Pleasure Isn't Synonymous With Virtue

[DISCLAIMER]

While attending festivities for the United States Marine Corps Birthday when stationed in Okinawa, Japan (1997-1999), I was given the option between prime rib and chicken as a main dish. Unfamiliar with the former, I chose it, because my friends told me about how good it was.

Turns out, I don’t like prime rib… not even the visual display with all the fat adorning the cut of meat. For context, when residing in a children’s home in my adolescence, I was served roast (also called rib roast) every Sunday at one cottage in which I lived. I detested the fat content!

Apparently, prime rib and roast are the same cuts of meat. Thus, I didn’t experience pleasure, which the American Psychological Association (APA) defines as “the emotion or sensation induced by the enjoyment or anticipation of what is felt or viewed as good or desirable.”

Because of my ignorance (lack of knowledge, education, or awareness), I believed that prime rib was synonymous (alike in meaning or significance) with roast. However, my perception was wrong! Thinking back to that well-earned lesson in distinction, I’m now reminded of a book.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

Even though I didn’t care for prime rib when participating in Marine Corps celebrations, I have little doubt that my Marine friends genuinely experienced pleasure with the fatty cut of meat. Of this matter, ancient Stoic philosopher and Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius stated (page 307):

Yes, getting your wish would have been so nice. But isn’t that exactly why pleasure trips us up? Instead, see if these things might be even nicer—a great soul, freedom, honesty, kindness, saintliness. For there is nothing so pleasing as wisdom itself, when you consider how surefooted and effortless the works of understanding and knowledge are.

When the slab of prime rib was placed in front of me in Okinawa, I wished that I had instead ordered chicken. I was familiar with yard bird (slang term for chicken), and I liked it. Yet, I was also familiar with roast, and I didn’t like it. Thus, I didn’t experience pleasure with the latter.

Ultimately, it was nice to practice virtue, which the APA defines as “a quality or characteristic that has positive connotations in a particular society and that is considered beneficial to psychological health,” and, “moral goodness.” Specifically, I gained knowledge about beef.

Whereas I didn’t know the difference between prime rib and rib roast prior to celebrating the Marine Corps Birthday in Okinawa, I’ve never forgotten the lesson I learned since then. Regarding this perspective, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 307):

Nobody can argue that pleasure doesn’t feel good. That’s pretty much what it does by definition. But today Marcus Aurelius is reminding you—just as he reminded himself—that those pleasures hardly stand up to virtue.

The dopamine rush that comes from sex is momentary. So is the pride of an accomplishment or the hearty applause of a crowd. These pleasures are powerful, but they wear off and leave us wanting more. What lasts longer (and remains more within our circle of control)? Wisdom, good character, sobriety, and kindness.

Pleasure isn’t synonymous with virtue. Still, these terms aren’t mutually exclusive (being related such that each excludes or precludes the other). One can experience pleasure when eating prime rib while also maintaining knowledge about the complex systems which contributed to the meat.

One can also endure healthy distress (e.g., disappointment) from preferential beliefs about not having received that for which one wishes while simultaneously gaining knowledge, as to never again order fatty prime rib. Now, I invite you to consider this personal anecdote about virtue.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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