We Demand Your Peace of Mind

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Photo credit, fair use

In childhood, I missed out on being able to learn about ancient Greek, Roman, and other deities. This was because my dad required that I be raised under the doctrine of the Jehovah’s Witnesses, and polytheism was something against which he decided to shield me.

As I became an adult and explored varying account of different gods, I found the subject matter quite entertaining. This leads me to a psychoeducational lesson on mental, emotional, and behavioral health regarding the current blogpost and my chosen psychotherapeutic modality.

As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is informed by Stoic philosophy, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding a book entitled The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman.

I’ll address deified entities in a bit. For now, consider a quote by ancient Stoic Epictetus, “When I see an anxious person, I ask myself, what do they want? For if a person wasn’t wanting something outside of their own control, why would they be stricken by anxiety?” (page 49).

While contemplating this matter, it’s worth noting that when practicing REBT I conceptualize circles which may be of use for your consideration. For context, in a blogpost entitled Minding Your Circle, I stated:

When using psychoeducational lessons with people in regard to Stoic philosophy, which is interwoven into REBT theory, I introduce the concept of the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as the area of no concern. It’s a relatively straightforward matter.

The sphere of control encompasses only oneself, the sphere of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the sphere of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

In simplest terms, with few exceptions, each person has a limited amount of control over oneself and a narrow ability to influence others. All else falls into matters of concern and no concern. With this understanding, I stated in a blogpost entitled Neurotic Anxiety and Fear:

I cannot illogically and unreasonably conclude that I have to wear the same pair of lucky undergarments in order to remain alive when in reality life is impermanent and uncertain, as I could die at any moment and regardless of the underwear I use.

There is no lucky pair of underwear which can keep me safe, just as I argue there is no evidence of a higher power (e.g., Zeus) that will spare my life if only I appease it. Also, in the previous cited paragraph, I used a derivative form of a should, must, or ought-type belief (i.e., have to).

In REBT literature, these self-narratives relate to one of four major irrational beliefs known as demandingness. For instance, imagine I unfavorably believed that Zeus demanded I wear the same pair of lucky underwear, without laundering the undergarment, for an entire year.

Is that the sort of unrealistic philosophy to life that you would consider rational (in accordance with either logic or reason), or could it perhaps relate to an anxiousness-driving belief? Regarding this matter, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 49):

The anxious father, worried about his children. What does he want? A world that is always safe. A frenzied traveler—what does she want? For the weather to hold and for traffic to part so she can make her flight. A nervous investor? That the market will turn around and an investment will pay off.

What may I want if supposedly following Zeus’s demand to wear dirty underwear for a year? Predictability, safety, and certainty. Such elements aren’t guaranteed in life. Expanding upon this admission, authors of The Daily Stoic state (page 49):

All of these scenarios hold the same thing in common. As Epictetus says, it’s wanting something outside our control. Getting worked up, getting excited, nervously pacing—these intense, pained, and anxious moments show us at our most futile and servile.

Staring at the clock, at the ticker, at the next checkout lane over, at the sky—it’s as if we all belong to a religious cult that believes the gods of fate will only give us what we want if we sacrifice our peace of mind.

Perhaps you can relate to these scenarios. Have you ever participated in, or at least observed, behavior related to repeatedly pressing the button at a crosswalk in order to change the light for oncoming traffic? How about repeatedly pressing an elevator button to speed up lift recall?

Perhaps you can influence some of these elements, though you don’t actually control these outcomes. Belief to the contrary, while self-disturbing when attempting to appease the “gods of fate,” is pointless. In conclusion, authors of The Daily Stoic propose (page 49):

Today, when you find yourself getting anxious, ask yourself: Why are my insides twisted into knots? Am I in control here or is my anxiety? And most important: Is my anxiety doing me any good?

If your attempt to appease Olympian gods who demand your peace of mind isn’t serving well your interests or goals, then I invite you to stop upsetting yourself with irrational beliefs. Besides, you don’t have to wear the same pair of lucky undergarments in order to remain alive.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

References:

Daily Stoic. (n.d.). Translating the Stoics: An interview with “The Daily Stoic” co-author Stephen Hanselman. Retrieved from https://dailystoic.com/stephen-hanselman-interview/

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Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016). The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. Penguin Random House LLC. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-daily-stoic-366-meditations-on-wisdom-perseverance-and-the-art-of-living-d61378067.html

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