No Monsters

[DISCLAIMER]

Do you remember fearing monsters as a child? Addressing this concern, one hip hop song comes to mind. Featured on the 2021 album Blacklight, by lyricist Stalley and producer Apollo Brown, is the track “No Monsters”. The song opens with a chorus that states:

They don’t understand the hunger, where it comes from

I was no ordinary kid in pajamas

Shoeboxes under the bed with the monsters

So I ain’t gotta be scared of no monsters [x3]

The sort of monsters a child may typically fear aren’t necessarily the type Stalley references. Regarding the usual fear of grotesque monsters, howling demons, cackling witches, and other products of magical thinking, one source states:

While these sleep-destroying worries can seem irrational [not in accordance with both logical and reasonable thinking], as a psychotherapist I believe most often they represent a healthy way for a child to express his or her dawning awareness that the world can be a dangerous place. Can you imagine the perils for a child lacking fear?

When teaching psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I invite people to consider the difference between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Both of these outcomes can relate to fear, which the American Psychological Association defines as:

[A] basic, intense emotion aroused by the detection of imminent threat, involving an immediate alarm reaction that mobilizes the organism by triggering a set of physiological changes.

These include rapid heartbeat, redirection of blood flow away from the periphery toward the gut, tensing of the muscles, and a general mobilization of the organism to take action (see fear response; [fight-or-flight response]).

Fear differs from anxiety in that the former is considered an appropriate short-term response to a present, clearly identifiable threat, whereas the latter is a future-oriented, long-term response focused on a diffuse threat.

When teaching my approach to REBT, I encourage people to understand that fear relates to a readily identifiable stimulus (e.g., that spider on the wall), as anxiety concerns an abstract stimulus (e.g., what if people stare at me when I’m at the party). Both outcomes are unpleasant.

Still, a childhood fear of monsters isn’t inherently unhealthy. As mentioned by the previous source, a young mind demonstrates the ability to conceptualize danger when imagining the product of magical thinking. With this understanding, consider Stalley’s first verse:

Shoeboxes filled with money and a strap

Had dreams of being a dope boy way before I started rap

We was locked in, nowhere to go, before they called it a trap

And niggas pushed the Cadillac like it was a Maybach

They throwing dice at the curb, everybody shooting a stack

Niggas balling like Meech, everybody livin’ off pack

Ghetto habitat, we was birthed in it

Most say we unfortunate, but we lit it up

Matter of fact, we put the torch to it

Made a killing, turned minimum wage to millions

That poverty hole ain’t nothing when you got feeling civilians

I learned early how to turn nothing to something

Beat corruption, keep your grip tight, and keep busting

That’s rules of the land, get your tribe rich is always the plan

Don’t let the white man stop you

That’s always a scam

Don’t ever let them put you down or put no fear in your heart

Stay ten toes and solid; don’t let them tear you apart

Apparently, Stalley becomes the proverbial monster that others fear. Describing shoeboxes filled with money and a firearm kept under his bed, the lyricist had little fear regarding the product of magical thinking. Rather, he committed to making money through questionable means.

Contemplating these lyrics, I think of how people often label others who they fear as “monsters” (beings of unnatural or extreme ugliness, deformity, wickedness, or cruelty). For instance, people may perceive the drug-dealing person described by Stalley as a monstrous being. He is not!

Regarding this matter, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and one Believes an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s one’s unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence.

As an example, person X hears “No Monsters” (Action) and Believes, “The terrible person described by Stalley is monstrous and shouldn’t exist in polite society, because I couldn’t stand encountering such an individual!” With this outlook, person X becomes fearful (Consequence).

Remember, proper practice of REBT relates to understanding the distinction between healthy distress (e.g., fear and avoidance) and unhealthy disturbance (e.g., terror and soiling oneself). For the sake of this example, suppose person X upsets oneself and experiences the former.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Just as the earlier source posited that a childhood fear of monsters may “represent a healthy way for a child to express his or her dawning awareness that the world can be a dangerous place,” I argue that it’s not necessarily unhealthy to fear the individual described on “No Monsters”.

Therefore, distressed fear and avoidance exhibited by one who comprehends that a “dope boy” may harm other people is both logical and reasonable (i.e., rational). Nevertheless, this sort of drug dealer isn’t a monster – even of proverbial proportions. There are no monsters!

Regarding this proposition, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Concerning a UA outlook, person X can acknowledge one’s own fallibility (USA) and the flaws of other people (UOA). Likewise, person X can recognize that life itself is imperfect (ULA). Still, this is merely the starting point of UA.

Person X could also admit that the only control one has is over one’s own reaction to drug dealers (USA). As well, while it’s unlikely that person X can influence a “dope boy” to stop living violently (UOA), it’s also highly unlikely that one will ever live in a safe world (ULA).

Ultimately, there are no monsters – be it in child- or adulthood. A “dope boy” is merely a flawed individual who tends to behave poorly. Because it’s improbable that you or I will be able to change such a person without the individual’s consent, we can instead control our own reactions.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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