as a Marine Security Guard when serving diplomatic posts abroad, I encountered many criminally-minded and -behaved individuals.

After earning bachelor’s degree in occupational education with a focus on justice administration, and then having attained a master’s degree in counseling, I worked with criminal offenders in a justice diversion program. Thus, it’s reasonable to say that I’ve known criminals in my lifetime.

I state my background, because I’m offering evidence to support my rejection of the inference that all people involved with the justice system say to themselves “this is no way to live,” as expressed by authors of The Daily Stoic. It’s an unjustified generalization to suggest this.

For instance, people with true psychopathy may have a thing or two to say about whether or not they’re burdened with “the guilt and the stress of the fugitive life.” Personally, there’s no ignorance regarding what it’s like from both sides of an interrogation table.

Perhaps rather than presuming the inferred conscious acceptance of guilt, similar to assuming scenarios supporting the myth of inherently virtuous femininity, people can instead recognize life as it simply is. Some, though not all, people will experience peace of mind from no wrongdoing.

Truly, this is how I currently approach the matter of rational living. Staying out of a box (i.e., an incarceration cell) and above ground (i.e., not buried, due to death) requires that I forego as much wrongdoing as possible in order to achieve peace of mind.

A notable prerequisite for attaining this interest and goal was severing ties with others who deliberately sought to conduct wrongdoing. A number of those individuals likely keep (if still alive) or kept (if departed) their lips sealed concerning the crimes they committed.

There was no urge to admit wrongdoing to achieve peace of mind for those people. Such is the reasoning of a child, or an adult who likely hasn’t been down bad. Now, I invite you to consider what it’ll take regarding your peace of mind. Will you achieve success from wrongdoing?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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