Turning a Cube Inside Out

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), I invite people to consider perspective shifts. Are you familiar with this helpful approach to rational living? For context, the American Psychological Association defines perspective as:

 “[T]he ability to view objects, events, and ideas in realistic proportions and relationships,” and, “the capacity of an individual to take into account and potentially understand the perceptions, attitudes, or behaviors of themself and of other individuals.”

Consequently, a perspective shift involves intentionally changing one’s viewpoint on a situation in order to gain a broader understanding and consider alternative solutions. It involves challenging one’s own assumptions and biases by looking at issues from different angles.

When promoting this productive technique in the interest of mental health care, I sometimes encourage people to consider a cube that represents a particular problem that may be in one’s own circles of control or influence (e.g., suspicion of an intimate partner’s infidelity).

Photo credit, fair use

For a potentially relatable example, I ask that you forgive me a personal anecdote. In what remains as the most significant intimate partner relationship of my life, I eventually discovered that I was repeatedly cheated on from the inception to the dissolution of the relationship.

One telltale (an outward sign) indicator of cheating was how reactive my former partner was when she received a text or phone call. Even if her phone was in vibrating mode, she dashed toward it immediately when others attempted to contact her via cellphone.

As well, she was unusually defensive of any attempt by me and others to touch her smartphone. Curiously, this behavior wasn’t present in the earlier stages of the relationship. Initially, I rationalized her actions as someone who over time came to overvalue her privacy.

Of course, once I stopped deluding myself, I thought that I understood what was actually occurring. Now, I think of a cube. In respect to a cube, there are six sides, or faces, which are all identical squares. These faces are the top, bottom, front, back, left, and right sides of the cube.

In retrospect, I saw maybe two or three sides of a cube (i.e., problem) in which I found myself. The face of the cube was obvious. My intimate partner’s behavior was highly suspicious. Also, given my vantage point at the time, I could maybe see the top and the left sides of the cube.

The face of the cube was that her behavior was uncommon. The top of the cube was that things weren’t always as they were in the latter stages of the relationship. The left face of the cube was that my partner’s overreaction wasn’t unique to me, as she was hypervigilant regarding others.

That’s about all I could see in the moment. This means that I had no idea about what was occurring on the right face, backside, or underneath the cube. Essentially, I lacked perspective. With limited understanding, I made decisions that may or may not have been overall helpful.

Although that intimate partner relationship ultimately dissolved in grand fashion, I walked away from it with an invaluable psychoeducational lesson. As I’ve been reading a book that correlates with my approach to mental health, I now share with you what I’ve learned.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

I invite you to consider that there were more aspects to my intimate partner relationship problem than the top, bottom, front, back, left, and right sides of the cube. Regarding this invitation, authors of The Daily Stoic quote Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius who stated (page 135):

Turn it inside out and see what it is like—what it becomes like when old, sick, or prostituting itself. How short-lived the praiser and praised, the one who remembers and the remembered. Remembered in some corner of these parts, and even there not in the same way by all, or even by one. And the whole earth is but a mere speck.

Building upon the wisdom of Aurelius, regarding a blogpost entitled Inside Out, I referenced my once massive CD collection in which was Floorfilla’s album The Dancers in Arena of Floorfilla. I lost that assemblage of music to the intimate partner relationship discussed herein.

In any event, one of the electronic dance music (EDM) tracks I most enjoyed from the anthology was “Anthem #3.” Lyrics from the song state:

Inside, inside, inside out

Inside, inside, out, out

Inside, inside, inside out

Inside, inside, upside down

When drafting the current blogpost, I listened to the remix, “Anthem #3 (Dj Cerla Floorfiller Mix)”, as I was reminded of Aurelius’s lesson. A cube actually has 12 sides. If one is to consider the perspective of the cube’s insides, there are six additional faces which remain unseen.

Reflecting upon the personal anecdote used herein, I contemplate all of the matters of perspective that I didn’t even know existed at the time of my romantic relationship (e.g., my own childhood interpretation of how these relationships should, must, or ought to function).

Imagine all the factors I could’ve considered. Yet, I didn’t have the wherewithal to practice the healthy perspective shift technique at the time. Concerning this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 135):

Stoicism is about looking at things from every angle—and certain situations are easier to understand from different perspectives. In potentially negative situations, the objective, even superficial gaze might actually be superior.

That view might let us see things clearly without diving too much into what they might represent or what might have caused them. In other situations, particularly those that involve something impressive or praiseworthy, another approach, like that of contemptuous expressions, is helpful.

By examining situations from the inside out, we can be less daunted by them, less likely to be swayed by them. Dig into your fear of death or obscurity, and what will you find? Turn some fancy ceremony inside out and you’ll find—what?

What outcome could I have achieved, had I put forth the effort to discover other sides of a cube? Over-reactivity concerning my former partner’s phone was merely a symptom of something far more important. Yet, I focused on a narrow perspective and reacted accordingly.

Favorably, I don’t have that issue with intimate partner relationships anymore. It’s been over a decade since I was last in one (oh, wonderful tranquility!). All the same, I take into account the 12 sides of a cube regarding other matters in life. Now, I invite you to do the same.   

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

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