Courage: Tell It Like It Is - Or Risk the Character Flaw of Cowardice

[DISCLAIMER]

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

Reportedly one of the four Stoic virtues, the American Psychological Association (APA) defines courage as “the ability to meet a difficult challenge despite the physical, psychological, or moral risks involved in doing so.” Expanding upon this description, one source states:

According to Professor Daniel Putman, “courage involves deliberate choice in the face of painful or fearful circumstances for the sake of a worthy goal”. With this realization, Putman concludes that “there is a close connection between fear and confidence”.

Fear and confidence in relation to courage can determine the success of a courageous act or goal. They can be seen as independent variables in courage, and their relationship can affect how we respond to fear. The confidence that is being discussed here is self-confidence; confidence in knowing one’s skills and abilities and being able to determine when to fight fear or when to flee it.

Putman states that: “The ideal in courage is not just a rigid control of fear, nor is it a denial of the emotion. The ideal is to judge a situation, accept the emotion as part of human nature and, we hope, use well-developed habits to confront the fear and allow reason to guide our behavior toward a worthwhile goal.

Using this helpful description, I invite you to imagine me coaching a professional (“pro”) women’s volleyball team. I’m not a woman and aside from insignificant games (e.g., physical education class competition), I’ve not engaged in any serious volleyball activities. I’m not a pro.

Although you may support my supposed right to try coaching a pro women’s volleyball team, how likely is it that I—not knowing the first thing about the sport, from a pro’s viewpoint—will be successful when engaging in competition against other teams? It’s highly unlikely!

Now, suppose that someone comes along and courageously challenges my unproductive behavior. “Deric,” the person says, “what warrants your attempt at coaching a pro women’s volleyball team when you have no lived experience in this regard—not even any knowledge?”

This dispute to my coaching ability, using an empirical and analytical approach, is rational (in accord with both logic and reason). Thus, the challenger to my irrational behavior is one who tells it like it is (to say what the facts are: to speak about unpleasant things in an honest way).

Further contemplating this matter, I’m reminded of the song “Tell It Like It Is” (1966) by Aaron Neville, on which he states, “Tell it like it is. Don’t be ashamed, let your conscience be your guide But I know deep down inside of me, I believe you love me. Forget your foolish pride.”

Personally, it isn’t courageous not to speak truth (the body of real things, events, and facts), as Neville encouraged the individual he loved not to tend toward cowardice. The same notion is applicable to me coaching a volleyball team. Regarding this concept, one source states:

Cowardice is a characteristic wherein excessive fear prevents an individual from taking a risk or facing danger. It is the opposite of courage. As a label, “cowardice” indicates a failure of character in the face of a challenge. One who succumbs to cowardice is known as a coward.

As the opposite of bravery [the quality or state of having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty: the quality or state of being brave: courage], which many historical and current human societies reward, cowardice is seen as a character flaw that is detrimental to society and thus the failure to face one’s fear is often stigmatized or punished.

For context, the APA defines character as “the totality of an individual’s attributes and personality traits, particularly their characteristic moral, social, and religious attitudes. Character is often used synonymously with personality.” Additionally, another source states:

In the creation and criticism of fictional works, a character flaw or heroic flaw is a bias, limitation, imperfection, problem, personality disorder, vice, phobia, prejudice, or deficiency present in a character who may be otherwise very functional.

The flaw can be a problem that directly affects the character’s actions and abilities, such as a violent temper. Alternatively, it can be a simple foible or personality defect, which affects the character’s motives and social interactions, but little else.

Subjectively, it would be a character flaw for me to cowardly react in negative fashion if challenged on my attempt to coach a pro women’s volleyball team by someone who tells it like it is. With this framing in mind, authors of The Daily Stoic quote Seneca who stated (page 301):

But the wise person can lose nothing. Such a person has everything stored up for themselves, leaving nothing to Fortune, their own goods are held firm, bound in virtue, which requires nothing from chance, and therefore can’t be either increased or diminished.

The more I learn about Stoicism—and I am still learning, the more convinced I become that much of this philosophy is aspirational (of, relating to, or characterized by aspiration—a strong desire to achieve something high or great), not pragmatic (practical as opposed to idealistic).

How courageous is it not to tell it like it is (i.e., practical), though how it aspirationally—and perhaps irrationally or unrealistically—could be (i.e., idealistic)? Keeping this frame in mind, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 301):

Some people put their money in assets—stocks, bonds, property. Others invest in relationships or accomplishments, knowing that they can draw on these things just as easily as others can draw funds from a bank account. But a third type, Seneca says, invests in themselves—in being a good and wise person.

Which of these assets is most immune to market fluctuations and disasters? Which is most resilient in the face of trials and tribulations? Which will never abandon you? Seneca’s own life is an interesting example.

He became quite wealthy as a friend of the emperor, but as Nero became more and more deranged, Seneca realized he needed to get out. He offered Nero a deal: he would give Nero all his money and return all of Nero’s gifts in exchange for complete and total freedom.

Before I continue the authors’ account of Seneca’s life, it’s worth noting that I stated in Being a Good Person: You Cannot Perfect the Imperfectible:

With my approach to REBT, I reject globally-evaluative terms such as “good” or “bad” when referring to oneself. This is because I practice unconditional acceptance. Using this REBT tool, I recognize that people are merely fallible human beings by our nature, not “good” or “bad.”

This is a practice missed by people who seek to make perfect (being entirely without fault or defect) that which is imperfectible (incapable of being made perfect). […] I stated in a blogpost entitled Good Man:

When examining what it takes to be a good man I find value in using a [REBT] perspective. In particular, I use unconditional self-acceptance.

