A Lifetime of Sobriety

[DISCLAIMER]

The above photo was taken during my military police (MP) training in the United States (U.S.) Marine Corps (1997). For context, I stated in a blogpost entitled It Isn’t Manly to Be Enraged:

During my military enlistment (1996-2007), Marines prided ourselves for doing three things rather well: fighting, fucking, and drinking. Practicing lifelong sobriety, minus a handful of times during my youth in which I tasted alcohol, I wasn’t an egotist in regard to drinking.

Sporting t-shirts and a sweatshirt which I designed, fellow MPs and I posed with slender beer bottles made of plastic, similar to yard of ale containers, to signify our MP class 05-97’s (“class 5”) association with alcohol. Here, further context may be useful.

The Marines of class 5 frequented bars and clubs in Anniston, Alabama, as we were stationed aboard Fort McClellan. On some nights, members of our class participated in karaoke, dancing, and other peaceful activities. However, on other nights, we fought and all around raised Hell.

After several incidents during which members of our class allegedly physically assaulted and battered U.S. Army officers, football players from the University of South Alabama in Mobile, Alabama, and other people, we were prohibited from visiting many off-base establishments.

Thereafter, members of class 5 were incrementally barred from attending any facility or area at which alcohol was sold. This included the Fort McClellan golf course and bowling alley! We were a rowdy bunch who was restricted to barracks parties for alcohol-fueled social engagement.

Because I frequently visited a high school-era friend who at the time attended the University of Tennessee in Knoxville, Tennessee, I wasn’t present for a number of the violent events associated with class 5. This included the final proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

While in Knoxville, many members of class 5 apparently joined with other MP classes and threw an alcohol-fueled orgy during which female MP trainees were allegedly on the receiving end of sexual penetration with PR-24 batons. I was fortunate to have missed that unruly event!

In retrospect, the future law-enforcers with whom I trained were scarcely different than the gangbangers I befriended from fifth grade through high school. The main distinction was who wore a badge and who didn’t. This was the case for the entire time of my service as an MP.

Yet, I digress. I stated in a post entitled What Qualifies Me to Provide Mental Health Services?, “Admittedly, I tasted wine, beer, and whiskey in childhood. Also, I once took a puff of a cigarette and once sampled chewing tobacco as a kid. Aside from that, I’ve not used substances.”

Essentially, I have a substance no-use/abuse history for a lifetime (the duration of the existence of a living being) which has been life-long (lasting or continuing through life). Aside from the limited exposure to substances mentioned above, I’ve maintained sobriety.

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines sobriety as a state in which one abstains from drinking or taking drugs for a period of time; that is, abstinence. Perhaps one may argue that because I sampled alcohol and tobacco products as a kid, I can’t claim a lifetime of sobriety.

I disagree. Also of note, the APA defines abstinence as the act of refraining from the use of something, particularly alcohol or drugs, or from participation in sexual or other activity. In most instances, abstinence from drugs or alcohol is the primary goal of substance abuse treatment.

Further, the APA defines substance abuse as a pattern of compulsive substance use marked by recurrent significant social, occupational, legal, or interpersonal adverse consequences, with nine associated drug classes: alcohol, amphetamines, cannabis, cocaine, hallucinogens, inhalants, opioids, phencyclidines, and sedatives, hypnotics, or anxiolytics.

Although I can’t technically claim that I’ve never ingested any alcohol, I maintain that the handful of times from birth until fifth grade, during which I sampled substances, remains in accordance with a lifetime of sobriety. Truly, I’ve never had a buzz, been drunk, or gotten high.

At this point in the blogpost, you may be wondering why I’d pose for a photo with other members of class 5, as we held beer containers. Featured in the photo with me was another MP trainee who was a Mormon (member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints).

He apparently had less substance use history that I, yet he also posed with a beer container.While I can’t speak to his intentions, I posed for the photo as an act of solidarity (unity, as of a group or class, that produces or is based on community of interests, objectives, and standards).

Understandably, people have inquired as to why I practice Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) with people seeking services for mental, emotional, and behavioral health in regard to substance use, abuse, or dependence when I’ve never experienced similar challenges in my life.

I argue that it isn’t as though I should, must, or ought to share so-called “lived experience” with any of my clients in order to address their wants or needs. This is as accurate for clients who are registered sex offenders as it is for those with substance issues, and every problem in between.

