Respect Game or Expect Flames

[DISCLAIMER]

Yesterday, I posted a blog entry entitled Preferences vs. Expectations in which I illustrated the process of self-disturbance, using the ABC model of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), that occurs when inflexible demands are used in place of flexible preferences.

This morning, while conducting physical training, I heard the track “Upper Echelon” by lyricist Casual (of classic hip hop collective Hieroglyphics) that was produced by J. Rawls on the duo’s collaborative album Respect Game or Expect Flames (2012).

On the track, Casual warns people to “respect game or expect flames,” repeating the namesake of the album. To “respect game” generally alludes to acknowledging or abiding by expectations (a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future) of a specified situation.

Describing “flames” is a little more difficult to do. For instance, one source states, “A flame is noun associated with the action of flaming, what people do when they express a strongly held opinion without holding back any emotion.” As an example, online arguments can be inflamed.

Aside from verbal or textual confrontation, flames or flaming can relate to physical hostility. For instance, growing up, people with whom I associated referred to flames as relating to a muzzle flash (the visible light or glow emitted from the end of a firearm barrel when a round is fired).

In my youth, rare acts of physical hostility resulted in firearms being used. In any case, one remains uncertain about which form of “flames” it is to which Casual refers. For the sake of this blogpost, an ABC model example used for the most severe circumstance will be utilized.

Before proceeding, understand that REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and one Believes an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s one’s unfavorable assumption and not the occurrence itself that causes unpleasant Consequences.

As an example, suppose that person X has an inflexible expectation for others to respect game, though person Y disagrees with the demand. In this scenario, person Y says to person X, “Fuck your expectations, because I’ll do what I damn well please” (Action).

Hearing the intentionally disrespectful statement, person X then unfavorably Believes, “Person Y better respect game or he can expect flames, because I can’t stand to be disrespected!” With this unhelpful attitude, person X experiences unhealthy anger and shoots person Y (Consequence).

A “respect game or expect flames” approach to living is irrational, as it establishes a false binary whereby people must not show disrespect or else they’ll suffer senseless consequences. These are “senseless” outcomes, because that which is irrational isn’t logical or reasonable.

Rather than flaming people online or spitting flames at individuals from a barrel of a gun, I advocate rational living. Nobody must respect game, as you aren’t entitled to reverence from other people. Rather than preparing people to expect flames, how about changing your beliefs?

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Thus, you take personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) for your reactions to disrespect.

In closing, I think of the gun safety rules I was once taught. Each and every time that I’ve been on a gun range, I’ve been personally responsible and accountable for these safety obligations which are established for all people using the range (not merely inflexible expectations in one’s own head).

Treat every firearm as if it were loaded. Never point a firearm at anything you don’t intend to destroy. Keep the firearm pointed in a safe direction until you’re ready to shoot. Keep your finger straight and off the trigger until you’re ready to shoot. Always be sure of your target and what’s behind it.

Just as I was responsible (obligated) and accountable (required or expected to justify actions) for my behavior on a shooting range, each and every one of us can take personally ownership for how we react to disrespect. Thus, no one has to expect flames when we live in a rational manner.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

Anataka. (2007, December 08). Flame. Urban Dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=flame

Hollings, D. (2024, November 15). Assumptions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/assumptions

Hollings, D. (2022, August 28). Change ur beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/change-ur-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Feeling better vs. getting better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/feeling-better-vs-getting-better-1

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2023, January 8). Logic and reason. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/logic-and-reason

Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance

Hollings, D. (2024, September 27). My attitude. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-attitude

Hollings, D. (2024, July 7). Non-dogmatic preferences. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/non-dogmatic-preferences

Hollings, D. (2022, November 7). Personal ownership. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-ownership

Hollings, D. (2025, April 25). Preferences vs. expectations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/preferences-vs-expectations

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, May 15). Rational living. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-living

Hollings, D. (2024, March 14). REBT and emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-and-emotions

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2022, November 14). Touching a false dichotomy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/touching-a-false-dichotomy

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

Hollings, D. (2024, March 18). Unhealthy vs. healthy negative emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhealthy-vs-healthy-negative-emotions

IndieHipHop1. (2012, October 16). Casual - Upper Echelon (Produced by J. Rawls) [Video]. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/zp0SycImH3E?si=-0eX6cw-oqnq-4wy

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Casual (rapper). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casual_(rapper)

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Hieroglyphics (group). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hieroglyphics_(group)

Wikipedia. (n.d.). J. Rawls. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J._Rawls

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Respect Game or Expect Flames. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Respect_Game_or_Expect_Flames