While practicing rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT), I realize that when introducing clients to the ABC model there tends to be some confusion about how the process of challenging beliefs is supposed to unfold. For the sake of understanding, perhaps context is needed.
REBT theory maintains that when an unexpected Activating event occurs and a person uses an irrational Belief about the situation, it’s one’s unhelpful attitude and not the undesirable circumstance that causes unpleasant emotional, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
Rather than remaining self-disturbed, an individual is invited to try Disputation which may lead to an Effective new belief that’s used in place of an unproductive self-narrative. With the ABC model, a person learns to stop needless suffering which is caused by unhelpful assumptions.
Disputation of unfavorable beliefs isn’t an entirely delightful process. In fact, it can be downright uncomfortable. After all, it isn’t necessarily easy, joyous, or pleasurable to take personal responsibility and accountability for one’s own unhelpful reactions to activating events.
Rather than personal ownership for the beliefs one uses, it’s far less difficult to blame other elements of life for one’s own problems. For example, your marital partner suggests divorce and you unfavorably believe, “What a narcissist! I shouldn’t have married someone like this!”
Although your self-disturbing belief does little (if anything) to address the issue at hand, you may feel better (emotional or bodily sensation) when convincing yourself of such nonsense. This experience of relief is known as catharsis.
More unhelpful still, there are psychotherapists who remain ready to swoop in and validate your irrational beliefs, and keep you in an extended state of self-delusion. Such mental, emotional, and behavioral health practitioners make a decent living on perpetuating victimhood narratives.
However, unlike many other psychotherapeutic modalities, REBT isn’t focused on helping people to feel better. Rather REBT practitioners aim to help people actually get better! This process is inherently tough. As such, the “D” in the ABC model doesn’t stand for “delightful.”
In the book Creative Marriage, the authors eloquently describe the process of disputation in regard to one self-disturbed client. One of the text’s authors suggests, “I then kept analyzing, attacking, ridiculing, and challenging these beliefs” (page 106).
Noteworthy, Activating events and Consequences aren’t Disputed, as only unproductive Beliefs are analyzed, attacked, ridiculed, and challenged (Disputed). Therefore, the “D” doesn’t stand for Delightful.
Perhaps you’re new to the self-help model of REBT and unproductively believe, “That sounds hard and uncomfortable! Therapy shouldn’t be tough, because I couldn’t stand to be challenged by another person.” If this sounds like you, I invite you to stop self-disturbing.
First, who’s to say that psychotherapy should be easy, joyous, or pleasurable? Can you think of a single experience in life, that was truly purposeful and meaningful, to which you didn’t apply some degree of challenging effort while experiencing some level of discomfort?
Or are you one of those rare individuals to whom everything was handed on a silver platter? Do things just magically go your way and without any discomfort at all? Perhaps you can Disabuse yourself of the Disturbing Demand for Delightfulness in therapy. Disputation is tough work.
Second, when saying to yourself that you can’t stand something, you’re essentially convincing yourself that this matter is literally intolerable and unacceptable – that you have absolutely no ability to endure the experience. Does that sound like you? Are you completely helpless?
Even without knowing you, I suspect that you have higher frustration tolerance than that. Besides, bear in mind that when disputing your beliefs it isn’t as though you are being challenged. You aren’t your beliefs! Therefore, I suspect that you can stand disputation.
Even if your marital partner suggests Divorce, you can endure the Discomforting process of Disputation without unhelpfully Demanding that therapy must be Delightful. This way, you can tolerate a perceivably Devastating experience by realizing that it’s merely a Disappointing event.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Ellis, A. and Harper, R. A. (1961). Creative Marriage. The Institute For Rational Living, Inc. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/creative-marriage-e184052310.html
Hollings, D. (2024, October 18). ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/abc-model
Hollings, D. (2024, November 15). Assumptions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/assumptions
Hollings, D. (2024, June 2). Blame. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/blame
Hollings, D. (2024, November 10). Catharsis. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/catharsis
Hollings, D. (2024, March 19). Consequences. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/consequences
Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation
Hollings, D. (2024, January 7). Delusion. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/delusion
Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (2024, February 24). High frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/high-frustration-tolerance
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
Hollings, D. (2023, May 18). Irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/irrational-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance
Hollings, D. (2022, June 23). Meaningful purpose. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/meaningful-purpose
Hollings, D. (2024, March 4). Mental, emotional, and behavioral health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/mental-emotional-and-behavioral-health
Hollings, D. (2024, September 27). My attitude. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-attitude
Hollings, D. (2024, April 22). On disputing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-disputing
Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings
Hollings, D. (2022, November 7). Personal ownership. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-ownership
Hollings, D. (2023, November 23). Problems. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/problems
Hollings, D. (2023, September 15). Psychotherapeutic modalities. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapeutic-modalities
Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist
Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2024, June 5). Self-help. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-help
Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation
Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought
Hollings, D. (2024, February 27). Suffering, struggling, and battling vs. experiencing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/suffering-struggling-and-battling-vs-experiencing
Hollings, D. (2022, November 2). The critical A. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-critical-a
Hollings, D. (2024, September 17). The E-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-e-c-connection
Hollings, D. (2023, February 16). Tna. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/tna
Hollings, D. (2024, March 18). Unhealthy vs. healthy negative emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhealthy-vs-healthy-negative-emotions
Hollings, D. (2023, November 23). Validation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/validation
Hollings, D. (2022, November 25). Victimhood. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/victimhood
Rawpixel.com. (n.d.). Letter D with blossoms [Image]. Freepik. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/letter-d-with-blossoms_3600875.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=1&uuid=707f925f-bb94-4eea-976e-cdc7f5831e8b
Comments