All the same, it isn’t as though I have zero experience regarding alcohol and drugs. For instance, I know what it’s like to live with people who are addicted to substances. On both maternal and paternal sides of my family, substance use, abuse, and dependence is reflected.

As well, because I was the single sober teen in my friend group during high school, having been given the nickname “2-Nice” partially for this reason, I did a fair share of babysitting people who were too drunk or high to properly function. This was also the case during my days of raving.

Additionally, when asked about my experience in the U.S. military, I generally tell people, “I basically apprehended and babysat drunken Marines.” Therefore, though I maintain a lifetime of sobriety, it isn’t as though I have no experience regarding alcohol and drugs.

In any event, one medium upon which I rely to keep me informed about the ever-changing social aspects of those who reject sobriety is from hip hop music. For example, on the 2012 mixtape DJ Burn One Presents Rittz – White Jesus: Revival, lyricist Rittz dropped the song “Wishin”.

The track on DJ Burn One’s album, produced by Count Justice, features a sample from English indie rock band The xx’s song “Fantasy”, regarding the band’s debut studio album xx. Rittz’s lyrics include:

[Verse 1]

I wish that I could write

I wish I didn’t drink

Have to do drugs just to concentrate and think

I wish that I could sleep, I never get a wink

Gotta work a double, when I finish, I’mma stink

And my feet keep throbbin’

I wish that I could rest

Wish I woulda finished school, I never shoulda quit

Wish I didn’t blame it on my parents

Disappearance of my father, traumatizin’, wish he never woulda left

That excuse is getting old

So is doing drugs

Reefer got me paranoid, so is doing bumps

But I still got a dollar bill to my nose snorting clear off a mirror

Man, I wish I had a gun

But once again, I bluff, ‘cause I really wanna live

I just wanna hug and a kid from my girl, but she left

And my bed feels empty when I’m in it

Ain’t a minute passin’ by that I don’t wonder where she is

More than a couple of my friends done drifted

Far from each other, homie, I just wish that

We could travel back in time and just relive it for a minute

When did we become so distant?

It’s been sunny outside, and I’m high, and wishin’ it’d rain

When I’m visitn’ memory lane

And I’m wishin’ this whiskey will whisk me away in the daylight

[Hook]

Wishin’ while I’m walkin’ on this lonely road

And I’m wishin’ you were by my side

Through the perspective of REBT, I understand how the individual described in “Wishin”, presumably Rittz, self-disturbs with irrational beliefs which results in ruminating thoughts (cognitive), sorrow (emotion), pain (sensation), and the use or abuse of drugs (behavioral).

Allow me to explain self-disturbance. First, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and one Believes an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s one’s unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence.

As an example, the person in “Wishin” works extra shifts (Action) and unhelpfully Believes, “Wish I woulda finished school, I never shoulda quit.” Upon doing so, he then experiences ruminating thoughts, sorrow, pain in his feet, and he uses or abuses substances (Consequences).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

The process of challenging personal philosophies of life can take longer than I care to demonstrate herein. Thus, in the interest of time, imagine that after a period of rigorous Disputation the individual in the song eventually uses the following Effective new belief:

“Wishin’ for something to happen is merely a description, which is fine. Yet, I admittedly require things to be different, as this is an unhelpful prescription. Instead of commanding in this way, I can instead tolerate this unpleasant experience while seeking to improve my situation.”

Secondly, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

For instance, the individual in “Wishin” could admit that he’s merely a fallible human being with limited control and influence in life (USA). As well, he could acknowledge that his former love interest is also flawed and has chosen to leave behind the intimate partner relationship (UOA).

Additionally, the person in “Wishin” could accept the impermanent and uncertain aspects of life while admitting that even life itself is an imperfect experience (ULA). He could then seek to improve his situation by considering the possibility of sobriety or abstinence from substances.

While I understand that not everyone has enjoyed a lifetime of sobriety, I work with people who – similar to the individual in “Wishin” – experience significant and unnecessary challenges to their lives by unhelpfully self-disturbing into substance use, abuse, or dependence.

Such outcomes didn’t serve well the MPs of class 05-97, the person illustrated in “Wishin”, or the clients with whom I work. I suspect the same is true of you, if you’ve made it this far in the blogpost. If so, you don’t have to keep wishin’ for a change. REBT may be just what you need!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

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