You Gotta Be Better Than the Ones Who Precede Ya

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

On his album Fear of God II: Let Us Pray (2011), lyricist Pusha T released the track “Alone in Vegas” which was produced by Nottz. On his second verse, the unusually talented emcee stated:

They’ll do everything in their power

Stomp near the stove when you’re rising like flour

Make your cake fall when you threatening their tower

It’s 9 1-1, you’re on your 25th hour

Hasta la vista, I’m steppin’ out the bleachers

How the tide turns when the pupil’s now the teacher

The game can’t grow by just followin’ the leaders

You gotta be better than the ones who precede ya, yuugh!

Upgrade them, upstage them

Change the whole body shape and just update them

The italicized portion of these thought-provoking lyrics represents a form of demandingness. Given what you’ve learned in this blogpost thus far, can you identify whether Pusha T used a flexible or inflexible form of a should, must, or ought-type of narrative? If not, allow me to help.

Suppose I told you that you recommendatorily should be better than the ones who precede you. You then choose to ignore my flexible recommendation. As a result, the ones who precede you eventually extend beyond your reach. Do you think I’d be self-disturbed by your failure? Nope.

If I were truly invested in your outcome, I may experience healthy and tolerable distress in the form of frustration, annoyance, or disappointment. However, I wouldn’t endure unhealthy and mis-perceivably intolerable disturbance in the form of rage, fury, or devastation.

Thus, Pusha T utilized a flexible demanding derivative. Of course, I suspect that if he held a gun to your head and inflexibly demanded that you absolutely must be better than the ones who precede you, then this perfectionist demand, although unlikely, wouldn’t be healthy.

Presuming you understand the finer point of demandingness outlined herein, I encourage you to pay close attention to the scripts you and others often use. Are these demands flexible or inflexible? Once you comprehend how these beliefs function, then you can un-disturb yourself.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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