In this regard, I don’t place a condition on myself as to whether or not I should, must, or ought to be a good man. Setting up the stipulation that I will only accept myself when dependent upon some arbitrary criteria could otherwise lead to self-disturbance.

Instead, I maintain that I’m a fallible human being who’s made many mistakes in the past, I currently have flaws, and I’ll continue being imperfect in the future. If one is to deem me morally, ethically, or philosophically unworthy of praise, I accept that.

Moreover, I don’t seek validation from others. If a person chooses to say I’m a good man, fine. If not, also fine.

As well, I use this perspective when practicing rational compassion with others. Additionally, I don’t concern myself with matters outside of my control.

Given this arguably healthy outlook, I argue that it doesn’t matter whether or not one is considered to be a “good person.”

Apparent fixation on being “good” by ancient and modern Stoics is something with which I fundamentally disagree. Still, for the sake of argument, let’s suppose that I agree with their moralistic nonsense. Let’s look at what I may believe about the authors stating (page 301):

Ultimately, Nero rejected this offer, but Seneca left anyway, retiring in relative peace. But one day, the executioners came with their mortal decree. In that moment, what did Seneca rely on?

It wasn’t his money. It wasn’t his friends, who, although they meant well, were a considerable source of grief and mourning. It was his virtue and inner strength. It was Seneca’s most trying moment—his last and his finest.

If I believed Stoic idealistic nonsense about “being a good” person, per authors of The Daily Stoic, then I would deem it cowardly of the authors to merely mention a “mortal decree” and Seneca’s “last and his finest” moment without expounding upon truth. According to one source:

Despite Seneca’s efforts to help Nero develop a good character, the project was a total failure. Nero had no interest in philosophy or ethics. As Nero grew older, he was only interested in self-gratification and power at the expense of others, which turned him into a tyrant and a monster.

In the end, Nero had many who surrounded him killed, including Nero’s own mother, his brother, and then his wife (who he found to be boring, compared to his mistress). Nero finally had Seneca killed too, when Seneca was sixty-nine, not to mention many others, including Seneca’s two brothers and his nephew.

But despite these serious hurdles, which would psychologically destroy many people today, Seneca’s Stoic philosophy helped him to endure these hardships and to transform these adversities into something positive.

Even when Nero forced Seneca to commit suicide as an old man — which was far preferable to the alternate forms of execution available — Seneca used the occasion of his own death to give a final talk about philosophy to several friends who were present, just like Socrates did when he was forced to drink the hemlock poison.

Like a good Stoic, Seneca had prepared himself for death over the course of many years, as part of his philosophical practice and training, and didn’t show a single trace of worry or concern when surrendering his life.

I appreciate that Seneca was apparently able to show courage when facing an ostensibly forced suicide by decree of Nero—a fallible human being, though not a “monster.” Why then wouldn’t authors of The Daily Stoic tell it like it is, rather than providing preachy idealistic rhetoric?

Personally, the character flaw of cowardice manifests when neglecting to tell one’s audience, “You’re going to die one day, perhaps by your own hand, or at the order of a tyrannical ruler.” This would at least be the courageous exploration of pragmatic possibilities—telling it like it is.

In this vein, thinking of Neville’s song, I now reflect upon one of my favorite hip hop duos, M.O.P. (lyricists Billy Danze and Lil Fame). On their album Presents the Marxmen: Marxmen Cinema (2004) is the track “Here Today Gone Tomorrow”, sampling Neville’s vocals.

The hook states, “Damn, I was just wit’ him! Somebody hit ‘em (Gone tomorrow). Look how them coppertops did ‘em! He gone (Here today, gone tomorrow) (uh). Flat line!” From my view, it’s a matter of courage to tell it like it is, not risking the character flaw of cowardice.

Apparently, some Stoics would rather advocate idealistic nonsense than address pragmatic outcomes in this regard. They, too, will be here today, gone tomorrow—metaphorically speaking. Ain’t that a shame? Oh well, goodbye! While I’m here, I’ll speak pragmatic truth.

Yet, I won’t be coaching a pro women’s volleyball team. I know nothing about such endeavors. One wonders if the same rationale could apply to those Stoics who ostensibly abandon truth in favor of feel-good and idealistic nonsense which doesn’t encapsulate what it is to be human.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, artist: Jacques-Louis David, fair use

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Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought

Hollings, D. (2025, December 24). Some people advocate walking. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/some-people-advocate-walking

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Stoicism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stoicism

Hollings, D. (2025, October 27). Suicide and suicide attempts: Jumping out the window. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/suicide-and-suicide-attempts-jumping-out-the-window

Hollings, D. (2025, October 22). The construct. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-construct

Hollings, D. (2026, April 6). The problem-solution dialectic: A wicked problem. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-problem-solution-dialectic-a-wicked-problem

Hollings, D. (2025, November 9). The true measure of wisdom. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-true-measure-of-wisdom

Hollings, D. (2025, April 15). This cake smells unpleasant. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/this-cake-smells-unpleasant

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux

Hollings, D. (2023, February 25). Unconditional other-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-other-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, November 23). Validation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/validation

Hollings, D. (2025, March 11). We live in an imperfect world. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/we-live-in-an-imperfect-world

Hollings, D. (2026, February 12). When are beliefs rational or healthy? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/when-are-beliefs-rational-or-healthy

Hollings, D. (2023, July 7). When idealism doesn’t stack up to realism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/when-idealism-doesn-t-stack-up-to-realism

Hollings, D. (2026, March 22). Worry: Would It Help? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/worry-would-it-help

Hollings, D. (2026, May 8). You cannot vote your way out of oppression or comply your way out of tyranny. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-cannot-cote-your-way-out-of-oppression-or-comply-your-way-out-of-tyranny

Hollings, D. (2023, September 22). You’re gonna die someday. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-re-gonna-die-someday

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